[JY200]

Hi, I have body dysmorphic disorder. Everyone tells me I am very handsome, I believe them, when I look in the mirror I don't see the same person everyone else sees. I don't see what I really look like. I see a distorted body image, it's like looking in a funhouse mirror. I have had this since I was 13. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain. If you have it your brain does not process information correctly. I see any likeness of myself distorted. No one on earth sees what I see in the mirror. People with Body Dysmorphic Disorder see imperfections that are imaginary or imperfections that look very small to everyone else but look a million times bigger to them. They will take an imperfection that is the size of a penny to everyone else and make it the size of a house to themselves. Are there any women on here that have Body Dysmorphic Disorder? If so would you like to talk about it? We can give each other support. I only want to hear from you if you are a woman that has Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I am here to offer support and receive it. I have been taking medication and have been in therapy for seven years but it has not helped at all. I hope to one day look in the mirror and see the same person everyone else sees. Thanks and I wish all the best other people that suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

[unaluna]

Well, we see ourselves thru the eyes of others at first. And that will be how we hold and present ourselves. So the trick I think is to find a therapist (or someone) to look at us as if we were the most special, most beautiful, most precious being in the world. Which is how most babies do or should be looked at. Eventually you will start responding, unconsciously, and become your best self, and people WILL be glad to see you, because you will look as if you are glad to see them. That's the "first impression" people talk about- do you seem glad to see them? Because they are worried about the same thing you are. The next step is when both people know, just assume, they're welcome, and get down to business.

[JY200]

Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm not sure if I suffer from this. I believe what I see is real, and it's not appealing. And I don't trust when others say otherwise.

I'm curious to know why you're only interested in hearing from women with this disorder. I'd imagine that being open to feedback from a wider range of people could be useful.

[JY200]

I had a female therapist that told me I was beautiful and millions of people have told me I am beautiful. I have seen what I really look like, in the photo of me in the yellow shirt you see. That is the only thing I have seen my true self in, and that is what everyone else sees. I have not seen my true self in anything else. I know I am very handsome and I saw that in the photo but I want to see it in the mirror. I have not had a therapist in a long time and I tried to get a new one but was not able to. Thanks.]

[Jolisse]

Hello JY,
I have BDD and have been suffering for a long time. I see a hideous face, when I look in the mirror. This prevents me from going out and doing what I want to do in life.
I suffer from severe depression and anxiety/panic attacks.
After dealing with this for so many years, I have a greater understanding about BDD.
My BDD started after a terrible marriage, ending in divorce. It was a short marriage, but the damage had been done.
I remember the exact day, I became aware of my BDD. I had so many negative emotions, due to my divorce. Horrible emotions, that I didn't know what to do with them. All the pain, anger, shame, guilt and disbelief bubbled over an when I looked in the mirror, I saw this hideous creature staring back at me.
The image was so real and I totally freaked out, causing a massive panic attack.
I tried to deal with what I was seeing and kept silent for a few weeks. Eventually, I was unable to function ans confided in my mother.
My mother had no idea what I was talking about, all she saw was her beautiful daughter standing in front of her. I could see she was upset and no idea, how I perceived myself. I told her I was going crazy!
From that day on, my mother made it her mission to get me help. After numerous therapists and even more meds, I enrolled in a double blind study at one of the best hospitals in the area.
This gave me a support system and constant monitoring of my BDD.
I spent 2 1/2 years in this study an it did help. My BDD lay dormant, but never really went away. Any kind of stress, or anxiety brought the symptoms back.
Fast forward about 20 yrs and I'm once again in hell. The death of my mother brought my BDD back, full force. I'm now seeing that horrific image, once again.
The depression and panic is so overwhelming, I just want to end it all.
Thank goodness for my pdoc, he hooked me up with a therapist who specializes in this field. A slight change in meds and CBT has me feeling better. I'm not 100%, but I have hope.
With BDD, what you see in the mirror is not real. I've been to many plastic surgeons, to have my face fixed. Thank god, my support system, didn't let that happen.
I continue to struggle, but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If anyone is struggling with BDD, please feel free to send me a message. I would love to help you, if I can.

[WikidPissah]

Yup. I have dealt with this since I was a child. I freak out going into stores because I have to check my distortion in reflections and mirrors. I only have a small face mirror in my bedroom for makeup, because I spent too much time checking and rechecking. It is a form of OCD. I have had surgeries that made more MAJOR big flaws in my body. It's very difficult to live with, and only treatable if your willing to talk about your body flaws with someone. I am not there yet. Good luck.

PS: I find your insistence on a woman's POV a bit reprehensible, but I wrote so others that read/respond will know they aren't alone. I do not know why there is no forum for it.

[murray]

This is one of my issues as well. Like Wiki I only have a small mirror in the bathroom. I don't wear makeup though as I feel it would draw more attention to me and all of my flaws and that people would then feel the need to tell me how pointless it is for me to even try to pretend that I could be presentable. The mirror is basically to ensure I don't have food in my teeth or something. If I catch a glimpse of myself somewhere I am usually devastated and it is all I can do to keep doing whatever I am doing rather than go home and hide myself from the world.