[birdcrazy]

I left my therapist earlier this year after she told me to never have children. Then I went back to her when I was having problems. Now she says never get a job because my job is to just stay well. I am a high functioning, intelligent woman! Others have said I should have a job and family. I want some hope for my future! Apparently me and my husband are suppose to sit around and collect ssi for the rest of our lives and never get to raise children

[anilam]

Stop going- not even she is a bad T she sucks as a human beings too. I'd report this.

[tealBumblebee]

Oh wow! She would have gotten a first degree cuss out. Do NOT go back. She sucks.

[wotchermuggle]

What the heck? That T is seriously messed up. My T has told me that having children RIGHT NOW probably isn't the best idea, but he's never even come close to saying I should never have kids.

[birdcrazy]

I'm feeling bad because one person I know agrees with the t.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can't judge whether or not your T is a bad T based on your limited feedback alone. I'd imagine it was a difficult thing to hear, although it's worth exploring the reasons behind those kinds of recommendations by your T. If you have someone that agrees with T's perspective, it's good information for you to evaluate.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by birdcrazy

I left my therapist earlier this year after she told me to never have children. Then I went back to her when I was having problems. Now she says never get a job because my job is to just stay well. I am a high functioning, intelligent woman! Others have said I should have a job and family. I want some hope for my future! Apparently me and my husband are suppose to sit around and collect ssi for the rest of our lives and never get to raise children

((bird))

That was very heavy advice from your T. Are you sure she said NEVER?
I hope she meant, "Get well first, THEN look for a job."

[Victoria'smom]

I'd have to go back and ask her Why the **** don't you think I should ever have kids? See where that takes you and go from there whether it's time to terminate or something else.

[Sciencelover]

You've given us such limited information it's really hard to give any feedback. I would ask yourself and maybe your T what she actually said. I know there are times that I haven't heard something fully or have misunderstood.

If she did say, "never have kids" then ask her why. You need to explore that. There are absolutely some people who should never have kids. If your T thinks you are one of them (and people in your life do as well) then I would really talk to T in depth about that.

[Littlemeinside]

In another thread you wrote that you tried to get pregnant while taking Lithium. ..After doing your own research and not consulting a Pdoc??

Maybe she is just concerned of you being of meds during pregnacy and you putting the safety of an unborn child in a potential danger on meds?

I can understand how it must hurt if she said it like that, though.

As for jobs...if you feel stable and are highly functioning- whats holding you back from getting one?

[anilam]

Trying to get pregnant while on lithium is very irresponsible- what kind of research could s.o. done? Just google lithium pregnancy...
I have a friend with bp and she's working (part-time now), got pregnant and had a healthy baby girl but after careful planning with all her doctors (T included- needed extra support).

[Favorite Jeans]

Huh. What about one step at a time? I think a job is much, much lower stakes and so a good place to start. Finding out after the fact you weren't ready for a job is disappointing. Finding out after the fact that you weren't ready for a kid can be absolutely disastrous.

Do you think you you think you want a kid or is it more that you didn't like being told "never" about it? What can you offer a child? Safety? Consistency? Stability? Unconditional love? Kids are really, really hard and they need you practically all the time for many, many years. You need a deep well of strength, patience and kindness plus an ability to put yourself second for a long time. Ideally you also have outside support like people who can babysit, be there for you when you're at wits end and love your kid. It helps a lot to be financially stable and have a good stable partner with whom you have a strong relationship.

Also kids destabilize you emotionally. You are stressed and sleep deprived and often pushed and irritated to your limit. You won't handle it perfectly but you need to be able to respond with patience and empathy most of the time and not be abusive any of the time.

I could go on and on. Your T mostly needs to let you make your own choices and mistakes and let the chips fall where they may. But having kids is different. Your T has a responsibility to your hypothetical kids. S/he needs to tell you if s/he doesn't think you're parent material at the moment. The stakes are too high to just let you muddle through it.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by birdcrazy

I left my therapist earlier this year after she told me to never have children. Then I went back to her when I was having problems. Now she says never get a job because my job is to just stay well. I am a high functioning, intelligent woman! Others have said I should have a job and family. I want some hope for my future! Apparently me and my husband are suppose to sit around and collect ssi for the rest of our lives and never get to raise children

It does sound most concerning that a therapist would use the word, 'never', in such context.

If it were me, I'd probably go, right back in and confront my therapist for a further explanation. And then, from there, if stated the same way, time for a new therapist. Because that's such an all or nothing statement on their part.

[birdcrazy]

About the pregnancy thing, I had a discussion with my husband on why that should not happen until I am more stable and off lithium.

Right now I am very unstable. Actually thinking back she didn't say never she probably meant it was a bad idea right now and I overreacted.

People tend to want things right now. I wanted a job right now, my husband wanted a baby no matter what, both bad ideas.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

It does sound most concerning that a therapist would use the word, 'never', in such context.

If it were me, I'd probably go, right back in and confront my therapist for a further explanation. And then, from there, if stated the same way, time for a new therapist. Because that's such an all or nothing statement on their part.

Yup. This.