[lbdrox]

I'm wondering what the deal is with transference. I had my own experience with it, and I want to know why it's considered to be so bad. I grew up with not getting attention from my parents, emotional & sometimes physical abuse from my brother, (which my parents couldn't or didn't control) and basically feeling that no one loved me & that I was alone.
I am very uncomfortable with touch, especially in private parts. Wouldn't it make sense to be able to heal those things in therapy, so that I can get married & have a relationship with my husband, etc? Isn't transference all about getting what you didn't get when you were a child, so that you can move on?

Ibdtox. I agree with you. As painful as therapy can be, I welcome it. But I have a strong ego that can withstand it, and an analytical way of being as a personality trait. So bring it on I say. But not everyone is the same.

[feralkittymom]

There's nothing right or wrong about transference: it simply is a psychological construct that often exists. Some therapists view transference as the heart of therapy, and use it as the focus of therapeutic work. Others view it as less important, perhaps as an interference, and negate it as much as possible. Depends upon the therapist and his/her orientation to therapy.

Isn't transference all about getting what you didn't get when you were a child, so that you can move on?

Yes and no. If the therapist believes in working with the transference, then healing does involve working through the deficit, arrest, or trauma that the transference reflects; after which, development can proceed uninterrupted.

But that's not necessarily the same thing as getting whatever you didn't get as a child. I think as adult clients we forget that childhood naturally involves a great deal of frustrations. We usually don't remember them, whereas we experience them acutely in the present as part of the therapy process. It isn't always appropriate for a T to relieve those frustrations, anymore than it is appropriate for a parent to always relieve a child's frustrations. If either does, the growth process can be retarded.

I think the frustrations are handled more gently than in a dysfunctional childhood.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

I think the frustrations are handled more gently than in a dysfunctional childhood.

? I don't understand. I'm not comparing therapy to a dysfunctional model of parenting.

You said therapy isn't just about getting what we didn't get as children. It contains some of our needs/wants being frustrated. I'm saying even that is part of getting what we didn't get in any healthy way. So it's part of getting what we didn't get. Not seperate from it. Is that more understandable? Sorry if not.

[feralkittymom]

Yes--because the inconsistency and the inappropriateness of frustrations in a dysfunctional childhood are damaging. So therapy can fill some needs, and frustrate some needs, but they may or may not be the same frustrations as we experienced as children.

I think I'd best quit before I twist this even more!