[hester91]

The last few appointments with T Ive felt alittle bit of hositilty in some on the things that he says and how he says them. He's come off as alittle bit snarky. I havent said anything b/c I'm afraid that hes going to say that I'm projecting.
This sounds silly but I forget to breathe. I forget to exhale and it just intensifies the anxiety attack. He'll remind me in a sing songy voice " your not breaathhingg". It is so condescending. He ****ing knows that I am aware that this is a problem. . I suffer with borderline personality and read that we are more attune to subtext, whether its true or not, I dont know. or Maybe I'm being too sensitive.
In any event, I want to tell him but what if he tells me that Im reading too much into it. Then ill be left feeling like a fool. In short, I dont trust my own feelings. I wish that it didnt bother me so but I almost want to quit altogether. This is an overreaction. Im so pissed off at him.

Sometimes when Im being critical of my self " I feel stupid". He'll, I guess, mirror what ive said except he'll add to it "so you feel like a loser, a fool". Subliminal?? All the things Ive shared and what if all the time he thought me a loser and a fool.? Iam heartbroken
These people are only human and im sure that it can be tedious but he cut me to the core. I wanted to explain this to him but I was crying and I knew that It wouldnt be coherent.

This has really shaken my trust in him. If I confront him , what if I get lipservice and how can I be sure of what he says. The truly sad thing is that he is the only person that I talk to about my problems. I dont rely on family or friends.
I hate that I've let this consume my weekend.
I dont see an icon for foolish but thats what I feel.

[Miswimmy1]

I think you need to ask him to stop. It would bug the crap out of me if my t said that in that singsongy voice. it bugs me to just have her tell me to breathe in general, because i feel like its so unhelpful. its like, duh, i know that i need to breathe. got anything else thats more useful?

Im sry that your t is coming across as hostile. I would bring it up, and hold your ground. if you feel like it really is an issue, then dont let him tell you that you are projecting.

[adel34]

I agree with Swimmy, I would ask him to stop. Try and tell him you're feeling uncomfortable with how he's being towards you. If he continues, or you don't feel heard, I'd try and find a therapist who specializes in BPD and is more sensitive.

[feralkittymom]

Have you asked him about his experience and training with treating borderline conditions? If he has the experience and training, then I'd say you'd benefit by working this through with him. That's the only way you'll know if your reactions are reflecting your condition or another reality.

If he doesn't have the training and experience, then maybe you need a better fit in a therapist.

[Wren_]

Some of those things with the mirroring are things i've experienced and a lot of T's do. It can be really confusing at times because it can seem like it's what the therapist thinks of us rather than that it's them airing our thoughts (checking they understand what we are feeling, seeing if hearing them brings up more for us etc). Your T might not realise it's hurting more than helping? the singsong your not breathing would totally irritate me as well; you need to let your T know it irritates not helps - again he might think it's comforting or something

[oceancries]

Has he ever been better? Is his behavior different than what he usually is?

[feralkittymom]

Hester, I just realized that you posted that interesting body language thread.

Seems like you're feeling pretty persistent and holistic distrust/annoyance/threat in a number of ways. I doubt this will get better if not addressed. I think you both deserve to give this a fair chance to see if it will work or not.

Part of the value in therapy is the reality check; but it can only work if you participate by sharing your reactions and perceptions. That way he understands you better, and you understand him better. Right now, you're hiding from the relationship by not giving him the feedback. If you can't say it in the moment, write it down outside of session and give to him in session.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Hester,
I would definitely tell my therapist, although I know it is difficult. Are you also afraid of losing him, along with what his reactions might be? Your therapist needs to know this information in order to help you. Keep us posted.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Hester, I just realized that you posted that interesting body language thread.

Seems like you're feeling pretty persistent and holistic distrust/annoyance/threat in a number of ways. I doubt this will get better if not addressed. I think you both deserve to give this a fair chance to see if it will work or not.

Part of the value in therapy is the reality check; but it can only work if you participate by sharing your reactions and perceptions. That way he understands you better, and you understand him better. Right now, you're hiding from the relationship by not giving him the feedback. If you can't say it in the moment, write it down outside of session and give to him in session.

Feralkittymom,

Haha, It seems my insecurities and quirks come through loud and clear even in writing. I have been struggling with basic distust, abandonment issues, really all of my life but theyve grown worse over the years. Yea, hiding from relationships Is my default. It's an Issue I struggle with daily.
Thanks for the feedback. Having someone else besides my T call me ont trust issues helps cement them better for me. I appreciate your encouragement

[hester91]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

Hester,
I would definitely tell my therapist, although I know it is difficult. Are you also afraid of losing him, along with what his reactions might be? Your therapist needs to know this information in order to help you. Keep us posted.

Antimatter,
Your right, I am afraid of his reaction and of alienating him. I'm working up a little script to address this. Thanks. Your thoughts have helped validate my fears and concerns. Im definitively hit you guys up again for advise. Again, your help is appreciated.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by oceancries

Has he ever been better? Is his behavior different than what he usually is?

Oceancries
He is actually a very nice guy and he has helped me a lot. I'm not good about letting him know when I'm bothered by something he's done or not done. I'm working on that one. Thanks

[hester91]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

Some of those things with the mirroring are things i've experienced and a lot of T's do. It can be really confusing at times because it can seem like it's what the therapist thinks of us rather than that it's them airing our thoughts (checking they understand what we are feeling, seeing if hearing them brings up more for us etc). Your T might not realise it's hurting more than helping? the singsong your not breathing would totally irritate me as well; you need to let your T know it irritates not helps - again he might think it's comforting or something

Tigergirl,
I've got to learn to speak up when I'm bothered. I tend to clam up and withdraw when I'm on the defensive. He probably does think that He's being Helpful since I dont let him know otherwise. Thanks for the feedback.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by adel34

I agree with Swimmy, I would ask him to stop. Try and tell him you're feeling uncomfortable with how he's being towards you. If he continues, or you don't feel heard, I'd try and find a therapist who specializes in BPD and is more sensitive.

Thanks, I'm going to mention it at my next appointment. Appreciate your help.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I think you need to ask him to stop. It would bug the crap out of me if my t said that in that singsongy voice. it bugs me to just have her tell me to breathe in general, because i feel like its so unhelpful. its like, duh, i know that i need to breathe. got anything else thats more useful?

Im sry that your t is coming across as hostile. I would bring it up, and hold your ground. if you feel like it really is an issue, then dont let him tell you that you are projecting.

Miswimmy ,
your right. I'm going to have to tell him to stop singing the obvious to me. Thanks for the support.

[oceancries]

Originally Posted by hester91

Oceancries
He is actually a very nice guy and he has helped me a lot. I'm not good about letting him know when I'm bothered by something he's done or not done. I'm working on that one. Thanks

Then I am sure if you speak up, he'll change his manner.