[MASIMO]

Seems like a pattern between T and me, I don't send him lots of emails or call him and then he reaches out to me because he hasn't heard from me. Almost feels like i am. Being rewarded for not being so needy. I hate being needy and Feel like I'm intruding on his personal life. So when i don't, there he is mailing or calling on a weekend. Am I reading Too much into this?

[Miswimmy1]

i totally relate so much. i dont think its really "Rewarding". i think it just shows that your t cares for you and thinks about you when he doesn't get an email or a phone call.

my t does this thing where if i get through something hard, or do some really hard exposure work (for anxiety), she will bring me little treats (chocolate, etc). that is more of what i think is a typical example of a reward. im not sure tho that a phone call is rewarding tho...

my t almost NEVER contacts me between sessions. she called once because she had to change my appointment, and another time just after I'd left her office because she forgot to give me my receipt. That was it in a little over a year. I know she cares; it's just that she is pretty vigilant about keeping the professional boundaries and I'd been on meds for over a year before I started seeing her, so I was past any crisis type situations. Those, I called my pdoc for.

Perhaps it is just his way. I seem to remember from previous posts that you're looking for signs that your T is romantically interested in you? I don't know that his behaviour suggests that... But I'm sure you don't need reminding that, ethically, a romantic relationship isn't something that should happen between clients and therapists, and there are good reasons for that. I hope you're not torturing yourself trying to analyse every little detail of what your T says and does, trying to figure out his motives and if he's giving you signals... I don't say that to be cruel, and I hope it doesn't come off patronising... I just hope you can stop hoping for it... if that's what you're doing, I may be way off in my assumptions. I just wouldn't like to think you were setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

[MASIMO]

What I'm trying to understand is if this is his way of encouraging me to be less dependent on him. Because, I think it does serve this purpose. Obviously if I have a crisis I'm going to contact him, but perhaps less general contact is what might come out of his actions.
He is saying that yes he is here for me, and I have that security instead of me trying to confirm it by contact outside of sessions.

I'm not implying has a romantic interest in me. My love for him has evolved into a more mature form. It is what it is, and I'm comfortable with it, and with him as just being my therapist. I have no further expectations of our relationship other than professional.
I am progressing in dealing with the transference I feel.

[pbutton]

I think it is always a much better idea to directly ask T, rather than try to interpret his actions. T's are open to this type of discussion and no one else can accurately explain what he is thinking.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

What I'm trying to understand is if this is his way of encouraging me to be less dependent on him. Because, I think it does serve this purpose. Obviously if I have a crisis I'm going to contact him, but perhaps less general contact is what might come out of his actions.
He is saying that yes he is here for me, and I have that security instead of me trying to confirm it by contact outside of sessions.

I'm not implying has a romantic interest in me. My love for him has evolved into a more mature form. It is what it is, and I'm comfortable with it, and with him as just being my therapist. I have no further expectations of our relationship other than professional.
I am progressing in dealing with the transference I feel.

How can he help you to be less dependent on him by reaching out to you even when you don't feel the need to contact him? Sounds a bit counterproductive...
Like being given chocolate as a reward for sticking to your diet.

My T does this too. He does it to check up on me. If I go through a time where I email a bunch and then just stop, he wants to make sure its not because I have gone off the deep end.

[murray]

Mine also seems to do this as well. The other thing that I've noticed is that if I start getting too nutso in my emails that he waits until I calm down a bit and email him in a better frame of mind before he responds. I think that he is trying to get me to see that I can get through it and also not always respond to me when I am getting really upset so as not to reinforce that behavior.

Originally Posted by murray

Mine also seems to do this as well. The other thing that I've noticed is that if I start getting too nutso in my emails that he waits until I calm down a bit and email him in a better frame of mind before he responds. I think that he is trying to get me to see that I can get through it and also not always respond to me when I am getting really upset so as not to reinforce that behavior.

Do we have the same T?

[murray]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Do we have the same T?

Unless he has a VERY long commute I doubt it. lol

I always thought my xT rewarded my not connected behavior in T with jokes and talks about movies and music...who wants to do therapy when you have another option.