[geez]

I had a very stressful dream last night that circled around the topic of sexual abuse.

In the beginning of my dream before the topic of sex abuse entered in the story there was a party at a park and it was for me. In the dream I didn't know why the party was for me but it was a party put together by my MIL. My T was at the party sitting at a picnic table with her 2 daughters. I looked at her and she looked at me but I didn't say anything I just smiled and remember feeling calm that she was there for me. I felt like she was there to support me even if only silently.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by geez

My T was at the party sitting at a picnic table with her 2 daughters. I looked at her and she looked at me but I didn't say anything I just smiled and remember feeling calm that she was there for me. I felt like she was there to support me even if only silently.

So far, so good.

Then what happened?

[geez]

Nothing else happened with my T in my dream just that she was there in my mind and I felt brave with her support.

However the rest of the dream was very frighting. In my dream I was on a people mover and it was beyond crowded. I felt like I was suffocating and started yelling at people to stop getting on it. All I could think of was if there was an emergency I wouldn't be able to get off the people mover fast enough and I would die. My dream was also full of fear about not being able to protect my son. I also couldn't protect a baby in my dream. The babies in my dream were orphans and they were being abused by women and possibly priests. And in my dream I remember thinking I should have told someone sooner. I should have spoken up sooner. In my dream I though if I spoke up sooner perhaps I could have saved a child from abuse.

[Anne2.0]

I like to say to myself after having a dream like that, "self, that's not too symbolic, is is?"

I am not at all trying to be sarcastic or mean. It does feel to me to be symbolic, like most of the disturbing dreams I have. In a recurring dream, it often ends with me thinking I've protected my son but not being sure, or with me thinking I've failed at protecting him or other children.

I think it's the gift of CSA that keeps on giving. As we heal from its effects and accept its realities, we are of course afraid for our children, for children everywhere. Maybe your dream is in part a call to action.

Sometimes I have trouble shaking off a dream like this in my day, and I hope that you find peace and comfort in your waking time.

[mixedup_emotions]

Sounds like a terrifying dream....to me, it's as if was about T bearing witness to the feelings you have surrounding a particular issue.

I recall having an awful recurring dream of being in T's office and being attacked and sexually abused...and T wasn't there....then afterwards, he came in and sat with me while I was in the corner of the room on the floor. In our interpretation of it, it wasn't so much about the awfulness of the attack....it was that T wasn't able to save me from it and is only able to support me after the fact. Very telling.

[Sannah]

I'm glad that your T was a supportive presence in the dream. Could the crowded people mover symbolize how you feel about your life right now? That it is crowded and frantic?

[anilam]

I think it's great your T acts as a support in that dream. Seems you two have a good RS.
Fearing you're not protecting others is pretty common I'd guess- I don't have kids, yet in some of my dreams I've already failed in protecting them. So I wouldn't necessarily interpret it as a call for action (i.e. stg is happening in the RL).

I have a lot of dreams with babies in them, also kittens and puppies and small animals.

I found this explanation in an article on Jungian dream symbols. Maybe it will help:

4. The Divine Child is your true self in its purest form. It not only symbolizes your innocence, your sense of vulnerability, and your helplessness, but it represents your aspirations and full potential. You are open to all possibilities. In the dreamscape, this figure is represented by a baby or young child.

[geez]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I'm glad that your T was a supportive presence in the dream. Could the crowded people mover symbolize how you feel about your life right now? That it is crowded and frantic?

I think the crowded people mover symbolizes my emotions of feeling like I'm about to die. Like I'm trapped and I can't escape. I don't feel trapped by people around me but I would say I feel trapped by my emotions and cognitive distortions.

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I have a lot of dreams with babies in them, also kittens and puppies and small animals.

I found this explanation in an article on Jungian dream symbols. Maybe it will help:

4. The Divine Child is your true self in its purest form. It not only symbolizes your innocence, your sense of vulnerability, and your helplessness, but it represents your aspirations and full potential. You are open to all possibilities. In the dreamscape, this figure is represented by a baby or young child.

Would this mean I couldn't protect myself as a young child? Is that what I feel responsible for perhaps? I was sexually abuse by a neighbor for 1.5 years starting at the age of 5.

Originally Posted by geez

I think the crowded people mover symbolizes my emotions of feeling like I'm about to die. Like I'm trapped and I can't escape. I don't feel trapped by people around me but I would say I feel trapped by my emotions and cognitive distortions.


Would this mean I couldn't protect myself as a young child? Is that what I feel responsible for perhaps? I was sexually abuse by a neighbor for 1.5 years starting at the age of 5.

I've done a lot of dream work with my T, and just guessing here (what do I know? seriously ...) that this is something your unconscious is dealing with and trying to come to terms with. That you value the vulnerable, helpless part of yourself and you're afraid you won't be able to protect it. That maybe in the present you keep that part hidden in order to protect it? You're afraid to reach your true potential because you're afraid a part of you might be destroyed? I know this is true in my case - all the babies in my dreams are a true self that I need to keep hidden because it's too vulnerable. But in keeping it hidden, I'll never reach my true potential. Do you think this might be the case for you too?

[elliemay]

It is so nice that your therapist was there. I remember when my old therapist started creeping into my dreams as a benign observer. He was very happy.

I was too actually. It was a positive indicator to me that (a) he was always there (b) he was non-threatening and (c) I had finally let him in.

The rest of the dream does sound frightening. I often dream that I am on some form of crappy transportation and trapped on it.

My dreams are also tinged with a sense of impending doom and trying to protect/find something.

I used to think dreams were just mindless brain activity. I now know otherwise. From my own personal experience, I've gotten a lot of good insight from my dreams. Stuff my conscious mind, for some reason or other, wouldn't allow to bubble up.

I hope your therapist is into dreams.

[geez]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

I've done a lot of dream work with my T, and just guessing here (what do I know? seriously ...) that this is something your unconscious is dealing with and trying to come to terms with. That you value the vulnerable, helpless part of yourself and you're afraid you won't be able to protect it. That maybe in the present you keep that part hidden in order to protect it? You're afraid to reach your true potential because you're afraid a part of you might be destroyed? I know this is true in my case - all the babies in my dreams are a true self that I need to keep hidden because it's too vulnerable. But in keeping it hidden, I'll never reach my true potential. Do you think this might be the case for you too?

Everything you wrote struck a huge cord with me! I'm afraid I can't protect my children from the outside world. And about keeping my inner child hidden because it feels to vulnerable is so true. - the feelings behind that feel very raw. The other day my T said that she sees me trying to sabotage myself and what you wrote about me being afraid to reach my true potential is so true! - It feels like in a second I'm going to lose everything I've worked for up to this point and to keep progressing forward in my life feels very shaky and scary!

Thank you a million times Bunny! I so needed to read this!

[geez]

Originally Posted by elliemay

It is so nice that your therapist was there. I remember when my old therapist started creeping into my dreams as a benign observer. He was very happy.

I was too actually. It was a positive indicator to me that (a) he was always there (b) he was non-threatening and (c) I had finally let him in.

The rest of the dream does sound frightening. I often dream that I am on some form of crappy transportation and trapped on it.

My dreams are also tinged with a sense of impending doom and trying to protect/find something.

I used to think dreams were just mindless brain activity. I now know otherwise. From my own personal experience, I've gotten a lot of good insight from my dreams. Stuff my conscious mind, for some reason or other, wouldn't allow to bubble up.

I hope your therapist is into dreams.

Ellie thank you so much for sharing your experience. My T is into exploring dreams as we did explore this dream a little bit but since my appt I have a much bigger sense of clarity about the dream. I wrote to my T in an email explaining things in more detail and we will discuss in my appt next week.

Thank you for your insight!