I miss my T!

Thanks! I HAVE been emailing her, maybe twice about the baby and to cancel today but I didn't ask her to answer me. I think I'm going to.
This is getting to be too much for me to handle.

Rainbow, I think asking her if she's ok is not enough. If you're going to email her, I'd encourage you to be as honest and clear as possible.....so you know for sure that T will know exactly what's going on for you.

I wish I believed you but she has a family. Maybe something IS wrong. Probably not, but it could be. I want to be strong but I also want reassurance that she's okay.

Thank you for replying to me, MKAC. I appreciate that you did.

Although it may be possible, it is not probable in this situation from what you know. Since you are making an assumption either way, why torment yourself with the assumption of the worst rather than the best. You cannot do anything about it either way.

I didn't read this before I posted. I agree with you. If anything happened to her, someone would have notified me. But do you understand about the scared parts of me? They are worried. I also know my T and acknowledging the baby is something she WOULD do. But I'm going to act differently from before. I'm wishy-washy about it but I can wait. I'll cry about it but I'll wait. Thank you. It's only another week. One day at a time, huh?

This is my negative thinking. When my family goes on vacation, I'm sure the car or plane will crash. I want to think the other way, but it's hard. I can't do anything about it. You're right. I think I'll take 1/2 valium tonight to help with my thoughts.

I admit the fearful thing is not something I particularly understand. However, I do tend to be obsessive about some things. I do believe it's best if you don't think about the entire week at once. Split it into doable parts. You don't have to last the whole week without emailing; you only have to last the next say, hour. You can wait an hour, right? In an hour, it's bedtime and you don't have to worry about it until tomorrow. And then do it again tomorrow. I also exercise or do something to the point where I am exhausted. I am MUCH less obsessive when I can exercise or find a way to get out of my head.

Thanks again, MKAC. Bedtime is NOW. Yes, I can do this, like you said, one hour at a time. I have been busy all day helping my daughter by doing laundry, shopping, and cooking. Then playing with the kids after school. It's all distracting for me, and rewarding. My d still doesn't feel well because of her C-section so she takes care of the baby and I do everything else. I'm not in my head except when I get online or before bed. Eventually I'll have to do without my T anyway. She could die, move away, or decide not to see me. I have to accept these realities of life.

Hi R Rainbow,
Haven't been on for a few days, and so missed this thread. Glad I found it now!
I agree with Mu. That long breaks are hard, and it's probably best to try and be totally honest with her if you do e-mail. Even if you e-mail, I don't see that as failure. You've come further with holding back from the impulse to e-mail than I think I've ever seen you, and you're much more aware of your feelings moment to moment and are doing things to try and cope. I think DBT leader will be proud whatever happens. And t, too. Thinking of you. Hugs.

Thanks, Adel. Well, I HAVE emailed her but my point is that I haven't complained to her or even brought up that I'm upset that she didn't email me back. That's what I've been holding back, and yes, it's very hard because I'm always so honest with her. Yes, I'm aware of my feelings. I just wish I had asked my T if she was going to email me while I was away. If I knew for sure that she wasn't going to, I'd feel a lot better.

Don't you think that by now you can know for sure that she is not going to email you back?
Certainly at the next appointment you can tell her how you felt about it. I think if she emailed you back at this point, she would be really messing with your mind.

Yes, of course I know she's not going to email me back unless I ask her to. I haven't emailed her since last week; I forgot which day. I'm not expecting her to anymore except maybe on Monday to confirm that I have an appointment on Tuesday. It shoud be an interesting session next week.

It's Thursday and I'm okay, not going to email my T. I'm becoming stubborn about it now, and a little angry with her, too. I read over the 2 emails I sent her T since I've been away. They sound positive so she probably thought I was fine. I'm getting a little anxious about the drive home on Sunday. It's morning now so it's my jittery time from the zoloft. It lasts until about 2 p.m. but it's tolerable. I don't like the twitch above my lip, though. That's new! I see the pdoc on Monday so I hope he raises it to 50 mg. so I can see if I tolerate it, or have to stop. Did I say I hate meds?

Have you felt this way before - stubborn and angry?

((((rain)))) i thought she would have replied by now about the baby news, i'm sorry this has been such a long time between sessions and with such a lot going on for you

you know rain .i think you are obsessing over this and you are so upset that she hasnt e-mailed you back that i think e-mail is still a serious problem with you. and maybe it isnt good that she would e-mail you back even if you are being positive. you are even using that she e-mailed you happy b-day as a way to justify why you are upset she didn't e-mail you this time . it makes me wonder if her doing that is ok. i know you don't agree with me and i have hesitated to comment .i just so with you could get past this e -mail obsession and live your life. you got to spend time with a family who loves you and your new grandbaby and you spent way to much time on weather your T SHOULD have e-mailed you back . seems just trying to come up with new ways to get your T to e- mail. as long as you hold omn to this i doesn't seem you will be moving foward at all.the minute you feel she should be e-mailing you back it brings it to a whole new unhealthy level. see how unhappy you are . if T had nipped it in the bud maybe at this point it would have not been an issue. but just my thoughts

Rainbow, you know I will be straight with you and will try to find the kindest way to do so.

Granite is right. I'm amazed that your T still allows you to email her. Have you told her you get this way when she doesn't answer? I never, ever thought I would feel this way, but I am actually relieved that T told me not to communicate via email anymore. I don't have to worry and obsess about it anymore!!!

Choose not to be bothered by it. Refuse to stop making excuses to send more emails. You are stronger than this, Rainbow. You have made so much progress lately...it's okay to have a slip now and then. The important thing now is to get back up. You can do this. I believe in you.

great wording of what i was trying to say

Granite, you said it every bit as well as I did. I just know where Rainbow is coming from.

I mean that I am stubborn about NOT emailing her now, until Monday, to confirm Tuesday's appointment. I'm angry because she KNOWS that emailing me "congratulations" would not hurt me, but NOT emailing it does hurt me. That's why I'm angry. I will wait until I see her again and discuss it with her.

Thanks for understanding, tigergirl. Yes, three weeks is a very long time for me without hearing from my T.

It's okay that you're honest with me, granite. I get upset when I try to explain my situation, though. I think I AM doing well and then you and Chopin tell me I'm not. That confuses me. I agree that my T confuses me too. I expected her to email me. It's not an obsession. I'm not looking for ways to get her to email me. My d. having a baby, a C-section and a preemie, is something I was worried about. My T knew that. She could have sent a one sentence congratulations email to me. I do not expect her emails at other times, and I agreed that to mention her not emailing now would be manipulating her. So, I chose NOT to do it, and not to email her again. I only emailed her twice, briefly, since we are here. Once to say the baby was born, and once to cancel the second week's session. I think I AM being strong, so it makes me feel bad to read that you think I'm not.

My T left it up to me about emailing her or not. I've been doing it for about the last month and it hasn't hurt me at all. My sessions have been productive, and have been about ME, not her at all. I never get upset at home when she doesn't answer me. I don't expect her to answer. This was different! Her answer wouldn't be about therapy. Chopin, are you allowed to call your T? I'm not, unless it's an emergency so I don't. I email her my feelings so they are out of me. It makes me feel better. I don't obsess about sending her emails. It's better for me that I do. I don't ask her to answer me, ever. I expected her to acknowledge the baby's birth, and it hurt me that she didn't. I HAVE been strong. I haven't manipulated her. I drew my emotions and that's all I did, except for posting here. It hurts me inside but I'm going on with my life.

You said "choose not to be bothered by it". My feelings are what they are. I feel sad, hurt and disappointed, maybe even rejected, but I am not acting on those feelings. That's where I am using "opposite action" from DBT skills. I chose not to react, not to beg my T for a response. In the past, I definitely would have done that. Definitely. So, I'm acting differently even if I'm not yet FEELING differently. I think that's progress for me.

I don´t know the whole story, but are you sure about that? ( After reading this thread)

Rain, don't concentrate on if your T acknowledged the birth of your premie grandchild.... Its your grandchild and she's her and healthy... T is a passing ship in the night.... the grand will be with you forever... let it go.

Yes! I'm sure about that. She used to answer me, for a year or more, but that didn't work out for me so she told me she wasn't going to email me anymore, except for scheduling, since she doesn't do much by phone, only via email.

When she emailed me last year on my birthday, I was very surprised. I didn't ask for that. I know the rule. I didn't ask her to answer me this time, but I thought she would. I need to discuss "exceptions" with her beforehand, so I know what to expect. This time I thought would be an exception. Births are something special.