I no need a little help myself here I think.

If only! Sometimes I don't even think I'm asking the right questions!

This kind of made me laugh out loud but I think there is a language problem here.

I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to feel superior to my therapist. In fact, just the opposite. I pay him to be smarter than me. That's what I want.

True that. This was brought to me. I'll get it worked out I'm sure.

i think it would have been totally ok to say no to your t, that you didnt want to help out even though you could have; it was your session after all. however i do understand that you wanted to and were totally capable of helping out, so you did.
this has happened to me a few times. i am an expert in a couple particular education fields, and my old t had a child in her family dealing with those areas. so a couple times she asked me for avice on how to best help the child. i was happy to share some ideas.
with my new t, i help her out with stuff on occassion with different things. it makes me happy to do so. we have an unusual relationship as it is, and so doing out of the box stuff is pretty typical for us. if i ever told her no, that would be ok too, theres no pressure. i dont feel like i have to do anything to make her happy or make her like me better or whatever.

Thanks all, but I still really have no idea what to do - or how to even talk about this.

It's coming with it a lot of baggage about not being the caregiver, because things would kind of fall apart if I didn't do it as a child.

I know I'm not a child any longer, but the notion that I have to carry people still weighs heavily.

It was something that was never addressed in all my years with my previous therapy - because it never had to be.

I'm trying to think of it as a positive step. As with most positive steps it's wildly confusing and hurtful.

I still can't get over the fact that my therapist put me in this position. It makes me angry that he did, and I'm angry at myself for so readily stepping up into that role.

It's just hard.

What is the worst that could happen if you just the guy what you have written above about it?

I don't know what the worst that could happen actually. That's kind of what's bothering me. I don't know this guy and have no idea how he will react.

Isn't that stupid of me? To fear his reaction? I know it's stupid. I know I have a right to be heard on this.

I definitely have a clog in the works there.

I can say that I have never really spoken up about this before. I think it's about time I do.

There is just an innate, seemingly insurmountable (although my brain knows it isn't) fear of doing so.

I feel rather sucky about the whole mess if you want to know the truth.

I am sorry it happened and it is sucky. I totally understand. Good luck with it.

What if you talked about talking about it?

As in something like, "I want to bring something up that might feel negative to you, about you, but I'm nervous about how you will react."

I don't think it's stupid at all. I'm not sure I know anyone who doesn't have difficulty raising negative issues with other people. Maybe it can be easier with T's, but I'm not sure that's been my experience.

I think you were extremely clear-sighted in your previous post, and perhaps should think about just reading it to him.

Your fear certainly isn't stupid, though I wonder if it isn't about him and his reaction really. Only because it sounds like you haven't been seeing him for very long, so why the deep investment in what he will think? Perhaps it's connected more to another family dynamic that you feel this situation parallels. That does seem to be where the care-taking anger is coming from.

I'm really annoyed with him for you! I sort of want to tell him off for acting like an egotistical, selfish jerk with poor boundaries and a lack of professionalism! But I have no investment in him, nor do I share the same family dynamic as you've described.

But I sure do believe your anger is righteous!

I would think it is ok as long as you arent paying for the sessions while you are helping him/her out. Only thing is, in therapy the client and the therapist are not supposed to be in a dual... uhh i forget the exact word but its like you are not supposed to have a dual relationship. Eg You(client)and him(therapist) PLUS him(client) and you(medical stuff). Same reason as why they dont allow therapists and clients to have friendships out of the session. Its a dual relationship. I really wish I could think of that word.

I looked it up and it is actually "dual relationship" lol. "any situation where multiple roles exist between client and therapist".

It sounds like there might be a reenactment going on in your therapy. It's quite common for scenarios to occur within therapy which actually repeat the past without the therapist being aware of it. Something similar happened to me when my former T gave me some information on the type of therapy she was offering and asked me to write notes on how well she was doing. I think people like us who have had to be caretakers for parents/family members give out those vibes and if the therapist isn't careful they get sucked in. Not saying this is what is happening to you, but I do wonder if your therapist isn't consciously aware that he is putting you in that all too familar position of being the one offering advice/being supportive. I hope you can let him know how this feels. It IS tiring to have to be the strong one all the time in whatever context. I hope your T can realise what his actions have created and work with it.

All that aside, it sounds unethical to me in all honesty. I don't know where you live but in my country there are strict rules about things like this to protect the client. Therapy should be about your problems, that is what you're paying for.Not to advise him. Whatever he needs and whatever his situation is, you're not responsible for it.

Elliemay - I get this, I am a serial helper. My T told me some pretty personal stuff over the course of a weekend once and I listened to him and let him cry on my shoulder. Later in session we talked about it and he admitted it was not his best moment, but he is human too and he felt like he could talk to me. So in my opinion this does need to be addressed, especially if you feel T is doing what everyone does to you. Minimally , if you wanted to help, he should have made arrangements outside of your session time and in turn bartered services with you , if he couldn't afford your fee and you were willing. If T is worth his weight he will admit the blurring of boundaries and apologize.

Wow! Thanks everyone for your thoughts and support. In certain situations I know I emit the "helper" vibe. I have these really big eyes and I think people immediately assume that I have empathy.

It's true -to an extent - I just wish the assumption wasn't immediately made.

I really do think that this serial helper (that hilarious Lola) thing needs to come out - not in terms of him and his sloppy boundaries, but just about my life in general.

Who knows - he might bring it up. I go on Thursday. I may drop off a letter before hand. He needs to know that I can be a letter writer. Might as well get that out of the way too.

Again, thanks to everyone for your help and kindness. I'm not sure I deserve it, but I really do appreciate it.

I read what you said about having really big eyes and this came to my mind:



If nothing else, maybe I can make you laugh.

I'm not sure I deserve it--

Dump that nonsense!

good luck

That is just precious. Absolutely adorable.

Thanks for that.