I am almost afraid to ask because I can almost hear the "What?! Get a new T right now!" thoughts...it's more of a curiousity than anything else. I have my session close to 3 pm and my T is almost always eating lunch during our session. I think he starts in the one before mine but then when listening he forgets about the food and so it moves into my session, where he sometimes eats more, sometimes less, but its no snack, it's a meal.
I am sure I could ask him not to, say it's distracting. I have some issues with food and sometimes the smells get to me...I know, I should just speak to him.
For months it was the same thing, mexican from the same place. Then always chinese. Then healthy stuff from home which is really scary looking sometimes...eek.
But I really was wondering if anyone else ever dealt with this?
And please don't bash him too hard...he is the kindest person I have ever met, although I don't think he manages his time well. Thanks.

My T only ate lunch once in our session. She came into the room and asked me first if I minded. I told her I didn't mind as long as she could listen while eating. I have food issues to, and I do know that particular session it felt harder than the normal to look into her direction. She only did it that one time though.

Jersey01,

Thanks for your response. Yes, he never has asked me how I felt about it except one day when he knew my food issues were really not good.

Funny you should bring this up. My T ate lunch during my session just last week. My appt is at 1:00 pm, and some days he teaches a class from 9 am to noon, then drives from the school to his office. When he doesn't teach, there's usually a client before me. So I don't think he schedules a lunch break. I asked him about it once, and he said he usually doesn't eat lunch because it makes him sleepy in the afternoons.

But it wasn't a big deal to me. It was something out of a brown bag, probably a sandwich, and he just munched on & off during the session. (I don't know what it was because I was avoiding eye contact most of the time - that's just where I'm at right now). It wasn't really distracting to me, and it certainly wasn't taking a lot of his attention. So - no big deal.

I think this is something that's individual. If it bothers someone and they feel it's interfering with their session, then they should speak up. Actually, that goes for anything a T might do that makes someone feel disrespected.

My two cents.

[murray]

My T eats pretty frequently in our sessions. Doesn't really bother me most of the time and it's not as if I'm actually looking in his direction anyway lol. He is very health conscious and half the time I have no idea what he is eating. Once or twice he has offered to share with me which felt odd but very comforting- like he didn't think that I would contaminate the food by my presence in the room...sort of makes me feel more acceptable as a human being in a way that he is able to eat while sharing a space with me...kind of a weird take on it probably, sorry.

TheBunnyWithin,

That situation sounds ok and makes total sense. A sandwich I can handle. Mine is shoveling in chinese food or mexican or weird healthy concoctions from home, and I am not sure what they are. So there are smells involved, too...

My therapist also sits really close to me, with the way his office is set up, if I stuck my leg out, I would kick his knee, so there is that, too.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T has eaten lunch several times during session...and invited me to bring my own if I want. This is usually if I have to reschedule, and the only free time she has is right at noon. My T works with a lot of ED clients, so she always lets me know ahead of time that she will be eating lunch during our session, so if it's a problem, we can try for a better time. I have some food issues, but other people eating is not one of them. It's not usually a problem for me, but if it were, I'd just let T know.

Sooo - really, if it's bothering you or distracting, then you should probably talk to your T about it. It doesn't have to be a big deal just say "T, when you eat during our session, I find it distracting."

Originally Posted by murray

My T eats pretty frequently in our sessions. Doesn't really bother me most of the time and it's not as if I'm actually looking in his direction anyway lol. He is very health conscious and half the time I have no idea what he is eating. Once or twice he has offered to share with me which felt odd but very comforting- like he didn't think that I would contaminate the food by my presence in the room...sort of makes me feel more acceptable as a human being in a way that he is able to eat while sharing a space with me...kind of a weird take on it probably, sorry.

Ok, I am going to try replying differently for the fun of it, plus that is why this option is here, I think.
Anyway, thanks murray...your response sounds like you appreciate the feeling of being cared for, which is not abnormal at all. That's funny you can't ID what your T is eating half the time, either! I am always looking right at my T so that's probably a lot of this, plus the way his office is, he is fairly (although not awkwardly) close to me. Thanks for your response!

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

My T has eaten lunch several times during session...and invited me to bring my own if I want. This is usually if I have to reschedule, and the only free time she has is right at noon. My T works with a lot of ED clients, so she always lets me know ahead of time that she will be eating lunch during our session, so if it's a problem, we can try for a better time. I have some food issues, but other people eating is not one of them. It's not usually a problem for me, but if it were, I'd just let T know.

Sooo - really, if it's bothering you or distracting, then you should probably talk to your T about it. It doesn't have to be a big deal just say "T, when you eat during our session, I find it distracting."

BlessedRhiannon,

Thanks for sharing your experience. Yes, I think it's that I find it distracting... and also wonder while he's trying to get that WHOOOLE string bean in his mouth, is he hearing me talk? it seems hard for me to know.

Thanks for your advice!

[unaluna]

It's supposed to be YOUR time. It's kind of awkward that he's putting this on you. It seems like a lot of acting out. Things are never simple in psychotherapy. At least not for me. But then I am still amazed that I saw my mother eating 3 meals a day at home a few years ago. I had never seen her do that before, she always skipped breakfast and lunch as far as I knew. To see her finally eating in her 70's was completely confusing to me. So for T to be eating would bring that up all the time. Instead of just occasionally as it is now. He needs to be a bit more "blank slate" IMO!

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

TheBunnyWithin,

That situation sounds ok and makes total sense. A sandwich I can handle. Mine is shoveling in chinese food or mexican or weird healthy concoctions from home, and I am not sure what they are. So there are smells involved, too...

My therapist also sits really close to me, with the way his office is set up, if I stuck my leg out, I would kick his knee, so there is that, too.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Well, in that case I think you should bring it up. Being so physically close, and especially food that has a strong aroma, I can see where that could be a distraction. I do think you're completely justified in being uncomfortable. Talk to him. I'm sure you can work out something. Good luck!

Its not a big deal to me if my t eats during our sessions. Sometimes she shares t's are human too and sometimes things come up that they dont have time to eat inbetween appointments. They gotta eat SOMEtime.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

And please don't bash him too hard...he is the kindest person I have ever met, although I don't think he manages his time well. Thanks.

I feel like Bunny described-- you are not unreasonable to have the reaction that you do, and it is perfectly fine to talk to him about it.

However, I don't know that him eating lunch during your session can necessarily be accurate interpreted as "not managing time well". He could be diabetic or hypoglycemic or have another medical issue that makes the timing of food particularly important. Or he might be one of those people who gets wrapped up in what he's doing and forgets to eat. It also occurred to me that perhaps he is actually doing it as part of your therapy. Regardless of what the reason for him eating during your session is, it is really okay for you to bring up what it brings up for you.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

I am sure I could ask him not to, say it's distracting. I have some issues with food and sometimes the smells get to me...I know, I should just speak to him.

I think that would be best.

There was a woman, code name Gloria, in the Good Group, who had a tendency to eat in session. I brought it up. I thought it was disrespectful of the work we were trying to do. It wasn't a big deal, but we were all relieved to have it out in the open.

[Voltin]

I had to read the thread for sure, as the last T I had was constantly eating while in session. At first I was okay with it, but as time went on she would leave the session to go get food, yes she would offer me some but it felt her focus was on her food. The clincher with her for me was the day she couldn't find babysitter and had her 4 year old in the room the whole time, having to take time to attend to the little girl . If the T ask you if it's okay to do these things, being taken aback by it , you end up saying it's okay. Actually later you realize it isn't. I can understand if things got way behind and they need a bite to eat , I'm not sure an entire meal is necessary.

My t has never eaten during a session, at least not when we were in person, if she's a quiet eater I probably wouldn't notice during our phone sessions. I talk more than she does. Ah but one time when she was still in town, I wish she had eaten during our session, because her stomach was growling really loudly and that was more distracting than her eating would have been!

[Dreamy01]

I wouldn't like it at all although I'd probably forgive my t if it were a one off. Point one I don't like seeing anyone eat, the sounds of someone munching and grinding kind of set my teeth on edge (one of my quirks) so I wouldn't be able to relax if t was eating, and point two, it would cut into my time (excuse the pun) and feel distracting and disrespectful. This might be an issue personal to me though as I hated my mum eat in front of me, she never had her attention on me at the time. I don't think my t would like if it I pulled out a bag of food and began to eat during my session so I wouldn't expect her to. That is just me though, I'm probably fussy in more ways than one!

[elliemay]

Okay, this would bother me. The string bean comment is dead on hilarious because I would think the same thing.

Food is such a thing. I mean the guy has to eat right? Could you possibly change appointment times to a time when he is less likely to be eating?

I think that is how I would handle this situation. Not entirely fair to you, no. But, again, the guy gets to eat.

[murray]

I should add that in my case my T often goes over so I never feel that I am losing any appointment time due to his eating. If he was very strict about 50 minutes and went and heated up his lunch and chopped fruit and veggies while I was losing time, that might change my feelings about the situation.

[healed84]

I suppose if it is distracting to you, then you should bring it up. Maybe he finish his lunch before or after your appointment.

I am trying to think about if it would bother me or not. T offers 12pm sessions as emergency appointments which I assuming are his regular lunch time slots.. So, if I went in during those times then I would probably no be too suprised to see him eating. Although, come to think of it, T ran down to the vending machine in the building while I was in his office waiting to start b/c he hadn't eaten in much of anything all day long. However, he finished before he came back in the office, so I think my T would usually rather not do that.

[Nightlight]

That would really bug me if it was all the time like that and more than a snack. Annoying! I don't really think it's appropriate to eat a full meal during a clients session each week. Though I think I'd struggle to say something. I might attempt to say it was a bit distracting. My T has occasionally had something like soup in a cup, which she apologised for. I tend to have 3pm appointments too and sometimes I think T has something to eat in the 10 minutes before my session.

[Permanent Pajamas]

I can't believe what I'm reading in this thread. Eating during a patient's session is incredibly unprofessional.

Your therapist should be focused on you alone. You are paying them $200 or more to listen to you, to give you their full attention. Sessions are about the patient and no one else.

You might want to say something about it.

Unbelievable.

[mixedup_emotions]

I would find it distracting and the fact that the T would eat without consulting with you first to see if it was ok to do that during your session time.

I once asked for an emergency session and T said that the only time he had available was his lunch time - and that as long as I didn't mind that he ate during the session. I certainly didn't mind, as I would much rather he be eating - so he can focus his attention on me rather than sit there being distracted by his hunger. It happened one other time during one my regular session times too, asking me first if it was ok though.

But the fact that we discussed it prior made all the difference in the world.

[Nomad17]

I guess this problem is more common than I thought. My t eats during EVERY session of mine and always asks "is it okay if I eat in here? I didn't have any lunch." to be polite I always reply with "it's fine" to which she says "*dramatic sigh* I knew you wouldn't mind. I've just been so busy. Would you like some?! " Its the same thing every week. But I never take any....I hate eating food from strangers. However I have always thought its odd that she eats during MY appointments, which are at 4:00. Seems a little late. I don't understand why she couldn't have eaten in an earlier appointment if she was SO hungry. I sometimes wonder if she does it to piss me off or because she thinks I'm a pushover...she's also late to EVERY appointment because she's getting the food from the vending machine or heating it up...which REALLY does piss me off. I always have thought it was unprofessional, but I actually never noticed how mad it made me until now because I guess I'm always willing to let my t do whatever she wants because I love her so much...she even takes her shoes off and puts her feet up on the couch during every session...

oh no I AM A PUSHOVER.

Now you've made me question everything!

Nomad

[Permanent Pajamas]

I'm astonished that she takes her shoes off and puts her feet up. Is she young?

This is incredible to me. She's just too comfortable for my taste. Her office isn't her living room. It's a place to be professional. That means shoes and clothes on, no food, focused on you, the patient and the entire reason she is employed at $200+ an hour.

For that amount of money she should be treating you with a whole lot more respect.

In my opinion, that's what this whole thing is about - respecting you, the patient.