[CantExplain]

Dear T:

I came to you anxious and upset about my daughter. My wife was still in America. And you chose that of all times to challenge my work ethic and suggest that I run out on my family? You also suggested that I should stop seeing you and you accused me, wrongly, of being behind in my payments. Have you no sense of timing?

It seems to me that you used my moment of weakness to kick me in the guts.

[elysia]

I'm sorry that happened to you.

If your T has been good in the past, perhaps you talk about each of those issues and how her comments made you feel? I hope it can be worked through. Sorry about her crappy timing.

What rotten timing! Can you talk about this with her? She really doesnt sound at all attuned to you. That isnt fair to you.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by elysia

I'm sorry that happened to you.

If your T has been good in the past, perhaps you talk about each of those issues and how her comments made you feel? I hope it can be worked through. Sorry about her crappy timing.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

What rotten timing! Can you talk about this with her? She really doesnt sound at all attuned to you. That isnt fair to you.

Thanks for your support, guys.

Yes, I'm going to talk to her about it. On past form, I predict she will say that she's not going to change.

[Wren_]

that sounds so confusing ... to throw those ideas at you then suggest withdrawing her help don't understand it

[~EnlightenMe~]

CE

Why did she question your work ethic, suggest you run out on your family, and then suggest you stop seeing her, and why did she think you were behind on your payments? This sounds odd, CE. I hope you confront her with these questions. Tell her she doesn't have to change, that you just want an explanation for her accusations. Sorry this happened

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I came to you anxious and upset about my daughter. My wife was still in America.

You say you wish your T was more supportive of you. This is an example of an appropriate time for her to be extra supportive, but...

Originally Posted by CantExplain

And you chose that of all times to challenge my work ethic and suggest that I run out on my family?

...WTF is this? Are you sure she wasn't being sarcastic?

Originally Posted by CantExplain

You also suggested that I should stop seeing you and you accused me, wrongly, of being behind in my payments. Have you no sense of timing?

It seems to me that you used my moment of weakness to kick me in the guts.

Is this how she normally is? If so, IMO, you are in an abusive T relationship. If not, can you ask her how she thought this was helpful?

Do you keep records of your payments to her? For instance, I keep one year's worth of receipts for all of my healthcare providers. Just in case.

CE, I'm sorry you're hurting.

Sorry you are hurting CE to. Seems like there are sooo much anger,frustration and powerstruggles in this T relationship. Usually you have insight..do you know why she would say something like that or is she just ****? Did you feel this way after she send an supportive email or is it just the emotional aftermath your processing right now?

Anyways ,obviously it seems like poor timing on her behalf.

I'm sorry that happened CE. I imagine that would be so frustrating and confusing to hear something like that from her. I hope you're able to talk it out w/her and resolve it somehow to your benefit. All the best talking to her about it.

[anilam]

I don't understand- could you write it down in more detail? Was she suggesting the termination because of some delayed payment? And running out on your family because you didn't go with your wife to US?
I must say that from what you've written here before I don't like your T much- she sounds distant, cold and too authoritative. She wouldn't be a good fit for me. Do you still find your sessions to be helpful?

[sconnie892]

CE
I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you can discuss these issues with your t and that she is a little more receptive and understanding than she seemed to be this time.

I'll second what Chopin said about keeping a record of payment. I keep all my t receipts in a file. This year the receptionist claimed I was behind on a payment and I was glad I had proof I had paid every single time. But it took my t intervening for it be worked out.

[Anne2.0]

Two things that occur to me here.

One is that it can be helpful to realize that what we hear may not be what was actually said. Your language ("she suggested . . . ") indicates that perhaps this was not as directly said as you perceived it. It can be helpful because we all have biases where we "hear" things that were not said, because we interpret things that are said in distorted ways. In the beginning of our relationship, I would sometimes tell my H that a certain member of his family had issues, and that her behavior towards him was infantalizing. He would respond with "I thought you loved my mom." I'd ask him what he heard me say and he'd reply, "my mom is a terrible person and you hate her." I'd repeat what I'd actually said and I'd point out how different that was from what he thought. And I'd reiterate that I did love his mom, very much (and still do, and our relationships are all better for the fact that she stopped infantalizing him, especially around me), and that I was only talking about one small aspect of her behavior in an otherwise very positive person, towards him and me.

The other thing that I've learned, and T is great for this, is that eventually we want to realize our distress about what was said in session, in the moments after whatever it was that was said. Addressing it in the next session is good, but learning to do it in the moment and tell our T's, "I just heard you say . . . . ." allows for the issue to be discussed during a time when both people can better remember the context and the facts of what was said. I often don't realize it until later that something bugged me, and it is always useful to raise any issue about a session in a subsequent session, but the mileage gained, at least in my experience, from recognizing my issue in the moment is rather large.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

but the mileage gained, at least in my experience, from recognizing my issue in the moment is rather large.

I agree with this. it really changes you from "a person with baggage" to a person who just lives in the present. All your story can just be dealt with in the here and now, which is kind of how it should be.

[WikidPissah]

(((CE)))

Sorry things have been so off with your T lately! Wow...that sounds harsh. Let us know how it goes when you talk about it with her.