the real issues

hi guys it's me again i am working hard on processing everything that went on in my last session. it was a lot.i talked a lot on here about my T saying my journal drawing were unimportant.some part of me feels it is my mind focusing on this because it is way easier to upset about that then to really face some of the other stuff talked about from my journal.
so i am trying to focus on that today
we talked some about how i deal with interacting with people and ways that i have adapted.like she asked me how i feel about coming here.i said i don't mind coming to see her.she said she knew but i had to deal with people along the way.she asked me how i interact with her secitarygrrrr hate them. anyway.i told her i fill out my check ahead of time i hand it to her and move on i don't have to say a word to her. she was amazed at how i can figure out ways deal with situations like that.she asked about how i feel when i leave the house.i told her i have no problems with going out but in dealing with other people is. i said that the world is filled with horrible, mean people and that is what i would love to deal with. we talked about me never wanting to work again . i told her that i would probably freak out and it wouldn't work out anyway.i couldn't handle that again. i wished i had not said that because she said that she wished that she had helped me better with that. i hate when she thinks she did something wrong. i never told her how bad things were or the stuff i did .in fact still haven't .she has no idea about being brought to the hospital from work because i was freaking out ,or about my hubby bringing me to the clinic.if i don't say anything how can she help me.if it is something that has already happened what can she do to help.if it is her time off it isn't like i can call her or anything. anyway none of that was her fault. she cant be there 24/7 i never want her to be. we talked about a lot more .my wanting to disappear.she brought up the secretary again like how a lot of times she doesn't call to let her know i am here and how a lot of that has to do with how i am so unobtrusive about the way i show up.i have even made it so i don't have to wait around for a receipt. there was a bunch more that was really hard for me .in reading this it all seems so ridiculous to be having such a hard time about talking about these things but it is .i know she even brought up other things from my journal that i just will not deal with at all this is all surface stuff. anyway thanks for reading

wow sounds like she woke up. my T does that once in a while, it's like he gets out of a slump. really you are too young to hide away. you have so many questions. you might profit from group, or seeing her more often.

omg even the mention of group T terrifies me.that would so not be the answer. i would be in the farthest corner i could find peeing in my pants if anyone tried to talk to me.nope not a good idea. can you just imagine all the negative attention that would be sent my way as i sat there week after week not saying a word .been there done that .people in the group would love to target me and my silence and spend bunches of time tring to figure me out and say i am doing it to get the attention i was getting . not a good idea at all

same here !!! (((((((((((((((( granite ))))))))))))))))

so how about a 2nd session per week? (sounds better now than group, doesn't it?!) (altho I kinda like the visual of you peeing in the corner you remind me of my kitty Isadora, poor thing)
ETA: so don't you talk to anybody at your craft classes?

lol i do have one person i will talk to but mostly i keep to myself but i will try to answer people who ask me questions about what i am doing. believe it or not going to these craft things are very helpful to me because i am confident in my crafting and at the same time it is relaxing to me.i don't talk much at all but it is great pratice but i have to admit to every once in a while having to leave early because something or someone has overwelmed me.
some awsome people yourself included have sugested twoX a week i think that would eventually be doable.but at first i need to be able to talk a bit better.i couldn't handle the expectations to talk in a second session right now but it is totally something i want to work towards being able to ask for

This is HUGE. Every time I have realized this, I have done wonderful things for my therapy.

yeah it just seemed like T realized all of a sudden there was all this STUFF. i'm just sayin', this kind of thing happens from time to time in therapy and you add another day, and you wonder how you ever survived on the old schedule. over the years, i've gone thru it a few times. you'd think i'd be cured by now! oh hwell!

hankster you are awsome in all that you are . i don't think T is about the cure or fixing something that isn't broke it is about being able to see that you are awsome in who you are and that there is nothing needing to be cured

right back atcha

I think this is really great. It reminds me of what my T was saying last time. It's all about changing learned patterns of behavior. Nothing is wrong with us, but we can learn better ways to act and interact.

granite, I am so amazed and impressed with your insights and the progress you are making! You are doing the hard, uncomfortable work of actually changing your behaviors, and I think you absolutely ROCK!

I never thought of it that way Granite. and by that standard, I am failing !!

That would be a challenge, certainly. But I have seen people blossom in group and that was lovely to watch.

PS:

I have enjoyed watching you blossom here.

Can you remember how you were when you first arrived? You are much more confident now!

i wish you could see what all of us here sitting .you are so awsome.keep working at it my sweet friend and you will somday be able to see what we do that you are amazing .you are no failing at all .you work amazingly hard in T .i have learned so much from you over the years.that will never go away.you affected my life

granite, i don't have a lot to say... just

Hi Granit,
Such good work! It's so great you and t were able to actually start working on this stuff! I agree that group wouldn't be the best for you right now, unless it was an art therapy/ expressive therapy group. I'm glad you get so much out of the crafts class. Keep up the good work!

((((((((Chickie)))))))))))

You are awesome! So insightful! Love, love, love you!

Great work granite! Sounds like you two talked about a lot of stuff and you are doing good work now with processing.