After my huge trigger I feel like some familiarity is returning. I've had to put red flags on certain things in my life to avoid. I felt like the split of parts of me that I've worked so hard on intergrating were ripped apart again.

I wasn't whole or perhaps I never was but have managed to survive in denial only to be so suddenly made aware of the part I cannot accept.

Not to sound to dramactic, but this has been a life changing occurance. A wake up call.

I would not wish the hell I entered for this short time on my worse enemy.

My new motto from now on in is - live simple.

((Tigergirl ))

[Wren_]

your last post ... I could hear how shaken you were; I'm glad you are doing some of the things needed ... please keep going gently with yourself

[sittingatwatersedge]

good to hear from you. I am wishing you peace

[WikidPissah]

Good to hear from you, I have been thinking about you. Hope the peace increases and the pain decreases.

[Anne2.0]

I think I get that sense of something radically changing the course of your healing and sense of self. For me the trigger was physical pain that was unexpected after a minor surgery, pain that has become chronic and difficult to manage. But the nature of the pain just set off body memories and other flashback symptoms, and my overall feeling of safety and trust in my body was completely shaken up. I am working towards feeling okay in my head regardless of what is going on in my body, but I am not particularly successful with that right now.

For me, it seems like maybe the worst is behind me, and I can see this experience for the opportunity to sort of do a speed-healing (in the psychological sense) that I once did over the course of years. From memory to the processing and integration of that memory has gone really fast, and I realize that I am in such a different place than I was 15 years ago, or even a year ago. I also found that an unexpected gift was that I felt grateful for the memories that came back, because they are mine, and I want all of the memories that belong to me, good, bad, ugly. It has made me feel more whole.