[Alishia88]

HA grief councelor who has been of great help to me before therapy told me to remember the "glasses" we all wear with our personal view on the world on what is -in general- right and what is wrong, good and bad. She said it was natural and the only way to come across that is to REALIZE that we do and always have those perception so we can be open to other people´s views and perceptions.

Here´s the thing I believe that many therapists, though not all, have specific ideas on how to lead a "good" life. What is "healthy" and what their clients must achieve and do to be happy and healthy and well off and make no secret about it to their patients, either directly or subtle and try wether conciously or unconsciously to make their patients see it "their" way to go through life the way "they" think it´s "right".
I especially noticed this from my sister´s therapy. She started to change a lot in her outside life. Not all bad, good things, but it didn´t feel like it came from "her" and she kept telling me "I really should really grow up, I must do this, I think everybody should do it this or that way".....

Ever since my Dad died my perception has changed on what I want from life and my priorities.

Im not sure it fits into some therapists perception on what is a "right" life.
You know, go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, have children, grandchildren, die.

I guess it also has to do with society.

I guess it´s a challenge. You want and need to trust your therapist, but you also need to stay true to your values and what you want from life.

What are your thoughts on this?

[autotelica]

I have never felt pressure to "should" on my life from my therapist. I could tell my therapist that I've decided to marry a polka-dotted Burmese python and join the circus, and she would only ask if I was happy.

Not that she isn't judgmental and afraid to opinionate. I know she has her own ideas of what she considers a good life; she tells me enough about her life to paint a clear picture of what this would be. But she has never made me feel bad for not wanting it. We still have specific goals on the table for me to reach for. But it's not like I've been made to feel like my happiness rests on accomplishing them.

She has a daughter that lives an unconventional life. She talks about her lovingly, while sometimes expressing disapproval over some of her choices. What this tells me is that I don't have to meet her approval for her to like me and me to like her. So I don't care if she hates my shoes (an opinion she expressed once, apropos of nothing!) Her opinion is no more important than anyone else's.

[Alishia88]

well that sounds like a good therapist to me. Making clear that it is HER opinion kind of takes away this: "what i think is always right." she sounds human and that she lets you have your own opinions and choices. good for you!

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I have never felt pressure to "should" on my life from my therapist. I could tell my therapist that I've decided to marry a polka-dotted Burmese python and join the circus, and she would only ask if I was happy..

haha I hope I get invited to the wedding.

I think that one has to be true to ones self. I also think that you can do that, and if you are building a self, that you can take what you feel would behoove you from your therapist, tell him/her what you don't think is helping, and consider his/her ideas even if it doesn't sound right at the time. Good question.

[venusss]

This is why i refuse to go to therapy. I don't wanna be questioned on lifestyle. And choices. Or world-view. It seems like many think optimist, never ranting about the effing world and family having is the only healthy world view. Oh, that and get a boring, meaningless job. Maybe a weekend house.

[Alishia88]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

This is why i refuse to go to therapy. I don't wanna be questioned on lifestyle. And choices. Or world-view. It seems like many think optimist, never ranting about the effing world and family having is the only healthy world view. Oh, that and get a boring, meaningless job. Maybe a weekend house.

Hey venus,

as autotelica tells us, not all Ts are like that. Don´t let this stop you from getting a good therapist you feel comfortable with if you have problems.
That´s the point. Therapy isn´t about changing or questioning your outside world or choices it´s about getting to a healthier inner you, that feels better, stronger, more confident and freer. That has nothing to do with the lifestyle or world views of yours.

[EeyoreSmile]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

This is why i refuse to go to therapy. I don't wanna be questioned on lifestyle. And choices. Or world-view. It seems like many think optimist, never ranting about the effing world and family having is the only healthy world view. Oh, that and get a boring, meaningless job. Maybe a weekend house.

My T is nothing like that.. We live vastly different lives... the only thing she ever expressed an opinion on was something I was trying to stop and then I was trying to explain to her why I shouldn't have to.. and she just told me how I could make better choices for my long term health.

My t tells me to whine and complain and all that stuff. curse if I want.. when I tell her I'm making any change she makes sure its what I want to do not what I think she wants or what my mom or anyone else wants and when I say yes... she's down for it and supports me.

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

This is why i refuse to go to therapy. I don't wanna be questioned on lifestyle. And choices. Or world-view. It seems like many think optimist, never ranting about the effing world and family having is the only healthy world view. Oh, that and get a boring, meaningless job. Maybe a weekend house.

I've never found that to be an issue. Certainly some of my choices have been questioned, but they were definitely questionable. But lifestyle and world-view? Honestly never comes up. My therapy isn't about my political or religious views. You seem to have a very narrow view of what therapy is about. Honestly, there are probably as many "types" of therapists as there are people in the world. The trick is finding the one you feel most comfortable with if therapy is something you are interested in. If it isn't, then that's okay too.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I've never found that to be an issue. Certainly some of my choices have been questioned, but they were definitely questionable. But lifestyle and world-view? Honestly never comes up. My therapy isn't about my political or religious views. You seem to have a very narrow view of what therapy is about. Honestly, there are probably as many "types" of therapists as there are people in the world. The trick is finding the one you feel most comfortable with if therapy is something you are interested in. If it isn't, then that's okay too.

i guess it depends on how much "out there" one is. I am probably much more out there then you, hence any "normal" therapist would subconsciously have the need to tame the bisexual greenie activist with her own set of spiritual beliefs and beliefs about the world.

i am not sure where line between "challenge views healthily" and "normal means happy" would be.

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

i guess it depends on how much "out there" one is. I am probably much more out there then you, hence any "normal" therapist would subconsciously have the need to tame the bisexual greenie activist with her own set of spiritual beliefs and beliefs about the world.

i am not sure where line between "challenge views healthily" and "normal means happy" would be.

A therapist can't change your world view on things. Any therapist that tries to isn't doing therapy they're just trying gain influence over you. It's about changing behaviours or thinking that is maladaptive and hurts the client throughout his/her life and they want to change but the behaviour has carried on since early childhood and they have no way of knowing how to change. So you go to therapy for insight and learn different coping strategies. It's nothing to do with your political beliefs or your sexuality unless it's something like paedophillia or someone wants to rape or something like that. It's more to do with how you interact with others.

You being a bisexual greenie activist isn't maladaptive to you. You seem happy with your lifestyle so you don't need therapy at least for that. I don't know about the rest of your life. Anyhow psychotherapy doesn't always work for eveyone anyway.

[Alishia88]

" when I tell her I'm making any change she makes sure its what I want to do not what I think she wants or what my mom or anyone else wants and when I say yes... she's down for it and supports me.

sounds real good to me