the courage to heal

just wondering has anyone read the book; the courage to heal. T recommended i read it but have read se bad reviews online. I know i shouldn't always believe reviews bit the two women who wrote it have never been abused or have no training in psychology or psychotherapy.

I have read it and am working through the companion workbook.. One of the authors has been abused and talks about it both in the book and workbook. I like it, very informative. I will admit it is hard to read, it is graphic.. That why I had to take it alittle at a time. However, I found it helpful, and I still refer back to it while working through stuff with T and in my workbook. I guess, really the book isn't very everybody.

This is a good reason not to trust reviews. they are not accurate. I am glad you found the book helpful healed. If it is so graphic I don't think I would be able to read it just yet.

I remember this book when it first came out and became the Bible of abuse therapy groups. I suspect some felt comfort from it; it certainly provided many ill-trained but well-meaning therapists a ready text to center groups around (at least a dozen such groups sprang up overnight in my town).

I found its most pernicious quality was a tendency to encourage those using it in a group setting to feed off of each other in a frenzy of victimology: victimhood as a political statement, victimhood as solidarity. Everyone seemed to be so caught up with establishing their victim creds that healing-- as in full participation and enjoyment of a functional life apart from "survivor" status-- wasn't really on the radar. In the 8 years of my awareness of these groups, no one ever healed enough to leave the groups! Remember, this was also the time of the McMartin trial, etc.

I do believe in the possibility of repressed memories, especially coupled with dissociation. But this book, perhaps out of a well-intentioned attempt to give survivors a voice, had a way of making women identify only as victims. They called the victims "survivors," but by making such identification a point of political and cultural solidarity, I believe encouraged and prolonged victimhood.

Be aware also that it is very much a self-help book: it ignores an awful lot of professional knowledge in its pursuit of making survivors/readers feel understood.

I did not like the book nor did I find it helpful. I realize a lot of people have found it useful and I am glad. I also believe the authors had every good intention. The only book on CSA I have found helpful is the one by Susan Clancy - it was the first time my experiences were sort of validated.

I found Clancy's book to be very well researched and surprisingly helpful--but not in the ways many would expect.

Hated Courage to Heal. It has gone through some controversy and a bit of revision over the years since I first encountered it though, so perhaps things have changed since it was first published?

One of its controversial comments was something to the vein of if you have any kind of "memory" or inkling that you might have been abused, then you absolutely were and you should proceed as if you have been victimized. This, hand-in-hand with problems in the therapeudic community with implanting false memories and making false accusations at the time making the news, created a lot of grief and stress for those of us just beginning to deal with our abusive pasts.

It was the early 80's, and public discussion of sexual abuse matters were new ground in the media, the public, and even pretty new in the therapy community. Courage to Heal ironically landed more doubts on the reality CSA in the public's eye than it helped at the time. And for those of us dealing with that reality, having people doubt us because of the controversy behind the statements in that book was incredibly invalidating. The book, at that time, created more problems with stigma and public doubt than it actually helped.

I was first in therapy around the time when the book came out, and it was helpful to me individually and to the self help survivors' group that I was a part of for a long time, until I moved away. Neither I nor anyone else I know ever used the book as a way to stay "victims", nor was it invalidating to me. My assessment is that it was a lightening rod for people who were defensive about the common reality that CSA is quite prevalent, and that many of the people driving the criticism of the book were perpetrators of CSA.

I think like most other self help books, it's worth a look at but it's unlikely to be anything that is life changing. Different kinds of information and styles work for different people. I'd drop by a bookstore and see if it appeals to you, because whatever its role in the cultural revolution in CSA was or is, its basic purpose was to help survivors try to work through issues. It may or may not be useful to you.

That time period was very upsetting to me... all the talk about "implanting false memories" is one of the things that made me realize that I didn't remember a lot of my childhood... and that "concerned me" and what I did remember was very traumatic...

I was 21 and I went to see a psychologist to talk about my FOO (I had just moved away from home...first time to be out of the dysfunction) and the guy made me feel so stupid for going to see him... told me there was nothing wrong with me... told me to just forget about it and move on... told me that "not remembering" whole sections of certain times of your childhood is not "real"..

It was also during this era that the McMartin trial was going on which turned into a complete witch hunt and circus fiasco, additionally adding doubt an the minds of many as to the credibility of anyone claiming CSA. It was a tough time to be trying to deal with your own history personally amidst all the hullaballoo in the media. Things have gotten somewhat better in the media in recent years, but the effects of that era have been lasting.

Personally I found that CTH did me more harm than good ... I found myself so oft triggered and retraumatized by reading it that I ended up throwing it out ... I found Judith Herman's Trauma & Recovery to be more palatable / digestible.



ps. Other reads I've also found helpful:

Secret Survivors by E. Sue Blume
Toxic Families by Susan Forward
Portable Therapist by Susanna McMahon
Affirmations For The Inner Child by Rokelle Lerner

The main thing is go at your own pace and find the books and workbooks that work for you ... That way you won't end up retraumatizing yourself too ...

It never made any difference to me whatever the media reported or portrayed as "fact" or the like. I proceeded with the healing I needed to do and ignored what they supposed had to say. The media doesn't stand for truth to me and network TV certainly doesn't speak for me or my experience. Who cares what the media reports? They are just out for sensationalism and to sell advertising on TV, or newspapers, or whatever. The "stories" they report on TV are some cut and pasted out of context snippets of somebody's else's truth, not mine.

For me, the book put into words thoughts that I never did before, so it was very helpful.

I agree this is an excellent book, removed for the most part from explicit narratives about abuse or specific information about healing. It is an excellent summary of research in the area.

Well button. I don't think your be buying that book any time soon after the 'amazon' reviews here lol

I've been reading snippets of it ....its in my T's waiting area on a shelf... what I have read I have found thought provoking.... I'm still not to the point of saying that the abuse I know I did suffer and the confusing snippets of memories I have are SA but I'm not sure it makes a difference to my healing to give it a label... abuse is abuse and I'm hoping I can find a way to heal from whatever it is because I may never fully get those memories back.

The point is that the media DOES affect the people around us who we have to also deal with, and perhaps you are immune to the attitudes/beliefs of the people in your life who may buy what the media says hook, line, and sinker, but not all of us are or were. It was kind of like being in the middle of "the perfect storm" at the time.

Lets remember the new sticky. Everyone's entitled to be wrong.

I don't see anyone being wrong here. I simply see a variety of opinions and experiences being expressed.

Entitled.

This is one of those cases when the written word is failing me here. What are you saying with your one word answer? I have no idea what you are trying to communicate with it (probably because I've been reading essays all weekend and at this point I'm a bit brain-dead).

some information on the authors.....

Laura Davis was a victim of child sexual abuse. she remembered her abuse as an adult, ended up having a fight with her mother over the abuse, her mother (Temme) and Laura ended up having 7 yrs of no contact, then they decided to put the past behind and forge a new relationship. she has a website http://www.lauradavis.net/ she is also on facebook. she has wrote many books, magazine articles in which she includes her personal first hand experiences with being a sexual abuser survivor/ mom / daughter/ teacher and partnership with her life partner. laura Davis went on to write many survivor books and a book on how to heal estranged relationships. she now teaches writing classes and retreats to help others learn how to write and publish their memoirs /books.

Ellen bass also has a website where she discusses her books and personal life as it relates to her books and poems. http://www.ellenbass.com/bio.php she created many workshops and writing classes to help survivors learn how to write and express what was held secret inside their selves. in an interview she does say she is not a psychologist, i dont know if she is a therapist or just a teacher who noticed there was a need for survivors to have a way to express what they held inside. in the courage to heal she talks about how during her writing classes one of her students showed her a crumpled piece of paper with something wrote on it and she encouraged her to write more. as time went on she noticed there were others in the class that had abuse related topics in their writing. one day Laura Davis called her and they wrote the book together. Ellen Bass is a teacher and mom who teaching writing and workshops.

no matter what the topic when you search for something online you will always get both good and bad reviews. this isnt because the books are good or bad. its because human beings dont always like the same things...example I like jelly on my toast my wife hates jelly but loves peanut butter. so if we were writing a review about how peanut butter and jelly tastes my review would be jelly is good and peanut butter taste bad and my wifes would be jelly tastes bad and peanut butter is good and jelly is bad.

just like your tastes in books food and what not is going to be different than some people and the same with others. what matters is whether you like the books you read or not.

my suggestion borrow from your therapist or a library that way if you decide you dont like the book you arent out the cost of the book, and if you like it and find it helpful you can buy the book.

my opinion of the book is that though it was a hard book to get through because working on abuse issues is hard, I liked the book. both the crisis cener and hospital where I work have copies and I do use it with my clients. some like it others dont.

I think my point was that the experience you had was not universal. You seem to be arguing that you are "correct" and I was not denying your experience, just relaying my own. I don't see myself as a victim of the media or the people affected by it.

And I had and continue not to have people in my life who buy anything the media has to say. One of the ways I have healed and continue to heal is to be very selective of who I allow into my life and what I share with them.

I am sorry that you had the experience of people affected by the media in negative ways related to CSA and your own personal healing. Healing is hard enough without other people messing with your process.

No, I was just relaying my own experience and not at all saying my thinking was "correct"--just that it was my experience. I think you misconstrued what I was saying but that's okay. That's the problem with written communication sometimes. It is often incomplete and lacks the element of immediate discussion.

I agree with this and I am sure I am correct