Cannot talk in therapy

I started seeing my current T at the end of September, and have been seeing her 2x per week (for eating disorder/possible depression?).

I'm having a MASSIVE problem with opening up though, and its getting to me. I'm worried ill never be able to open up. I just find it incredibly hard and it feels like the words physically get stuck in my throat when I try to talk. Most of the time, if the question is too personal, I can manage "I don't know" and that is it. Very frustrating when I DO know and I have an answer, I just can't say it!

Today she made a comment like "do you worry about what would happen if you worked hard at this?" (meaning I guess if I started to think about everything that lead me to therapy) and now I'm wondering if she thinks I'm not trying, because I don't want to delve into stuff. I actually AM trying, I just really cannot talk! I don't want her to think I'm not willing to work hard at it or that I'm not trying because I am.

In a way I'm just worried that the therapy will abruptly be taken from me. I'm worried that there is a LOT to get through and I don't want to open a can of worms I can't get closure from. I'm scared about opening up and making myself vulnerable to someone if I'm then going to be left vulnerable.

It's frustrating. I WANT to talk, I WANT to be able to work through stuff and I want to be able to move on with my life like I can't at the moment, but I just find myself really unable to. grr.

Try writing stuff down and giving it to her. This helps me alot. One time we were doing empty chair technique and I was stuck and couldn't verbally say anything. She gave me paper and pen. When I finished she wanted me to read it. I couldn't. She asked for me to just say the first word. I did. We went one word at a time. I pushed through it and glad I did. It's ok to feel vunerable. That's what therapy is all about. i know it's hard but try to trust T.

It sounds like a trust thing. You dont wnat to open up because you haven't built up enough trust. Therapy takes time. You have only been in therapy since, sept? That is just the tip of the ice berg. It takes time. Your t knows this...

This ^ sounds like great stuff to discuss with your T.

I totally understand how you feel! I don't know how to help but I have a habit of writing lots down when I'm upset and recently given this to my therapist and it was helpful to tell her what I had been wanting to. I've also found that the more I write it down or sometimes even say it aloud to myself, its gotten easier and I can say stuff I never thought I would be able to.
I totally get how its involuntary though. No one believes me that I don't deliberately do it, but like you say the words get stuck in my throat and its kinda hard to explain. Try not to beat yourself up though, I know how frustrating it is
The best advice I can offer would be to write her a letter, and if you can include some of the stuff that is hard or you can't speak aloud. You could email it to her or post it, but personally I find it easier to give it to her in a session because then I feel I have plenty of time to think it over and re-read it. I found even writing the stuff down with the idea of giving it to her really hard but it does get easier!! You could even start writing by including the 4th paragraph of your post, or copy that to give her. There is hope, don't give up!!

I find things get stuck too. Frustrating! It seems like we don't WANT to work when the reality is it is too hard.

I found writing prose helped my t to understand my a bit better. I wrote down lots of the things I couldn't say.

She still has to scrabble words out of my mouth though :/ I hope it will get better for me. I hope it will get easier for you!

I feel like it is a form of a stutter actually. A prolonged stutter. The words are there, but they just won't come out.

I think it is a combination of tension and - something else. Funny enough, I can't think of the word.

It gets easier. Blurting helps. Don't think, just blurt.

It also helps if you say the words in a feigned accent (like an English one if you are American). If you focus on how you are saying it rather that what you are saying, it can be easier.

Why not go full monty and just pretend to be someone else? "Today in session the part of Anne, the neurotic hostile PTSD challenged client, will be played by her British cousin Pippa."

I went through this for the first several months of T also. I had the same fear that T was not going to last long and why get too involved if it's bound to end. At some point my T told me he expected us to be working together for several years, and that somehow was really horrifying to me, but also very comforting at the same time. Just to know that he was going to stick around for more than a year.

A trick that helps me not remain mute for long periods of time is to think about the money T is being paid and how I'm sitting there silent while he's getting paid. That tends to make me speak without over-thinking for long periods of time.

Alternatively, we could do "the role of happy, well adjusted, normal [insert name here] will be played by PTSD - riddled, hyper-vigilant, shame ridden Ellie. Enjoy!"

I am dealing with this sort of problem too. At my first two sessions (just had my third one yesterday) I couldn't seem to get out what I wanted to tell her or how I was feeling or anything productive. So I wrote a 'letter' and gave it to her. I asked her not to make me read it . She read parts of it out loud and parts of it to herself. It was nice that she didn't seem to judge me or see it as a cry for attention. She even got a little emotional in some spots.

I would strongly suggest that you write whatever you're feeling or what you're dealing with down on paper and give it to your T. It really helps.

Don't fret. I used to have this exact problem. It took a long time for me to be comfortable enough in therapy to consider my therapists questions and not immediately blurt out "I don't know" without being able to even think over the question.

It takes time and trust. You will get there.

Thank you so much for your advice everyone! I went in today and TOLD myself that I would talk no matter how hard it was. I actually have been feeling really good about it all day

What really helped was just making noises. Yep ok this sounds so silly but seriously I even just mouthed the first word or made a kind of strangled noise and that helped me to say a bit more. Also staring at the wall while talking helped :P

I said/we established that basically I was so afraid of doing something wrong and being thrown out of therapy that I just couldn't even test the waters. And that every session I was really scared that at the beginning she would tell me I couldn't come back. When I had to see a t before about 5 years ago I basically couldn't open up so after about 5 sessions they told me I shouldn't come back and I was really afraid of this happening again.

I feel SO much better now I've actually communicated this. I really hope this talking thing is something I can keep up because the session felt like it went so much better than usual and I warmed to her a lot more than I usually do. Also I noticed she reacted a lot better to me when I opened up to her and the conversation flowed a lot better.

Thank you so much for the advice everyone because this honestly just have me the courage to go in and actually talk.

Excellent work!!!!!!! YOU made it a better session!

Congratulations!