Night time....

I'm wondering if this is something others can relate to, because I feel like I'm going crazy.

Some days can be considered "good enough days" for me....when I'm functional, even have times of joy....and then night time rolls around, and I'm on the verge of destruction - as if every bit of joy in the world is gone and I've landed back in that place of pitch darkness...and the pangs of wanting to end it all reappear....

Is it just me?

Not just you, albeit my experience is a bit different. I fluctuate between having bad nights and bad days. As a rule, I tend to be a nocturnal creature, so I tend to feel better at night. If I am specifically triggered (i.e. a bad dream, something on TV or in a book, etc.), I can have the darkness consume me.

I tend to have more bad days. Depression overwhelms me mostly during the day. It's inconvienient because I have to function during the day. So my experience is similar, but at a different time. Today was a bad day. I was alone, which didn't help.

I know that feeling. Sometimes it's an indicator that i'm overtired and and sign i need to take myself to bed, could this be the case for you?

Actually, I can relate to this....There are times when I look forward to the night - so that I can have some ME time.

Other times, when I'm really depressed, I look forward to going to sleep so that I can drift away into fantasy land in the hopes of not waking up.

And even when in a deep depression, I feel differently when I'm distracted...and when I return from that distraction, I return to the deep dark pit.

I guess I'm just feeling that this is different than my typical scenarios...and this one scares me a little because it seems like SUCH a huge shift for me. I was busy today...and even had some really good moments....and then BAM, I want to die.

I'm sorry this was a bad day for you....((( HUGS )))

I used to have a lot of fear engulf me at night. I like night time if I'm awake and engaged; but if I weren't engaged, and needed to get to sleep to be ready for the next day, the time before falling asleep could be rough.

Do you have a routine to help you relax and feel soothed at night before trying to sleep?

Thanks for the feedback....

I am going to try to go to sleep. I'm wondering if, on the days that I'm busy and distracted, it helps me forget how dire my life situation is at the moment...and when my head hits the pillow, reality decides to set in....

I gotta work on forcing myself to rest, if that's even possible....

I relate to both of these things. When I'm very depressed, I want to sleep all the time. I've done this for years. It was much worse when I was not medicated. In a deep depression, it's really hard for me to distract myself, especially with 35 years of rumination under my belt (I'm assuming I was born that way ). I can do almost anything and still ruminate. Multi-tasking...not always a good thing.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. If you need someone to sit in the pit with you, I'm your girl.

Not sure I would think about it as trying to force yourself to rest--sounds way too difficult.

Sleep. And tomorrow, think about planning a series of nurturing actions you can take that will feel good and occupy the time when your busy day ends. And then, even if you feel distracted while doing these things, keep doing them so that the routine will get established. Little by little, I think your body/mind will find security in following the pattern, and it will slowly become more rooted. I hope it can work for you.

I am the same way, but for me it seems tohave nothing to do with being sleepy.

I can definitely relate. I can enjoy being busy at work, having a productive day, going out with friends, having a good time, feeling happy--- and then, when I get home at night, I sometimes begin feeling depressed. (Never destructive, but certainly a bit depressed). I've had insomnia my whole life so that's a factor, but it's not the only factor. There's something about being busy, being around people, and feeling "alive" during the day-- and then going home and (now that I'm single) being by myself that sometimes triggers me into feeling sad/alone/unhappy. For me it's partly due to having the time, at the end of the day, to let my thoughts just "run" and, while sometimes they run in a positive direction, at others, they just lead me down a depressing spiral. I do what I can to try and change my internal dialog and and re-route my thoughts to happier things, but it doesn't always work. And I'm really not one for soothing music, baths, or stuff like that. Just not me. Never going to be me. So, sometimes I wind up on PC... funny... I bet I'm not the only one

((((((((MUE))))))))

I can relate, for sure. Most of my desperate e-mails to T are written at night.

I think during the day, I'm so busy that I don't have much time to get lost in my head, but at night, everything I've been pushing away is rightthere, waiting for me.

Sometimes venting on PC helps. Sometimes venting in an e-mail to T helps (although sometimes that makes it worse!). I don't watch much TV, so turning on the TV helps sometimes...it's distracting and easy. I try to always have a book that I'm reading so I can do that (that's how I got through last night).

When I have a hard time sleeping, melatonin helps. I usually take it and fall asleep within 30 minutes...and I'm a morning person, so when I wake up, I feel better.

(((((((((hugs))))))))) to you!!!! I hope you feel better today.

For me, it's like I box away all of the bad stuff really well. At night, often it all hits so strongly and I can't keep anything contained anymore. I completely fall apart, to a level I can't even put into words. Some days it's almost like everything is okay, and often the night is the complete opposite. Night is still my favouite time of day, which I guess is quite weird. I do like to stay up late, and I like the time to myself. I don't like the many nights that I spend feeling so broken and ready to give up.

Nites can be very hard.

I can relate. If I am going to have a bad time, it will be at night. During the day I distract myself with work or activities, but at night when I am trying to sleep all the stuff I have ignored during the day comes spilling out. I try to use journaling at that point to help me process and re-frame my thoughts.

Thanks, everyone.

It's really helpful to know that I am not alone with this.