A T's Life Experience

No, you misunderstood me. I am not saying you have no reason to whine. I am saying that your base line or norm was different then mine. It doesn't make your suffering any better or worse, just different.

I knew what you meant. I know you are not saying I have no reason to whine. I am saying I know I do not. I don't even think I could call what I have as suffering. That sounds too over the top for me. Sometimes, when particularly self indulgent, I consider it to be discomfort I would rather not have.

Well SD , I think the definition of the word suffering is relative too.

hm...
a T (not my current one) once heard a thumbnail sketch of my history and said, SAWE you have had a very difficult life. It wouldn't be surprising if you were asking, 'why me?'

I told him, "it's not so much 'why me?', as 'who me??' "

For one thing I never thought of it as a difficult life; just MY life. Not great, but it was mine, wasn't everyone's kinda the same?

and also, I absolutely would not permit myself to have had a difficult life. That would imply that I was weak & had been taken advantage of; it would imply loss, maybe tremendous loss, and I had no idea how to handle that.

SD I wonder if you and I are just a little bit alike, now and then.

PS we are now 3 yrs down the road in therapy from that conversation with that T, and the realization is sinking in. This IS my life. Not everyone's was like that, not at ALL. And yes I was taken advantage of; and yes I did suffer tremendous loss; and the mountain of grief that I see on the horizon, which it seems I may have to scale, is terrifying.

Very true!!! The grass is not always as green as it appears on the other side of the fence!

I think people often equate $$$ with happiness or not having it 'so bad'. Money does not equal happiness just like owning something doesn't equate happiness like a collectible figurine on a shelf that you have to dust every week.

In my opinion life is about relationships and all people are effected by them regardless of what 'looks picture perfect'. Relationships can be hurtful and healing and anyone can experience this.

There is always someone who has it 'worse than us'. I learned of many stories of fellow outpatients. Some of them lived through horrific things in their childhood while others had a 'normal childhood'. Normal by societies standards in the sense that they weren't physically abused and had financially successful parents however they may not have had much of a relationship with their parents (parents were emotionally distant or narcissistic and not 'connected').

Everyone's story is different and just because someone doesn't have a single trauma event that doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't be allowed to say we have emotional pain.

For example: A homeless person may feel sad about something but then say I should feel lucky because I don't live in a third world country and have access to a soup kitchen and a homeless shelter. A homeless person could say to them self: I have no reason to complain because I'm not spending my nights on a patch of dirt without any food or shelter.

Likewise a financially well off person could say I have no reason to be upset for losing my life savings in the stock market because I have my own home that's payed for and I am not like the homeless person who has to go to the soup kitchen or sleep in a shelter.

There is always someone 'worse off'. I think we need to be more compassionate and less judgmental of ourselves. Honor and acknowledge feelings, work through it and have a plan for moving forward.

:Hugs:

Sorry to dig up an old thread but I found this interesting as I simply don't know about my T's life experiences other than knowing that he does have wounds (his term for having suffered in the past).

I was surprised that some people mentioned their Ts having done personal therapy - as if this wasn't just a given. I'm in the UK and therapists belonging to the various accrediting bodies have to have done a certain amount of personal therapy and must be in regular supervision. So you can assume any accredited therapist has been in therapy. I think it's a mandatory part of their training.

I can't remember if my T is currently still in personal therapy, or if it's required, but I suspect he is.

As to others being worse off, I'm going to quote my T on this: "If someone cuts off my leg and your toe, your toe still hurts. Nobody can know which hurts more."

It is not a given in the United States.

I didn't know that. Wow. I like knowing my T has done a lot of therapy himself (he once said something about "for the first five years of therapy I thought x..." and I like knowing he is in supervision.

Therapy in the US has a Wild West, cowboy ethic.