[Sannah]

Hello, a few times on this forum I have been attacked because someone didn't agree with me. I have come to the awareness in my life how I give people too many chances and I take the high road and try to work things out with them. Well I'm learning how much of a beating you can take doing this.

I'm finding myself coming to this forum and being a little nervous to being attacked. These other areas in my life where I have discovered this, well one, I dropped that one right out of my life. Don't really want to do that here.

So, just a suggestion, if you find yourself triggered here by what someone says please try to not go on the attack. We all have the rights to our opinions and we can discuss it with claws retracted. (And I'm not talking about everyone who has disagreed with me, just those who did it in attack mode because I don't mind at all people disagreeing with me).

What am I wanting with this thread? I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and get it out in the open because I'm not feeling comfortable here.

[Sannah]

I guess I'm having the perfect storm right now with this issue, where in the past here I would have let it go but I'm dealing with this issue right now in my life so it sort of makes it more urgent here.

I'm having a lot of feelings about this issue and just don't know what to do with them and I want to resolve them. This is an excellent place to resolve things.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Sannah - I am sorry that you've felt attacked. I think it's one of the pitfalls of a mostly anonymous forum...it's much easier to attack when you disagree with someone. I think sometimes, when a particular comment has struck a nerve, it's hard to remember that there is a real person on the other end of that post. I wish that people would either just not reply to things that they don't find useful, or reply with a "thanks, but I don't think that will work for me," and let it drop.

I often find your comments thought provoking and insightful.

This is the pyschotherapy forum. Perhaps you could deal with this in therapy??

[stopdog]

Sorry to hear you are feeling attacked. I feel attacked on this forum by a couple of posters but I try not to read their posts (sometimes I fail at this and both read and respond on threads they did not start) and don't respond to their specific threads. The feeling of being attacked is highly unpleasant to me, but the attacks do not change my position or my belief that I have every right to both post and to be different.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

This is the pyschotherapy forum. Perhaps you could deal with this in therapy??

Case in point. Maybe I should just leave. I come here to help but I can't do it if I'm losing.

[mixedup_emotions]

Sannah, I have experienced this exact thing here on the forum....and part of my work IRL was to rid myself of people who were unhealthy for me. So, in finding that here, I struggled with how to handle it.

I can relate it to dealing with unhealthy family members, when you can't entirely rid yourself of them. I try to limit my contact with them and limit my exposure to them. Translating that here, it pretty much keeps me off of certain threads and keeps me from putting my "stuff" out there.

T is also trying to help me restructure how I receive the information - e.g. instead of feeling traumatized by it, try to see the ridiculousness of it and find humor in it. Find a way to make it work for me so that I am not harmed by it. Easier said than done.

I'm sad to see you going through this, and I really feel for you because I can relate. What once used to be a tremendous asset for me has become much less available to me.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Case in point. Maybe I should just leave. I come here to help but I can't do it if I'm losing.

It's important that you find out what you are gaining from being here. Helping others is great, but what are you getting out of it? That seems worthwhile to know.

Also, something to keep in mind....just because the attacker is not receptive to your feedback doesn't mean the information and support is not valuable to others. Sometimes I've read some threads and have gained insight and valuable information without acknowledging it. I realize that this doesn't help the poster of that valuable information, so I will take that into consideration. Most times, it's because I don't want to get involved in the drama and become the target of attacks...I just don't need that in my life.

[lonelyBchoice]

I get the sence that I could have " attacked" recently. I value feedback myself so here goes: I admire some of your post a great deal! Have to say there have been times where I wondered if you are here as a " peer" or to act out a wish to " act " like a T. This is not about you as a person, it´s just a feeling ( perhaps due to my one issues) I get. It´s written with the best intentions in mind.

[karebear1]

DocJohn has posted about this very thing and 'sticky-ed' his post to the top of this forum.

I have seen what you are talking about Sannah and I'm sorry you've been subjected to it. It is hard to want to come back and be a part of a community where you feel there is someone around that doesn't want you here. Please know this though- there are many, many people here that find your comments valuable and would feel deprived of your knowledge and insight if you stopped posting.

Originally Posted by Sannah

Case in point. Maybe I should just leave. I come here to help but I can't do it if I'm losing.

I am not attacking you. I think your projecting. You tend to put yourself In a position that deprecates you from the purpose of this forum. Please don't use my replys to victimise yourself.

[Sannah]

Thanks for responding LBC, and yes, this is the last incident that I'm referring to.

Originally Posted by lonelyBchoice

Have to say there have been times where I wondered if you are here as a " peer" or to act out a wish to " act " like a T.

And if this is the case, why would I need to be reprimanded?

I'm not acting. I'm going to be starting a position as a T next month if medicaid doesn't get cut. They are waiting on this. I have the training and experience, why can't I come here to help?

[elliemay]

I would also like to put out there that i've gotten some pretty unruly PMs as well. It doesn't help me for it to be more "private"

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

You tend to put yourself In a position that deprecates you from the purpose of this forum.

I'm not sure what you mean?

I have always appreciated your help Sannah, training or not, agree or not. We need all perspectives to be a well rounded forum.

[Abby]

I am sorry that this has happened because I appreciate you. It helps me to have someone familiar who cares enough not only to listen but to help me explore why. And who knows what I can do and what I can't yet, but who gently reminds me that even if I can't that doesn't mean I will always be that way. I think being attacked is really scary.

Originally Posted by elliemay

I would also like to put out there that i've gotten some pretty unruly PMs as well. It doesn't help me for it to be more "private"

So have I lol. It helps to remember its 'their' stuff.

[stopdog]

I find there is a huge difference in disagreeing with a point versus making it personal. I find there are some who post who can disagree with ideas but be respectful, and a small handful who cannot and who keep making attacks on specific people.

Sannah,

I'm unsure what you are referring to because I have long since stopped reading every thread. That being said, I appreciate the fact that you read my threads, that your comments are helpful whether I have always agreed or not... I have a lot of respect for you because when you say "keep us posted" you go back and watch for updates on the threads and comment... you care...

[Bill3]

Sannah, I always welcome your posts, read them with attention and care, and learn from them. Thank you for being here.

*************************************

I would like to remind everyone that is is possible to block posts and messages from troublesome users.

Dealing with Troublesome Users

Can I block posts, emails and messages from specific users?

If there are particular members that bother you and you do not want to see their posts or receive Private Messages and Emails from them, then you can add these members to your 'Ignore List'.

Through your User Control Panel: User CP, Settings & Options, Edit Ignore List. Then, click on their name and choose: User List, Add to Ignore List

http://forums.psychcentral.com/faq.p...l&titlesonly=0

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Sannah

So, just a suggestion, if you find yourself triggered here by what someone says please try to not go on the attack. We all have the rights to our opinions and we can discuss it with claws retracted. (And I'm not talking about everyone who has disagreed with me, just those who did it in attack mode because I don't mind at all people disagreeing with me).

This is great in theory, but I think in practice the definition of attack varies widely from person to person. And some people, here as in RL, have a clear need at least some of the time to be victims in all situations where people fail to respond to them as they would like. I have had people tell me that I am triggered and that I have attacked them when I thought I was just expressing disagreement. I have also told people I felt attacked and they denied it. I have also seen people claim that they were attacked, when it seemed to me that they were the ones doing the attacking. The clearest attacks are the one that lead to nasty PM's, or its real life equivalent. Other than PM's, though, I think it's just individual difference about what's an attack, what's speaking up and disagreeing with respect for the other person, even who's being attacked. Like most things, there are people who think that they know the truth about these things and those who understand that being attacked and attacking are in the eyes of the beholder.

I'm not trying to invalidate your experience of feeling attacked, here or elsewhere. I'm just saying that people's sensitivities and interpretations to what is an attack versus a disagreement isn't straightforward at all; it's colored by individual experience and belief.

I would think, though, that that goal would be to be comfortable with being attacked here, because I don't think that your thread is going to solve what is a very ingrained problem. So my question would be, why not work towards getting to the point that when people attack you, you can shuck it off like water off a duck's back? After all, unless someone is stalking or threatening you here, this is a very "safe" kind of attack. I don't think it ever feels good to feel attacked, unless you're in need of working something out and need to practice responding -- I dated someone once who liked to engage in verbal sparring with "safe" partners-- but I don't think it has to feel bad. It can be neutral, or just an experience that happened.

[adel34]

Then there's the flip side of this, feeling like you can't post about what's going on in your life for fear that you'll be criticized, or as they say, "challenged" by people who are so sure they know what's best for your situation. Sometimes just easier to PM people who you know you can feel supported by.
As for coming here as a t, I thought this was a peer only forum. I can't quite remember but I thought there was something somewhere in the guidelines about this. Well anyway you'd get along well with that last t I left, you're a lot alike.

Sannah, my phone auto corrected. I meant you seperate yourself from needing therapy. You are no more able to help then any of us here. I find your 'helping' to be odd at times. Some of the stuff you say feels odd. Others may hold that view on my replys too. But we all here to share/support. None if us are solely 'helpers'. You are not a therapist. This forum is 'for those IN pyschotherapy'. I think you need this forum more then you are aware.
I don't want to see you leave but I don't like emotional blackmail.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by adel34

Well anyway you'd get along well with that last t I left, you're a lot alike.

This seems pretty mean to me. Did you actually intend it to be?

I can certainly relate to what you are saying. It doesn't happen often, but every now and then someone decides I am the devil incarnate and sends me a nasty PM or berates me on a thread. I have to keep in mind that their reaction is so much more about their own issues and triggers than it really is about anything I have said.

I'm not particularly a controversial poster, but I am not afraid of challenging someone to challenge their own thinking and THAT freaks some people out. I even had one poster tell me I was dangerous and should not be posting at all. Oh well. (That person, by the way, seems to see me differently now than she did initially. Sometimes newer posters need some time to get to know all the individual posting personalities here on PC.)

Sannah, you have a great wealth of knowledge and are a steady presence here at PC. Try to let those instances where someone seems to be getting their jollies out of being nasty roll off your back by keeping in mind they aren't by any means the majority here.