[Wren_]

I made what felt like a big breakthrough in a session the other day. Something changed, there was movement in long held thinking patterns. Afterwards I felt hope creeping in. It felt good. Actually it felt wonderful. A tiny light shining into the cave. Then the darkness began to return again; the rest of the cave closing over the gap ... I don't want it to do that! Is there really a way out when there is so much gunk in the way? (rocks, cave walls, bat mess etc.)
I don't know how to "be" outside of this
I want to be though

In my experience yes, there is a way out. Unfortunately not without the darkness creeping back over you again and again in the process, though. It isn't linear progress, I have a lot of setbacks, but what has improved is my resiliency. I don't feel so unbearably smothered anymore, and not for as long as I used to.

I know it's not easy or sounds very helpful, but have patience and keep going. It's wonderful that you experienced a breakthrough, and that can't get taken away now even when you'll have difficult times. We feel the heavy weight of bad feelings, but I think we forget to also be lifted by and feel positively about the good breakthroughs as well, and how much they can add up to feeling a lot better overall.

[rainbow8]

I am glad that you saw a tiny light shining into the cave, tigergirl. Can you ask your T to help you bring the light back? I'm sure that even though the darkness has seemed to come back, it's not the same. Once there is even a tiny bit of light, there is hope. I have faith in you, that the light will return and that there will be a way out for you. Just be open to whatever happens.

[elliemay]

Sure there is a way out. You've now seen it, albeit in a fleeting manner. You can re-visit that exit any time you like until it becomes more permanent, and then you can, metaphorically speaking, walk through it.

Yeah... no. It's not been my experience that all of a sudden one day I just walk out and I'm finished, but things do get much much better and those visits to the light and hope get longer and longer.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I made what felt like a big breakthrough in a session the other day. Something changed, there was movement in long held thinking patterns. Afterwards I felt hope creeping in. It felt good. Actually it felt wonderful. A tiny light shining into the cave. Then the darkness began to return again; the rest of the cave closing over the gap ... I don't want it to do that! Is there really a way out when there is so much gunk in the way? (rocks, cave walls, bat mess etc.)
I don't know how to "be" outside of this
I want to be though

I don't think it works quite that way.

You never actually "leave" the cave. Instead, you make the cave bigger and brighter until it becomes the sky.

[Wren_]

thanks ...

You can re-visit that exit any time you like until it becomes more permanent, and then you can, metaphorically speaking, walk through it.

i like the idea of re-visiting ... i think my pattern is i see the darkness in things again and then forget that the exit or light was there after a time

You never actually "leave" the cave. Instead, you make the cave bigger and brighter until it becomes the sky.

thinking about this, i suppose it depends what the cave is; thanks can't

Can you ask your T to help you bring the light back?

i'm not sure; i hope i find more of it though

We feel the heavy weight of bad feelings, but I think we forget to also be lifted by and feel positively about the good breakthroughs as well, and how much they can add up to feeling a lot better overall.

i know i remember the bad feelings and forget the good often

[sittingatwatersedge]

Tgirl... write it down. It's a wonderful thing to go back into your journal, a year or even more, and see what you wrote then. Like a map, you draw one landmark at a time, till you're out.

be gentle with yourself. Lots of people on here have given you good pointers.

[~EnlightenMe~]

(((((((((((((tigergirl))))))))))))))))

I am not in a place where I have words of wisdom, but here is some light to help you when are in the darkest of places.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I made what felt like a big breakthrough in a session the other day. Something changed, there was movement in long held thinking patterns. Afterwards I felt hope creeping in. It felt good. Actually it felt wonderful. A tiny light shining into the cave. Then the darkness began to return again; the rest of the cave closing over the gap ... I don't want it to do that! Is there really a way out when there is so much gunk in the way? (rocks, cave walls, bat mess etc.)
I don't know how to "be" outside of this
I want to be though

Is there really a way out? YES! and this happening really is your hope
Keep working and it will stay longer and you will learn ways to keep the darkness away, when it's more understood and when you get a bigger glimpse of your own power.

You're doing great!

[Lamplighter]

Actually it felt wonderful. A tiny light shining into the cave. Then the darkness began to return again; the rest of the cave closing over the gap

You know, I experience something similar and I call it 'catching a glimpse' and it's just wonderful when that happens, it's like the clouds roll away to reveal this sparkling green landscape and I think yes of course how clear and obvious that is, and then, ALWAYS, it's like the clouds roll back and I'm left only with the memory THAT I glimpsed/understood something, but not the actual meaning of it anymore. Even when I write it down all I have left is a handful of words that no longer mean anything .

It's very frustrating and depressing because try as I might I never recapture that glimpse. I understand now that it's my own anti-me defences making sure that I don't get to 'have' anything positive or life changing so I give up on trying to chase it anymore. I think though that such insights as you had, glimpses or flashes of understanding - do sink in and do operate subliminally even if you lose sight of them. It would be nice if you could stay aware of that bright light in the cave, but failing that maybe it would be helpful to imagine that each ray of light renders the darkness just a tiny bit less dense and black...

Gosh sorry I'm being a bit fanciful here, it's just that what you said resonated so much with what happens for me on such a regular basis I had to post. I hope you have many more such flashes of brightness, and soon

Torn

[avlady]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I don't think it works quite that way.

You never actually "leave" the cave. Instead, you make the cave bigger and brighter until it becomes the sky.

i love that reply