[carsan60612]

I've been seeing my T for about two and a half years. I first started seeing her after my former T moved away, and she thought we'd get along well. We have gotten along well and she's comfortable to talk to, and while I don't feel the same "click" I had with my former T, I never really thought about trying out another therapist.

Recently, though, I've been stuck and haven't been getting much out of therapy. Today I found out that my favorite therapist from the program I was in will be leaving and opening her own practice. We had that "click" and she's a great therapist. Now I'm wondering...should I switch therapists? I don't really have a problem with my current one, but I think my treatment/recovery could be better if I switched.

So since I don't necessarily have a problem with her, and I like her as a person, I feel bad about even thinking about firing her. I don't want to hurt her feelings and wouldn't even know how to bring it up. I've fired one T before but I didn't like her so it was easy.

Any advice??

[sunrise]

"Firing" is such a harsh term. To me, "firing" suggests the employee did something wrong or was seriously unsatisfactory. Maybe if you just look at the change as "moving on", it would make the transition easier.

Do you think you will talk to your therapist about making a switch before you make the final decision? Sometimes when we let our Ts know that we are stuck and not getting much out of therapy, they can help with that. I think especially if you have a 2 and a half year history together, it would honor the relationship to share your thinking with her.

[Permanent Pajamas]

Definitely find a different therapist if you don't click. I was paired with a woman who was exactly like my abusive mother. I walked out of the session after 15 minutes.

It's got to work or you don't benefit.

I'm thinking of switching myself. My therapist fidgets - polishes his shoes off, chews on his finger, dips his teabag. He's screaming, "I'm bored." I understand that. He hears the same crap year after year.

I'm required to see him or I don't get access to my psychiatrist for meds. It's a racket. If it were up to me I'd skip the therapist. I no longer need that kind of input. I need the meds.

[carsan60612]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Do you think you will talk to your therapist about making a switch before you make the final decision? Sometimes when we let our Ts know that we are stuck and not getting much out of therapy, they can help with that. I think especially if you have a 2 and a half year history together, it would honor the relationship to share your thinking with her.

Yeah, I wouldn't just leave without talking about it first. I'd probably bring it up with my psych and/or my therapy group first. I just feel bad wanting to switch because I do like her, but I like the other one better. Even while I was in the program, I'd bring up issues more easily with the program T than my own T.

Part of me just wants to stay with my T so I don't have to play favorites and no one will get hurt.

[stopdog]

Clients change therapists all the time. You do not need to take care of the therapist - that is their responsibility. The client is allowed and even encouraged to choose the person they think will help them the most. I doubt the therapist will have hurt feelings, but if she does, it is her job to deal with it, not the client's.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by carsan60612

Part of me just wants to stay with my T so I don't have to play favorites and no one will get hurt.

This would not be a good reason to stay. You don't need to worry about her getting hurt. This happens all the time with therapists (that people switch). I am glad you will talk with her about it.

It sounds like you have a great new option, so I say go for it! They are professionals and understand the feeling of being stuck. Just explain your feelings to your current T.
I have been seeing my T for about the same length of time as you have been seeing yours, and I told him I felt stuck, and we have talked about it...he was so understanding.
My feeling stuck, I think it's partly his style of therapy...I was referred to him by my T before him who could no longer see me and terminated unexpectedly with me, which was very painful, because we did have that click you refer to. But I remember right away from day 1 that I knew after this T helped me get over being terminated, he would not be the therapist for me, no matter how kind he is...and I was right. I just need to act on it and get a new T.
But you have a wonderful choice opening up to you. Your current T should understand and want what's best for you. Good luck making your decision, but make the right one for you!

[WePow]

It is about your healing. If you feel the other T would help you more, perhaps you could try both for a few weeks to see which was best. Make sure you still click. And be honest and open with both. Both will want only what is best for you.

[carsan60612]

Thanks for all of the advice and support! I see her tomorrow so I guess we'll see what happens.

[pbutton]

How did it go?

[carsan60612]

Originally Posted by pbutton

How did it go?

I told her that I feel like I just keep talking about the same things over and over, that I feel like I'm wasting time (both of ours). She told me that hopefully I'll get tired of talking and make a change. In my head I was thinking, "Just tell her that maybe the change should be her" but I didn't say it. Baby steps, I guess, but at least she knows that I'm feeling stuck in therapy.

Um, I agree with you...change her. She just made me feel more stuck and I already felt stuck in MY T situation anyway.
Go with your gut and take care of you...AND you should always talk!! You will do what you need to do when you are ready...and I am guessing that will happen when you feel like you have the proper support.