Afraid to tell pdoc/therapist that nothing is working

I'm a freshman in college and began therapy for the first time in my life in late September. I started because I was relapsing with self-harm and having fairly frequent suicidal thoughts and anxiety. I was soon prescribed Prozac, and then about 3 weeks later, Klonopin for panic attacks. I've been doing therapy once a week. It's getting to a point where I feel like a failure because every week my therapist asks if anything is improving, and I have to tell her no. The last couple of weeks, I've kind of faked it and said that it was kind of improving. In fact, I think I've been feeling even worse than before. On monday, I have another appointment with my pdoc, and I'm really nervous about having to tell him that the medication is just not helping. I'm sorry, but is this a rational feeling? I'm really new to all this, but I just feel like the problem is that I'm not trying hard enough, and I'm disappointing the people that are trying to help me.

Tell him for sure. Pdocs are used to this. Many people have to try many different meds before they find something that works. My pdoc was by my side for 3 years while I was struggling. She never gave up and never was upset with me when something didn't work.

You are very early on in the process for both therapy and meds. Hang in there. Being honest is the best thing you can do for your recovery.

Best,
EJ

Don't feel like you have to put up a false front. Professionals know it takes time to get better. Your pdoc really needs to know the truth so he can find the right drug for you.

Hi Bridget11 - I can relate to what you are saying, very much. I did exactly the same thing when I was first diagnosed with depression more than ten years ago. I felt obliged to tell my GP the medication was working, because he was such a nice guy and seemed to really want to help me. It didn't help me, and it didn't help him either, and I wish I hadn't done that. Also, it's really hard when the T asks you if you're feeling better, isn't it? I think many people are conditioned to answer the way we think the other person would like us to answer... what I'm just learning now is that the therapist and the doctor are the two people (perhaps the only people) you shouldn't worry about what they'll think about your answer. If you had a medical condition that was possible to measure with blood tests, your doctor would know that you were not getting better. And that would not in any way feel like a failure - right? (Or if it did feel like a failure, you'd know it wasn't rational). The difference is, I think, that mental conditions somehow seem as if we "should" be able to overcome them by the strength of our will, as if it's a character defect in us that we can't "snap out of it" (I hate that expression!). It isn't. It's not a character defect. It's not a fault in you that your brain chemistry isn't responding to the medication you've tried. Or at least it hasn't responded yet - it is very early days yet. You are not failing, you are not going to make anybody disappointed if you are honest. Trust us on this.

Could you try answering your T, the next time she asks, something like "I feel like I should be getting better by now but I'm not" - to help her understand better what you are going through?

This is a VERY short time to be in therapy and with a pdoc, and it is not AT ALL uncommon for the first trial of meds to not work out as they hoped. They won't be surprised by that. The pdoc will simply try something different. As far as therapy goes, most will tell you things can take a LONG time to get better; in fact, again, it isn't uncommon for things to feel worse before they start feeling better.

Just be honest with your T and Pdoc. They aren't going to be surprised. They'll just continue to work with you until they hit on the right med combination/therapy issues to help you. They are in the "getting to know you" early stages just like you are.

I have been exactly in your situation and still are, I guess. I've been tried on so many different meds, all with very little effect. I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with my T. At one point, I apologized for not being able to 'make things work'. My T told me that it wasn't my job to 'make things work', that I have to keep telling her and my doctor if the meds don't feel like they're working. That I won't be disappointing them if something's not working, that they actually want to know if it's not working so they try something else. And most importantly - that even if I feel like I'm not making progress, I still am even when it is two steps forward and one step back. It's just a little too slow for me to notice. But she said she can see it. And she's always been completely honest with me, even in some situations where she let me know some things that others were trying to keep from me. So I believe her.

And I think that the same thing would apply to you - I've been at this a couple of years and still think about lying and saying that I'm feeling great. But I know that won't achieve anything. So I just do my best to do everything that my T and doctor ask of me, and I try to be honest when they're asking how it's going.

It's not abnormal to feel like this, but it's not really helpful and I know that if you have one of the good T's and Pdoc's, you won't be disappointing them. Be honest with them

I should learn to take my own advice sometimes....

If someone asks if you are getting better and you don't want to tell them the truth, "I don't know" is much better than "Yes".