Do I have to face memories in therapy?? New to therapy

Kind of scared here. I went to my first *real* therapy session last week. I've had a lot of abuse (all the types of abuse), and I don't want to bring up those memories. But, this therapist is awesome, but she asked so many questions. I felt so wound up and flooded with memories when I left.

So, is this what I have to go through to get better? Do I have to relive memories of abuse? I'm still married to one of my abusers, who isn't abusive anymore. I'm afraid of what might happen to my marriage if I relive those things. And, I'm afraid I'll get horribly depressed.

I go to my second therapy session this tuesday, and I'm getting very anxious. I have OCD, Bipolar II, used to have ptsd, and am just a big ball of anxiety most days. I just don't see the use of therapy if it makes me feel worse. Do I have to feel worse to get better? I want to get better though, definately. I don't know, just thought I'd pop my thoughts up here and see if anyone has any insight on therapy. TIA. Tokidoki

I'm not sure how to respond...just want to let you know I read your post and hope you can let your T know your concerns...

I have MPD, depression, anxiety, borderline traits, and PTSD... I have to go through the memories all of my alters hold of the abuse. I have to go through them to heal because I've never really dealt with them, or let them come to the surface - I just stuffed them down or let another take them for me. By letting them come out, and having my therapist show me that what happened was not my fault, and helping me with my negaitive self talk - I will heal.
So, I do believe to some extent, you will have to deal with the memories. My PTSD comes through with nightmares and triggers - which ease when I let out memories, maybe it will be the same for you?
It's not easy - and it's a very long process - and very painful - but wounds will heal if you allow them to help 'clean' the wound.

I think you do have to feel worse before you start to feel some relief. Reliving traumatic memories is very difficult and very painful. Finding a therapist who takes things at a slow pace so as not to overwhelm you is so important. It took me 18 months before I felt strong enough to even mention some of my memories. Slowly I am finding I am more able to talk about them. Many times I have wanted to give up, but I can see that with time and patience I will finally feel some peace. Good luck, take care X

Hi tokidoki!

It is a giant, positive step for you to be taking therapy. Good for you!

I have BP2, and GAD...and history of abuse. Psychotherapy is difficult, painful, and seems intrusive @ times: as if you are totally naked & trusting this "Therapist" with all your inner thoughts @ secrets. That is why, to be effective , it can take some time to get to the real issues you deal with daily.

Since 1992.. I have been in/out of Psycotherapy as an outpatient, when needed. It took me about 2 years to build trust & talk about my issues. This time frame is not unusual.

I am still in therapy to this day...as an outpatient as needed. And my bottom line is YES it can be very effective in dealing with your past & inner demons. At some point..when you are ready to talk-you will..and your Therapist will be there to support you & work with you tp "settle up your issues" hopefully once & for all.

Without hesitation, I would recommend & go through Psychotherapy again...because NOW I can move forward & allow the healing process to happen.

Hang in there..set your own pace!

Sincerely,
Grace03

Hi Tokidoki,

I think it is important to talk with your therapist about your concerns, and about what you wish to discuss and work on in therapy. There are different kinds of therapy, and also different ways of working in therapy. A good therapist should be able to work with you and honor your wishes regarding what you wish to discuss (and what you don't).

I think it also helps to be able to tell the therapist if therapy is going too fast, or you feel too upset when you leave a session - even when it happens at the first session. That's useful information for the therapist, so they can get a better idea of how to work with you better.

It may be true that you and your therapist may decide to discuss past issues with time. I think many people find that helpful who have had difficult events in their past. It has been helpful for me, as others have described here. But there are many helpful topics that can be discussed and worked on in therapy, without focussing on past events.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Take care,
ErinBear

hey. everybody's therapy journey is different. it can take some time for you and your therapist to figure out what is right for you on your therapy journey.

i've had a lot of abuse too... and have alters and stuff... i'm well aware that the 'standard line' on treating that is to do memory work... but thats not my journey and its not a journey that feels right for me.

an alternative journey (for example) can involve your talking about... whatever you want to talk about. stuff in the present. stuff a little back in the past. whatever you want. basically... there will be a pattern of how you interact with your therapist that will emerge. transference. stuff like that. when those things come to the fore it can feel like a little bit of relief to understand the origins of those feelings (sometimes).

in your first appointment... your therapist would have been trying to get a feel for what is likely to come. i said a lot of things to my therapist in that initial interview that neither of us have mentioned since. i know he took notes... but he asked questions he hasn't asked since and i talked about things i haven't talked about since. i guess they will come up again at some point. when i'm ready, basically. when it won't hurt too much.

> So, is this what I have to go through to get better? Do I have to relive memories of abuse?

that is controversial. cartharsis is reliving the memories. freud (and others) advocated the cathartic method where reliving the memories was supposed to make the intensity less over time. there has been some research to show that catharsis can actually keep the negative emotions around, however, basically... making people worse. reprocessing is when you talk about what happened and what it meant to you. how you view people and how you view yourself in light of what happened. that is from more of a 'rational' rather than a 'feeling' place. it is the reprocessing that is meant to help... that being said... my t keeps saying that i need to feel the feelings a little bit. reprocessing in the absence of emotion feels empty whereas cartharsis in the absence of reprocessing hurts like hell.

> I just don't see the use of therapy if it makes me feel worse.

hopefully your therapist will focus on building a positive working relationship with you and focus on giving you some skills to help you get through life a little bit better. building trust and stuff like that.

> Do I have to feel worse to get better?

not sure. i think about that a lot. i think that yeah you have to face some stuff that you haven't been able to face in order to process it. but... that you need to get a bit stronger before you will be able to face it so that you gain mastery over it rather than being debilitated by it.

i would think... that your next session would be considerably lighter.

Hi Tokidoki,

I too had abuse issues in the past. I can only share my experience, for everyone's experience is different.

Do you need to feel worse first? In my opinion, probably - at least I did. I remembered repressed memories 16 years ago. I was very confused and depressed and was in the hospital 4 or 5 times over a year and a half period. I have dealt well with those issues and continue to see a therpist once a month just to keep things in check.

What I found was that I needed to discuss some things that I remembered because they were triggering me and blocking me from growing. Once I could identify those triggers, name them, and acknowledge them I could move forward. When something would trigger me then I could say to myself "oh that, okay I know why I felt bad just now but it's okay i know what it is" and then move on and let it go.

I still dont' think I talked about EVERYTHING. In fact, every once in a while a thought or concept comes up in therapy that explains some of my depression and I'm like "wow, I never thought of that before". The difference is now, those thoughts are nearly as intrusive or painful, moreover, they are welcomed as another way to move on and become better.

Good luck and definitely discuss with your therapist. Sounds like you are comfortable enough to do so and that's a great thing!

Tranquility

Good morning Tokidoki,

I am sorry you were flooded with memories. This happened to me when I began therapy as well, and together, T and I have slowed things down quite a bit. I do believe we have to go through the difficult memories, but only in the amounts we can handle without being retraumatized.

If you can share with T about how you felt after session, and before session, then the two of you can get together on how best to proceed. You don't have to be re-traumatized week after week. In the beginning, I believe it's most important to work on solidifying your relationship with T before you proceed to the difficult stuff.

It is so hard, but I believe you are traveling in the right direction.

Best of luck and take gentle, gentle care right now.

Wow, thank you all for your helpful replies. I woke up this morning and was so happy to see them. It's weird though, I'm getting anxious just re-reading my post and the replies.

It sounds like I need to tell my therapist how I feel, like to go slower. I believe we went over way too many abuse things, especially now that I've read all your experiences with therapy and abuse.

Reprocessing sounds much better than cartharsis. I was just in a p.hospital a month ago, for seriously a nervous breakdown(don't care what docs call it, that's what I had!). So anyways, I just can't deal right now I guess. They didn't keep me long enough Just kidding, kind of!

So, it sounds like I do have to get worse to get better. But, at a slower pace. This sounds like it's going to be fun. Yeah. But, I guess things will get better in the long run, which is what I want or Need! Life has *got* to be better than this! Of course, with my ocd, I'm afraid once life is nice, then I'll end up dying-seems like all the happy people die young. Guess I should tell my therapist this!

Oh my gosh, I've been replying to this for an hour! Gees! At least my intial anxiety is gone, yeah!! Tokidoki (now happy, for awhile )