Visited with husbands family recently. Occasions like this help me see how far I've come. I sat listening to them caught in their own frustrations, their anger spewing out on others, their dissatisfactions playing lead role in the drama of their life.

These are not struggling working class people. They've led comfortable lifes financially. But their inner worlds are less than comfortable.

They wouldn't consider themselves candidates for therapy.

As they talked about their 'phantasy' expectations I knew they had no insight into the disparity between reality and our phantasys. They are still protesting, waiting for the battle between real v unreal to be won.

I felt as I left that I had just been taken on a ride at a theme park but I was able to remain balanced in my own internal world whilst they were screaming at every twist & turn.

I was able to enter their 'madness' without being taken over by it. Before I would have been engulfed in other people's 'stuff'.

I know the life I much prefer. The examined life.

[sconnie892]

I have found myself in similar situations as well. In talking with friends, co-workers or family as they spill out a laundry list of everything that is wrong, I find myself realizing that I used to sound like that as well. I find myself seeing how far I have come in the last year and I am amazed at what therapy has done for me. A blessing to count for the year.

[struggling2]

thats awesome earthmama! good for you!

[autotelica]

oops. repeated below

[autotelica]

Therapy can help family and friends as well as the patient. Before I had my therapist, I would try to talk to my sister about my problems. My poor communication skills coupled with her lack of understanding over my strange concerns strained our relationship. Now I don't have to burden her with all my stuff. I don't know if this means I'm doing better than before, though. It just means that I'm paying someone to listen to me talk about me, freeing me up to talk about something else when I'm around other people. I think lots of people would benefit from this service alone.

However, I do worry that having a therapist has made my life too compartmentalized. My sister will tell me about boyfriend drama, for instance, and even though I don't totally understand all of it, I'm glad she feels like she can share her struggles with me and give me a chance to advise and console. I have been doing better in this department, but for the longest time I walled off my life from her because my therapist was taking care of it all, and what advice could she give me that was better than my therapist's? The same with my mother. My mother doesn't know the things about me that she really wishes she did because I have another maternal figure in my life who says (mostly) all the right things. While my mother--being a human--doesn't. Perhaps if I talked to her more often, she would eventually learn how to say the right things. But it just seems like too big of a risk to take, and having a therapist removes some of the motivation to try.

So I can see the benefits of therapy and I know it's been a life-changing thing for me, but I don't blame other people for choosing to work things out on their own either.

Blame? I don't blame. Some people never work their problems out. They continue projecting them on the people around them. Yuk! But I understand how unconscious fear keeps people stuck. Shame, there's so much to be had.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Blame? I don't blame. Some people never work their problems out. They continue projecting them on the people around them. Yuk! But I understand how unconscious fear keeps people stuck. Shame, there's so much to be had.

Some people in therapy never work their problems out, too. And just being in therapy does not prevent people from projecting and blaming and being afraid. Therapy does not remove all blindspots, you know?

I hope I don't come across as overly critical. I probably am, but what the heck, here goes: There seems to be a subtle self-righteousness in the OP. Perhaps I feel this way because I don't have to see other people to see how I have benefited from therapy. And I guess I am feeling like I would hate for someone to look at me and my flaws and say, "If autotelica would do X, Y, or Z, she would be better off like me." Therapy is kind of like going to church. It only works for people if they believe it will. And the folks that are a hot mess may in fact BE in therapy. It's easy to assume things about people just because they don't tell us everything.

Auto. When I write here. I write my thoughts, feelings, experiences. Much like in therapy. The people I wrote about were being far more critical of the world than I here. They will never know my thread exists. It was more a post celebrating my achievements. You seem to have projected some of your unconscious critism of someone closet to you and your failure to overcome it into my experience. I'm sorry it has had that effec t on you and you could not experience my joy.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Auto. When I write here. I write my thoughts, feelings, experiences. Much like in therapy. The people I wrote about were being far more critical of the world than I here. They will never know my thread exists. It was more a post celebrating my achievements. You seem to have projected some of your unconscious critism of someone closet to you and your failure to overcome it into my experience. I'm sorry it has had that effec t on you and you could not experience my joy.

I am not projecting, and I really hope you don't go around accusing the people around you of projection whenever they don't 100% cosign what you say or how you say it. That is not a conducive way to have a rational discussion about anything.

What I have done, earthmamma, is read your words, digest them, and then express my own thoughts in response. If you don't want to hear other people's opinions about your thoughts and feelings, you probably shouldn't be posting them in public, you know?

It doesn't matter that your loved ones will not read your words, by the way. Thoughts alone reveal a lot. Being aware of the shortcomings of our thoughts is another thing we're supposed to be getting out of therapy.

Have you talked with family members about how therapy has helped you? Just curious.

Auto, there you go again.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by autotelica

There seems to be a subtle self-righteousness in the OP. .

I don't know if it's appropriate to put in a word here (of course that seldom stops me, lol) but I will.
the OP didn't strike me that way at all. Being able to admit that one has (through hard work, through fire sometimes) learned a thing or two about human nature, including one's own, doesn't necessarily translate to self righteousness.

also I agree with OP that many people would not consider therapy for a moment, when it could actually help them; but for not having a clue as to what it's really like or about, they will never explore the possibility. that's a plain fact, and one that maybe the public discourse will change *a little* in near future.

Therapy is not a cure all, no; and it's not for just everyone, no; but its benefits need to be better understood, and just for myself, I'm aware of benefits it has that I never suspected when I started the process. whether I ever reach them is a question but I know they're there.
I do see them in PC people all the time BTW.

Auto I didn't talk about the benefits because that would have been condescending. I tried to offer the benefits without telling them.

You seem triggered. Perhaps if you had more of the story..'R' whilst watching the news of a gypsy family being convicted of keeping homeless European immigrants with mental health difficulties as slaves and torturing them remarked that it was there fault for coming over to this country. And when his wife in tears at her frustrations at having to take care of her 87 yr old mother begun 'R' said his fed up with hearing about it and he would change the locks if she went over to her elderly mother again. He said the 87yr old could do more for herself.

I was raised by parents with that mentality. So yes I celebrate my freedom from that.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

I'm sorry it has had that effec t on you and you could not experience my joy.

I didn't see you experiencing joy in the OP. I saw you doing something else completely.

I don't know how I could experience joy about myself while seeing family members go through trials and tribulations that at one time I may have experienced and suffered from too. If this is how it is for you, though, it is just how it is. We can't help how we feel (one thing I have learned from therapy).

Since I am doing "it" again, I will stop posting to this thread.

I didn't take joy in their madness. I took joy that I decided to take a different path. I pointed out that the immigrants were humanbeings. Therapy gave me that. I'm sorry you are disturbed by my words. I've explained it the best I can I'm done now. Peace.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

You seem triggered.

Can I ask that you please stop using these kinds of words with me? I am neither projecting or triggered. I am just trying to understand your OP better.

I am not the type of person who just reads an OP and unconditionally expresses support, especially if I don't understand the thoughts and feelings and experiences that are behind the scenes. I don't agree with everything I read just because it * feels* right. That just isn't my style.

That sucks that your relatives are bigoted and hateful. I would not like being around that either, and it's good that you have developed the strength to avoid being sucked into that presence. I can see how therapy can give a person strength to deal with that kind of negativity. I don't know if it can help a person who already has that mindset, though.

I know I said I was going to leave, but I felt like I had to get all that out first.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by autotelica

Some people in therapy never work their problems out, too. And just being in therapy does not prevent people from projecting and blaming and being afraid. Therapy does not remove all blindspots, you know?

I hope I don't come across as overly critical. I probably am, but what the heck, here goes: There seems to be a subtle self-righteousness in the OP. Perhaps I feel this way because I don't have to see other people to see how I have benefited from therapy. And I guess I am feeling like I would hate for someone to look at me and my flaws and say, "If autotelica would do X, Y, or Z, she would be better off like me." Therapy is kind of like going to church. It only works for people if they believe it will. And the folks that are a hot mess may in fact BE in therapy. It's easy to assume things about people just because they don't tell us everything.

Clearly not, when reading the responses to the OP

Auto, I felt I had to get out how I felt after my experience. But it appears that's not ok for me to have done. As I said I feel this isn't about me. These are issues for you.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by autotelica

Some people in therapy never work their problems out, too. And just being in therapy does not prevent people from projecting and blaming and being afraid. Therapy does not remove all blindspots, you know?

I hope I don't come across as overly critical. I probably am, but what the heck, here goes: There seems to be a subtle self-righteousness in the OP. Perhaps I feel this way because I don't have to see other people to see how I have benefited from therapy. And I guess I am feeling like I would hate for someone to look at me and my flaws and say, "If autotelica would do X, Y, or Z, she would be better off like me." Therapy is kind of like going to church. It only works for people if they believe it will. And the folks that are a hot mess may in fact BE in therapy. It's easy to assume things about people just because they don't tell us everything.

Sorry too tempting. What are you doing with your responses?

I feel like I've been run over by a steam roller.

[autotelica]

I'm sorry for ruining your thread, earthmamma. I was trying to find out the context behind your experience. Now I'm realizing that this wasn't appropriate.

My threads not ruined. My experience of you has been for the moment.

[autotelica]

I am sorry that I have ruined your experience of me.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

I didn't take joy in their madness. I took joy that I decided to take a different path.

This is what resonated with me when I read your post. I know that sense of realizing that I am in a different place. My version of what you experienced is when I have felt as rooted and strong as a tree, bending but not breaking in the wind of someone else's emotional baggage directed at me. It just blew around me, and I stayed mindful and in the present. It's a good feeling.