[AlwaysSearching]

Hi, everyone. I've been debating for awhile whether I should go into therapy or not.

The rational side of me says yes, because therapy could help me with my depression, OCD, anxiety/phobia issues, and low self-esteem. Also, I think a good therapist could do some life coaching and help me reach my goals. For those reasons alone, it sounds like a great idea.

However, there are certain issues I just flat-out don't want to discuss with a therapist. I don't want to forgive the people who've betrayed or otherwise hurt me badly in the past (as I suspect a therapist might encourage me to do), and I don't want to stop mourning or crying over a lost loved one (my dog--which, I suspect, would be viewed as abnormal by many people) just because her death was awhile ago.

So, what I'm wondering is, can I go to a therapist for the issues I am willing to confront and deal with, and avoid the other issues? Or will this person insist on trying to dig deeper, whether I want them to or not? I'm reminded of being sent to the school counselor as a little girl--because of separation anxiety--and barely talking to her about anything because I didn't want to be there. I could definitely see myself freezing up or just refusing to talk about those things if I went back into therapy again...It's not like those emotions are completely bottled up inside, but they come out in my lyrics and writing, and I'm in an online grief support group as well. I just don't like talking about them with people in general.

Therapy is what the client brings into the sessions. When a person enters therapy the client and therapist sit down together and get to know each other and what the client feels is the problem and possible solutions and from that the therapist and client develop "goals".

Goals are what areas that are going to be worked on in therapy. Once the client accomplishes those goals it is time for therapy to end for the time being.

Sometimes when working one one set of goals the client and therapist decide to work on other issues too. That is a decision that they come to together. by way of periodically (here it is every 6 months) the therapist and client fill in the goals and so on that they are presently working on and any future goals.

Nothing about therapy is manditory (unless you are under court order or under the age of 18) A person can enter therapy and throw mega bucks away just by sitting there and not doing a thing. A small number of therapists don't mind as long as you are paying for the sessions out of your pocket and thats how you want to spend that $100.00 - $200.00 a 45-55 minute hour hey thats fine. But if its not out of your pocket but paid by insurance the insurance companies want to know that they are not wasting money on someone who is just sitting there not working on anything so they will only pay as long as goals are being worked on.

Therapists know they can't make a client work on what they don't want to so when they start seeing things slow down to where there is nothing that the client is willing to work on they start the process of stopping closing sessions with that person.

personally I don't work with my therapist on my self injury and suicidal issues and that does not stop us from working on other things that need to be taken care of.

[AlwaysSearching]

Thanks, myself! In my case, the therapy would definitely be paid for by insurance. I'm willing to work hard on the other issues (mental illness, phobias, life coaching, e.t.c.) as long as I don't have to confront the two uncomfortable ones. That would be the ideal situation.

I'm still grieving for my dog, but I'm excited about adopting another one this summer. Also, like I said, I have creative outlets. Therapy, to me, is for the other things I've mentioned alone.

[JustBen]

You should be able to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. If you go into therapy to work on ABC, there's no reason at all that you should feel pressured to talk about XYZ. (And if therapy goes well for you, you might feel like talking about XYZ in the future--who knows?)

[pegasus]

((((((( AlwaysSearching ))))))))

I agree with JustBen.

Therapy is like going through the layers of an onion. Peeling through the various layers. You DON'T have to talk about the really awful stuff straight away.

Also if you let your T know that there is some stuff you would rather not go into, he can pace the therapy better and maybe deal with the awful stuff in a different way.

Emotions can be released without having to actually talk about it. A good T will be able to help you through that.

Best of luck!

[AlwaysSearching]

Thank you, JustBen and pegasus! I feel a lot better about the whole therapy idea now, knowing that I can reveal only what I'm comfortable with (and that there's the option of tackling the other issues someday, should I want to).

[Lexicon78]

Although the best thing would be to "tell all" so that you could be helped effectively, you don't have to.

I'll just say this, that things you've done in some situations relate to things you've done in others. It's all related.

I don't think you are grieving unnecessarily, either. And the other thing about forgiveness...you shouldn't have to forgive someone you don't want to. A good therapist wouldn't push you to do either one of those things that you are unwilling to do, btw.

[Maven]

I've regretted telling things to my therapists. I tend to be very open and honest, and not just with my therapists. Tell what you want, when you're ready.

I haven't forgiven some people who have hurt me. I still cry sometimes over the loss of my animals (dogs, hamsters and others). I don't spend every minute or every day hating or mourning, but I don't forget. I don't believe forgiveness is necessary, and it's not always good. That's just my opinion. And I will always remember my pets. I have wonderful memories, but also miss them very much, and sometimes cry. If others have a problem with that, so be it.

I've never had a therapist tell me I need to forgive anyone. If s/he did, I'd say I disagree. If I felt the therapist pushed me to forgive or wouldn't focus on things I considered more important, I'd find another therapist.

[DocJohn]

It completely depends on the therapist you choose. Most therapists are respectful of the client's boundaries and don't "force" them to discuss an issue they are uncomfortable discussing at that time. And I think it's very wise and insightful to approach therapy to help you with specific issues, such as X, Y and Z. It means you can have specific goals and if the therapist wants to talk about issues A or B, you can say, "Well, maybe someday I would too, but I really wanted my therapy here with you to focus on issues X, Y and Z." If the therapist pushes, you can push back! You can also decide if a therapist is working or not for you and if not, fire them and find another that is going to work the way you want, on the issues you want.

You always have to remember -- you're the customer in the therapist/client relationship. If you're not getting what you want or need from the relationship, you can move on to find a therapist you do get those sorts of things.

Good luck!
DocJohn

[(JD)]

[AlwaysSearching]

Thank you, everyone, for your replies! After reading through all of them, I've been feeling more optimistic about seeing a therapist. And who knows? Maybe in the future, I will be more comfortable discussing those subjects with this person.

The issue right now is getting health insurance so I can afford therapy--I'm unemployed--but that's another subject.

[Maven]

Good luck!

You might look for a therapist with a sliding-fee scale. They can set a price you can more easily afford.

[AlwaysSearching]

Thanks, Maven! Most of the therapists I've found in my area have sliding scale fees, fortunately.

[(JD)]

Also, many therapists (with thriving practices) also do pro bono work. But you have to ask!

[AlwaysSearching]

I didn't know that, _Sky! I'll definitely have to look into that.

[CompGeek]

A therapist may ask to adress the issues that you don't want to discuss, but if you don't want to discuss them then it is really up to you. It is the client/patient that is really in charge of the therapy session. The therapist is kind of just there as a guide... He/She will help guide you on what ever journey you want to go on... (I know that sounds kind of stupid, but it is the best way I could think of to describe it)...

Hope this helps some,
Jason

[AlwaysSearching]

Yes, Jason, that does help! Thinking of a therapist as a guide and realizing that I have some control over the situation is encouraging. Thank you.