[trdleblue]

Insomnia seems to be back. Today (well Wed. really) the same thing happened in t that occurred last week. The person in the office before me has been wearing a cologne that lingers in the room. Each time the smell has flooded me with terror, anxiety, and memories. This week my T noticed instantly and moved us into a vacant office. I appreciate that he moved us, but I am left feeling like such a freak. It took a lot for me to just not bolt out the door. I distracted myself for most of the day, but now in my room I am having trouble escaping my thoughts. I know it's irrational, but I keep on looking towards my door expecting to see someone standing there. It's connected to how I felt this afternoon, and last week. How do I get it to stop? I don't want to go through another week of this, and I want to try to feel safer in t, but this is making it difficult.

[shlump]

Are you thinking you will see the other client standing there?

Is it a fear? Or maybe a comfort?

I don't want you to go through the week like this either.

Do you think talking about it would help?

I'm here...

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by shlump

Are you thinking you will see the other client standing there?

Is it a fear? Or maybe a comfort?

I don't want you to go through the week like this either.

Do you think talking about it would help?

I'm here...

Thank you. No, it has nothing to do with another client. It's another T that is wearing the cologne, and the person I am expecting to see in my room has to do with the memories the smell is connected with.

[shlump]

I'm so sorry. I did not check back on the thread.

Have you been able to move a little away from this?

[shlump]

Please PM anytime. I am awful at keeping up...I will try. I want to know your story.

[mixedup_emotions]

Ultimately, it's important to rely on grounding techniques and to explore the underlying reason the smell is so triggering to you.

Hopefully, you'll be able to work on that with T.

[healed84]

Have you and T talked about this at all? I think what will help is exploring why this smell is so triggering for you and make it less offensive to you. Has T done any grounding work with you while you are feeling all these emotions?

[feralkittymom]

Honestly, in this case I think your T should request of the other T that he refrain from wearing the cologne. You shouldn't have to work on this memory while triggered.

Smell is an incredibly powerful trigger and you're not a freak for being sensitive to it.

Maybe this will make you feel better:

I had an overwhelming flashback once to the sight of a small, dark storage room. It was connected to the main room of my T's office, and exited the office. So it was a way for the office to have a separate entrance and exit, for privacy. My first visit to this new office, we got up to leave and my T went before me and opened the door and walked through to open the outer door. As soon as I crossed the threshold into that storage room, I had a massive flashback, and when it had passed, I found that I had peed--an obvious spot on the carpet!

I thought I'd never get past the shame of being triggered like that. My T was wonderful about it, and after we processed the memory it connected to, it all made perfect sense.

Let your T help you through this. The fact that he realized you were triggered shows that he only cares about helping you.

[Anne2.0]

I'm sorry that this has been so difficult. I have been there, or been in that neighborhood. Apparently in the research on traumatic memories, olfactory memories are often the strongest links/triggers to traumatic experience and smells can trigger PTSD symptoms, which sounds like you are experiencing something like that.

It is good that you understand that your fear is linked to something specific, and that you understand cognitively that this smell does not mean that you are going to see the person that you associate with that smell. I knew a survivor from my group long ago who could remember what her perpetrator smelled like, but could not remember what he looked like. Smells were really tough on her and triggered memories all the time, and they weren't all that specific either.

Is this the first time you feel that you've been triggered as a response to this smell, or have their been other times? If it's something that has happened to you before, then you know that you have the skills to get through it. For me, anytime I have had a strong dissociative reaction to a trigger and I've understood what that trigger is about, what has helped me is to just dig into the traumatic content that it's associated with and try to unhook the trauma from the trigger. Bringing logic to bear really helps, and telling myself that the fact that this person reminds me of my perpetrator in some way does not make him into one, and that doing X is really an acceptable thing to do.

It does get better.

[stopdog]

Smell can create a huge response in me too. I hope you can sort it out.

Smell memories are HUGE and hard to address for me. My T mentioned something one time about something ... cannot remember what exactly, but he mentioned something about the way my mother smelled. I am not at all a shouter, and I am generally VERY contained, but I freaked out. I blurted out, "NO. STOP," in what was likely a shout. He froze, I froze, and then just sat there, trying not to scream and shriek. [I'm also not a shrieker, if you hadn't guessed.] I could not speak at all, and had to keep swallowing to keep from screaming or throwing up. If I had actually smelled something that really smelled like her, I do not know if I could have held it together. Please do not feel badly about not being in control of this.

And I agree with feralkittymom that your T should request the other T to not wear the cologne, or routinely meet with you in a different room so that you are not confronted by that smell until you have time to work through it.

[feralkittymom]

MKAC, of course you're not a shrieker--you have horses. I have a theory that people who have experienced childhood trauma are the most intuitive about horses and so work most effectively with them.

[pbutton]

There is a certain basement smell that I can barely bear to think about. It is really hard.

[murray]

Originally Posted by pbutton

There is a certain basement smell that I can barely bear to think about. It is really hard.

Yeah, me too on this one.

[~EnlightenMe~]

(((trdlblue))))

[Victoria'smom]

Please ask for accommodation until you get passed this.

[trdleblue]

Thank you for the responses. I'm going to reply to them a bit more tomorrow. I would tonight, but I have been at work since 9 this morning, on my feet the entire time. That combined with my lack of sleep has made my brain mush. I still feel embarrassed and a bit of a freak, but I'm not as on edge as I was yesterday. I hope that means I will get some sleep tonight.