I took most of your advice about seeing another T and I am glad I did as I got sooo much out of it.
After seeing this t I understand why you were concerned about the ethics of my last t. This t was so insightful but I don't know what to do with the information she gave me. I feel stuck. She figured out the reason I am hurting so bad from my break up with my ex is because I have never had any secure adult in my life, never had anyone to love me and when she left it hurt me so much but this is not going to change. I still don't have anyone to love me or any secure relationship in my life. T said she is surprised I have survived this long.
I am wondering why I want to go to therapy and hear all this hard stuff about myself as it doesn't help

[Asiablue]

Sounds good. What are you going to do, go with this one or stay with current T?

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Sounds good. What are you going to do, go with this one or stay with current T?

Well I like both t's but I think I will learn more from new t. She really listened and understood me.

button, for me anyway, therapy really is about hearing and dealing with the hard stuff. I hope you give this new therapist a try.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

button, for me anyway, therapy really is about hearing and dealing with the hard stuff. I hope you give this new therapist a try.

Thanks MKAC,
I really liked her and can't imagine transference being a problem with her(I hope).
I am just not sure what to do with all of this information she gave me, sometimes I would rather be ignorant to all of this and carry on as normal but I am a journey and there is no turning back.
T really listened and told me there is no problem with being gay and to try to celebrate it.

[BLUEDOVE]

The way out is THROUGH,not around.
The T.sounds really good,please don't sabotage
yourself--good therapists are worth sticking with.

Originally Posted by BLUEDOVE

The way out is THROUGH,not around.
The T.sounds really good,please don't sabotage
yourself--good therapists are worth sticking with.

I don't want to sabotage this relationship as she is excellent and she challenges my thoughts and makes me see the reality as my vision has been clouded for so long!

[Asiablue]

She sounds so much better for you Button. I have a good feeling bout this one!

[anilam]

Dont want to be a party pooper but from my experience not much can be told about a T after just one session- how much can she know you really?
Also, and again this is just me, Id hate any T telling me its a wonder Ive survived this long- how is this supposed to be helpful?
However, if you really clicked with this T then shes a keeper.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by button30

sometimes I would rather be ignorant to all of this and carry on as normal but I am a journey and there is no turning back. T really listened and told me there is no problem with being gay and to try to celebrate it.

I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that you had the courage to try another T and that she sounds so much more knowledgable and insightful. I know it's early, but it really does seem as though she would be much better able to help you.

You say that sometimes you'd rather be ignorant and carry on as normal... but is your nomal currently working for you? It doesn't sound as though being depressed, having sui thoughts, missing your ex, and being miserable is a good enough "normal." What are you really giving up if you choose to deal with the "hard stuff?" It seems as though there is little to lose and much to gain. After all, if you work THROUGH your problems... as bluedove suggests... then perhaps you can achieve a new normal that is happy! As has been talked about in your previous posts, if you work on self-acceptance-- which this T seems to be able to help you with-- then that can be the basis for becoming happier and having a better normal. Once you accept and love yourself, then you will be putting that energy out into the world and you can attract others who will love and accept you a well; then you can have companionship. You say that you want to find love (boh platonic and romantic) and, at least in my own experiece, the best way to do that is to love yourself first! This new T sounds very promising and I hope that you'll accept the challenge of working with her and doing the work necessary to work through your probelms, rather than try to avoid them. In my own life, it was when I had the courage to tackle things head on that things really improved for me. I was scared at first to let go of my "normal" too-- but in retrospect I realize that I was only letting go of misey, hurt, and being taken advantage of. As soon as I let that go, I was so much better off. Now I am happy and in love with someone wonderful, who loves me just for who I am. Had I not done the "hard work" in therapy, I don't think I would have that right now. I realize everyone is different, but that's what helped me.

Your new T sounds very promising and I hope that, if you choose to stay with her, that thing will really improve for you. Of course, it does take time-- but if you stick with it, the results could be great!

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by button30

Well I like both t's but I think I will learn more from new t.

I am glad that you have options. This reason would be probably my number 1 factor in figuring out who to see.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

button, for me anyway, therapy really is about hearing and dealing with the hard stuff.

Yes. But also being helped through it.

Yes, CE, my T definitely helps me through it, and offers me support as I deal with the hard stuff. But what he doesn't do is help or encourage me to avoid the hard stuff.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

She sounds so much better for you Button. I have a good feeling bout this one!

Me too Asiablue

Originally Posted by anilam

Dont want to be a party pooper but from my experience not much can be told about a T after just one session- how much can she know you really?
Also, and again this is just me, Id hate any T telling me its a wonder Ive survived this long- how is this supposed to be helpful?
However, if you really clicked with this T then shes a keeper.

Hi Anilam,
I agree about the first session- it can be misleading. Ts want your business so they are going to try hook you in on the first session but this t is not entirely new. I had been in touch with her last year and met with her for three sessions and unfortunately between her holidays and my situation things did not pan out and I found another one.
You know, it wasn't helpful her comments about how Ihave survived for so long but it validated my my experiences which other ts didn't really get how hard it has been for me to just stay alive everyday, other ts dismissed everything I have said.
Thank you for your helpful comments

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that you had the courage to try another T and that she sounds so much more knowledgable and insightful. I know it's early, but it really does seem as though she would be much better able to help you.

You say that sometimes you'd rather be ignorant and carry on as normal... but is your nomal currently working for you? It doesn't sound as though being depressed, having sui thoughts, missing your ex, and being miserable is a good enough "normal." What are you really giving up if you choose to deal with the "hard stuff?" It seems as though there is little to lose and much to gain. After all, if you work THROUGH your problems... as bluedove suggests... then perhaps you can achieve a new normal that is happy! As has been talked about in your previous posts, if you work on self-acceptance-- which this T seems to be able to help you with-- then that can be the basis for becoming happier and having a better normal. Once you accept and love yourself, then you will be putting that energy out into the world and you can attract others who will love and accept you a well; then you can have companionship. You say that you want to find love (boh platonic and romantic) and, at least in my own experiece, the best way to do that is to love yourself first! This new T sounds very promising and I hope that you'll accept the challenge of working with her and doing the work necessary to work through your probelms, rather than try to avoid them. In my own life, it was when I had the courage to tackle things head on that things really improved for me. I was scared at first to let go of my "normal" too-- but in retrospect I realize that I was only letting go of misey, hurt, and being taken advantage of. As soon as I let that go, I was so much better off. Now I am happy and in love with someone wonderful, who loves me just for who I am. Had I not done the "hard work" in therapy, I don't think I would have that right now. I realize everyone is different, but that's what helped me.

Your new T sounds very promising and I hope that, if you choose to stay with her, that thing will really improve for you. Of course, it does take time-- but if you stick with it, the results could be great!

Hi Scorposis,
I am so happy that you have found someone special in your life. God knows its been coming for a long time now. I am starting to believe in the theory that you attract others through how you are feeling, say you werre struggling with you mental health, then we will attract others who are unhealthy. I am seeing this pattern over and over and I think its about time I stood up and took notice of this pattern and took the steps to prevent it from happening again. Like getting myself to a healthy state and accepting myself.

I do like the way this t is fantastic at being empathetic but also challenging me- especially on my beliefs of the gay and lesbian community. This t is not gay but she has a lot of gay friends and clients. When I say something like "all lesbians are violent and cheat" she says "button, can I stop you there? This is not true but what is true is the lesbians you have met have been violent and cheated, they are unhealthy but it doesn't mean all lesbians are."

She thinks that I attract unhealthy women because I have never experienced a healthy relationship with another person and I let them abuse me and treat me badly. T thinks that I don't know how to recognise when I am safe and unsafe.
She encouraged me to try and accept who I am fully-this was my homework, to try and get to know myself more and try to be kind and buy myself something nice

I feel really comfortable with her and probably open up to her more than any of the others because she is so accepting and also because she doesn't think she is better than me. She curses all the time and I love that she feels comfortable enough to do that with me.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I am glad that you have options. This reason would be probably my number 1 factor in figuring out who to see.

I do have options- for the first time in my life I am taking back my life and deciding which way to go.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Yes. But also being helped through it.

[SallyBrown]

I am SO glad for you Button! Good for you. It takes courage to allow ourselves to believe that something different might be better.

Facing hard truths about oneself can be difficult, but ultimately, it will allow you to grow. When you understand your bad patterns, you can start to break them. Like with trying a new T instead of settling for one that wasn't quite working for you .

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Yes, CE, my T definitely helps me through it, and offers me support as I deal with the hard stuff. But what he doesn't do is help or encourage me to avoid the hard stuff.

Fair enough.

Originally Posted by SallyBrown

I am SO glad for you Button! Good for you. It takes courage to allow ourselves to believe that something different might be better.

Facing hard truths about oneself can be difficult, but ultimately, it will allow you to grow. When you understand your bad patterns, you can start to break them. Like with trying a new T instead of settling for one that wasn't quite working for you .

I hope this t can be both kind and help me get better and chose a healthier lifestyle! Thanks Sally

[TheRealFDeal]

Wow - it sounds like you really got a lot out of one session. Me, personally, I think it only takes one session to tell if you click with a T. And you're really so fortunate that you didn't have to go through a bunch to find one that sounds like could really work for you! Congrats!

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by button30

I took most of your advice about seeing another T and I am glad I did as I got sooo much out of it.
After seeing this t I understand why you were concerned about the ethics of my last t. This t was so insightful but I don't know what to do with the information she gave me. I feel stuck. She figured out the reason I am hurting so bad from my break up with my ex is because I have never had any secure adult in my life, never had anyone to love me and when she left it hurt me so much but this is not going to change. I still don't have anyone to love me or any secure relationship in my life. T said she is surprised I have survived this long.
I am wondering why I want to go to therapy and hear all this hard stuff about myself as it doesn't help

((((Button))))),
Wow, Button, this news is good to hear! It sounds like she accepts you for who you are. I know it must be difficult to hear these things, but I think that knowing the root cause of your pain is ultimately going to be the way through all of this. I think that this T can help provide a secure relationship in your life. The goal, imo, is for T to provide this (as much as possible) so that you can build an internal stability so can have relationships with others while still having a sense of self. I am so excited for you, Button. I think that when she said she was surprised that you have survived this long, that she was validating how much pain that you have experienced while concurrently showing you how strong you are.

She encouraged me to try and accept who I am fully-this was my homework, to try and get to know myself more and try to be kind and buy myself something nice

I love this about her, Button. I agree with her totally on this! I guess how I feel is obvious, and I think it was courageous of you to seek out a T on your own. What did you end up buying yourself, or have you not completed your homework yet

Sending Hugs your wayKeep us posted!

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

Wow - it sounds like you really got a lot out of one session. Me, personally, I think it only takes one session to tell if you click with a T. And you're really so fortunate that you didn't have to go through a bunch to find one that sounds like could really work for you! Congrats!

Thank therealfdeal, I myself think it takes only one session too because I click with people immediately or not at all, this one is a keeper.

Originally Posted by Antimatter

((((Button))))),
Wow, Button, this news is good to hear! It sounds like she accepts you for who you are. I know it must be difficult to hear these things, but I think that knowing the root cause of your pain is ultimately going to be the way through all of this. I think that this T can help provide a secure relationship in your life. The goal, imo, is for T to provide this (as much as possible) so that you can build an internal stability so can have relationships with others while still having a sense of self. I am so excited for you, Button. I think that when she said she was surprised that you have survived this long, that she was validating how much pain that you have experienced while concurrently showing you how strong you are.


I love this about her, Button. I agree with her totally on this! I guess how I feel is obvious, and I think it was courageous of you to seek out a T on your own. What did you end up buying yourself, or have you not completed your homework yet

Sending Hugs your wayKeep us posted!

Thanks for the support anti
For once i did my homework straight away and went and bought myself some new perfume and a new top Retail therapy is exactly what I needed, t is a wise woman.
Yes, she was wanting to show me that I can survive and that there is something in me that wants to survive- we don't know what it is but that it is alive and in there. And T wants to show me that I have hope and although it doesn't feel like it at times but I want to be here.
She was so kind and said I can email and text when I need but I am not going to do that as I am not wanting to attach to her.
Sometimes i wish my ts would have strong boundaries like your current t has antimatter so I couldn't email or text or have any contact between sessions, I think it would be easier for me but I know how much pain it causes you

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by button30

Thank therealfdeal, I myself think it takes only one session too because I click with people immediately or not at all, this one is a keeper.

I think this belief is a distorted perception about social relationships and/or about yourself. What you identify as a "click" may or may not turn out to be something important that has to do with lasting relationships. I am not saying that "clicking" is unimportant, but you might want to consider the possibility that you can also build connections with people who you don't "click" with on the first meeting. It has been my experience that when trying to heal my dysfunctionality in social relationships, that it helps to be more open minded about the wide possibilities of connecting with people. I just think you could benefit from being more skeptical about big pronouncements about yourself and others that, in effect, cuts off social possibilities.

This is wonderful news. Does this T have more knowledge about the GLBT community? I hope she can help you.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I think this belief is a distorted perception about social relationships and/or about yourself. What you identify as a "click" may or may not turn out to be something important that has to do with lasting relationships. I am not saying that "clicking" is unimportant, but you might want to consider the possibility that you can also build connections with people who you don't "click" with on the first meeting. It has been my experience that when trying to heal my dysfunctionality in social relationships, that it helps to be more open minded about the wide possibilities of connecting with people. I just think you could benefit from being more skeptical about big pronouncements about yourself and others that, in effect, cuts off social possibilities.

I can see your point Anne and it is a distorted perception. I am currently working on this but I do find that I click easier with some than others but just because I don't click with some people I am willing to try to click with them.
I have took a lot of risks lately, more so than I would have previously taken in regards to reaching out to people and it is paying off.
I used to isolate myself for everyone for fear of getting hurt.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

This is wonderful news. Does this T have more knowledge about the GLBT community? I hope she can help you.

Yes she does know a lot more about them and suggests that I attend meetings and outings with them but right now that might be a bit too much but in the future I will go to some of them.
She is far more accepting and even told me that I am homophobic which was quite a shock. She sent me a video to show me that I was and now I am going to try and not be so homophobic and try to embrace our individuality

[adel34]

Hi Button30,
I'm glad you had such a positive first session, even though you didn't know what to do with the information she gave you.
How are you feeling about the whole thing now?
I think whatever you decide to do, it sounds like she'll be there for you if you choose to take a break and come back later.
Since she did say you could e-mail, maybe sending her a quick mesage saying you were having a hard time after the session, and questioning whether to come back could be helpful. Maybe she could say something supportive. Or, I don't know if you guys scheduled another appointment, but maybe just go to that to discuss this with her. How you felt after the session, and your mixed feelings about therapy right now.
Or like I said in your other thread you could just totally take a break and maybe come back later. Thinkingg of you.