[Butterflies Are Free]

Well... This is a hard post for me to write because I feel some shame around how I feel. About two weeks ago, my T suggested a reduction in the number of times I see her a week. Although I agreed that this would be a good idea, I had a very strong reaction(anxiety) later. I have a great support system and even have ideas about what I can do with my "free" afternoon, but unfortunately, my old attachment/abandonment issues have been triggered and I feel embarrasses by that. I don't want to become overly dependent on my T but am not sure how to navigate this situation/these feelings. I was supposed to start this process two weeks ago but am now going to wait until Feb. My T said we would try it on a trial basis. Now, in the scheme of life, I realize I am "overreacting" to all of this and I was hoping some of you could "remind" me that I will survive. I will be better off in the long run but right now it feels a bit scary... Thanks!

How many times a week do you see your T now? What are you reducing to?

[mixedup_emotions]

The change is scary, and it is normal to feel a sense of discomfort because of the shift. It'd be very worthwhile to talk to your T about this, as it could lead to greater understanding.

I went from 2 sessions per week to 1 session per week a while back, and it was a difficult adjustment for me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was distancing myself from T because of it and it led to a small rupture with T. It wasn't until T pointed it out to me that I realized that the change had an impact on me.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I will be going from 2 sessions to 1 session.

[southpole]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

Well... This is a hard post for me to write because I feel some shame around how I feel. About two weeks ago, my T suggested a reduction in the number of times I see her a week. Although I agreed that this would be a good idea, I had a very strong reaction(anxiety) later. I have a great support system and even have ideas about what I can do with my "free" afternoon, but unfortunately, my old attachment/abandonment issues have been triggered and I feel embarrasses by that. I don't want to become overly dependent on my T but am not sure how to navigate this situation/these feelings. I was supposed to start this process two weeks ago but am now going to wait until Feb. My T said we would try it on a trial basis. Now, in the scheme of life, I realize I am "overreacting" to all of this and I was hoping some of you could "remind" me that I will survive. I will be better off in the long run but right now it feels a bit scary... Thanks!

Wow I was just about to start a thread on this EXACT topic!! So I don't mean to hijack but I'd like to share what I'm going through too ... I also feel like I am over reacting ... I've improved so much over lately that today my T asked if I want to go back to one session a week from two. As soon as she said it I got defensive and said, all cool like, "yeah I think so, can't really afford twice a week anymore anyway".

What I was really saying in my head was: "I had just begun to trust you and now you are insinuating that I don't really need your help. It makes me feel like you think I'm "cured" when I know I am not. We have only just begun scratching the surface of what is wrong with me, I am holding back on so much stuff because I have trust issues. But now I feel like you don't really care about me, that you don't want to see me, and now I don't trust you."

Part of me recognizes that these thoughts are absolutely an irrational reaction. But for some reason I feel hurt. I know I should talk to T about this because I realize it's not so much about the situation but that it's triggered some sort of past hurt (abandonment etc). But I find it virtually impossible to talk to T about things like this, when they involve my reaction to HER.

Butterflies, please let me know how you go with this, how you are feeling etc ... do you think you can talk to her about how you feel?? I also feel ashamed for reacting like this

[ECHOES]

If you have changed your mind, and you don't want to do this, please tell your T.
You feel how you feel and that's okay. It's so understandable that we could agree to something, especially when wanting to please our therapist, then feel differently when we think about it more. You said yes, but have thought about it more and now you want to say, no-I've changed my mind. That's okay. Let her know and talk about it more.

[southpole]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was distancing myself from T because of it and it led to a small rupture with T. It wasn't until T pointed it out to me that I realized that the change had an impact on me.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Let her know and talk about it more.

I already feel like I am distancing. I want to cancel my appointments. Will try to talk to her about this.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by southpole

I already feel like I am distancing. I want to cancel my appointments.

This is so understandable. Of course, you are hurt and trying to prevent more hurt, and possibly retaliating/pushing back. I'm glad you will talk to her about this. It's so important and talking about it can be so relieving.

[hungycaterpillar]

Of course it is scary and you will survive it. I think it is good that your T is doing it on a trial basis and you can start it later if you want.

[sunrise]

I would just share with T what's going on with your thoughts on changing session frequency. If you agreed readily to her suggestion, she probably doesn't know about your anxiety and fears about the change.

When I changed from therapy once a week to once every other week, it was hard at first. After a few months, I told T about the difficulties I was having, and he suggested I go every other week for 90 minutes instead of 50. This helped immensely! So once I shared the trouble with T, he was able to help. So don't keep what's going on to yourself. Your T may have some ideas on how to make the transition easier.

I agree that it can and will lead to resentment which will lead to a rupture with t if this is not disscussed Butterflies. I totally did not want to reduce my time with my first t, I was very sui and she reduced my sessions from once a week to once a month and afterwards I didn't trust her and I thought she didn't care. She even made me take a six month break in the middle and I hated it and her

[Butterflies Are Free]

Thanks, everyone. I feel fortunate that I am able to talk to my T about this, which is good. I think I am "disappointed" in myself a little because I feel like I should be able to "handle" it.
If this does not work out, I can go back to the way it was, at least for a bit. It is hard to work through this old attachment stuff... Funny thing is, I was supposed to see my T today but she called to cancel because she is sick. I panicked a bit at first but stopped by the bookstore on my way home from work and picked up Tara Brach's new book: True Refuge.
I will see my T on Thursday and will bring it up.

[southpole]

Hi Butterflies, glad to hear this. Just wondering how you approached talking about the attachment issues? I am scared to but want to.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Well, I just told my T that I wanted to be honest with her and needed some help working through my feelings. Right now I am struggling because I am angry that I feel so attached - I also talk to my T about theses feelings. You could always start by telling your T that you have something to share but it's difficult for you and you are feeling vulnerable.

[southpole]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

Well, I just told my T that I wanted to be honest with her and needed some help working through my feelings. Right now I am struggling because I am angry that I feel so attached - I also talk to my T about theses feelings. You could always start by telling your T that you have something to share but it's difficult for you and you are feeling vulnerable.

Thanks Butterflies. I think I have now made a little bit of leeway. I at least told that that I needed to talk about abandonment etc without actually talking about it - will save that for next time. Fingers crossed!