[MASIMO]

My T asked me if I would let him take a movie on his cell phone of me talking briefly
about something I am really stuck on in my life. I think he wanted to show me how set in stone my thoughts and beliefs are, and thought that watching myself explain it would somehow drive home that I need to change. I really didn't think long about it and said yes.
I spoke a couple of sentences as I sat on his couch with his phone pointed at me.

He emailed it to me later. I hated it. Hated how I looked physically, hated how pathetic
I seemed. I emailed him to say I hated it and to delete it. He tried to explain that he had deleted the movie and hoped I would delete some of my damaging thoughts from my inner self.

I was still upset and emailed him that if he wanted to make me feel ugly and pathetic he succeeded and I failed once again and to never do this to me again. I haven't heard from him yet. Now I'm having remorse at getting so upset. He was obviously trying to help me and I jumped down his throat. The whole thing was just weird.

I hate hearing my own voice even. Cannot imagine how bad it would be to watch myself on film.

[Miswimmy1]

you say that he asked you if he could take the video... did you say yes? Because then, you can't really blame him for taking it. If he took it without your consent, then that is an issue.

I really dont think he was doing that to make you feel bad about yourself. almost all of us feel like we hate listening to ourselves, hearing ourselves, etc. Its not just you.

[MASIMO]

I called T and left message that I knew he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. He just called to say he was Sorry and explained his reasoning...while I don't agree with his experiment, and i still am hurt, I know he was trying to help me. We cant stay upset with each other for long. I love him so, cant believe he sticks with me.

[Miswimmy1]

I'm glad you were able to call him and talk about it. That shows courage

I'm so happy that things got worked out. Ruptures are nvr good... :/ so I'm so happy for u that it didn't come to that

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

My T asked me if I would let him take a movie on his cell phone of me talking briefly
about something I am really stuck on in my life. I think he wanted to show me how set in stone my thoughts and beliefs are, and thought that watching myself explain it would somehow drive home that I need to change. I really didn't think long about it and said yes.
I spoke a couple of sentences as I sat on his couch with his phone pointed at me.

He emailed it to me later. I hated it. Hated how I looked physically, hated how pathetic
I seemed. I emailed him to say I hated it and to delete it. He tried to explain that he had deleted the movie and hoped I would delete some of my damaging thoughts from my inner self.

I was still upset and emailed him that if he wanted to make me feel ugly and pathetic he succeeded and I failed once again and to never do this to me again. I haven't heard from him yet. Now I'm having remorse at getting so upset. He was obviously trying to help me and I jumped down his throat. The whole thing was just weird.

It can be very weird seeing yourself or hearing your voice played back to you! I have a very hard time looking at myself in the mirror, and looking at pictures of myself. I can't IMAGINE what it would be like to watch myself in a video. I'm sorry the experience made you feel so bad. I don't think your T's intention. Maybe next time (if there is one) suggest that he audio record rather than video. Maybe that will be easier to swallow.