[sittingatwatersedge]

in some cases, would coming to session 'prepared' (bringing a list, or a show and tell, or some definite topic) be a sign of perfectionism?

can you tell it's an issue... (red face)

[refika]

I do that all the time, and my T says it's my controlling tendencies which we are discovering does stem from being a perfectionist or perfectionism. I claim it's because when I walk through that door, every thought runs out of my mind.

[Ike McCaslin]

I use a list because i can't remember what I want to talk about once I get in the room. I am far from a perfectionist. PDOC has never brought it up.

[Perna]

I think I used preparedness to control but in a protective sense, to keep from having to engage another person in the present. My T and I discovered I reported on my life rather than sharing it with her as it was happening. She never got anything new or unique to our relationship, it was all safely in the past, as in "yesterday I felt. . ."

[DelusionsDaily]

I have to start coming prepared...I never know what to talk about. And she Doesn't want me to feel like I'm wasting my time in that space for therapy.

[Nightlight]

If I was always prepared, I think it would be because the sense of control made me feel safe. Personally, I don't prepare, except sometimes I take writing about specific issues. I feel safer going in without a plan and being helped by T to find the way forwards in terms of what needs to be worked on. Often it just comes up quite easily and we talk about things I wasn't expecting to focus on (that turn out to be what I most needed to talk about). T wants me to take more control though. I always thought I did, I just needed a bit of help to get going each time. So I'm struggling to head in the opposite direction. Perhaps I need tips on how to be really prepared! Maybe I'll take a list next time.

[sweepy62]

I bring a list only because I forget once I enter her office I get overwhelmed its like the twilight zone

[stopdog]

To me this is the sort of trick question with therapists. Some are all like "I am not going to help guide you on what to talk about" so the client prepares.
then the client gets labelled perfectionistic (at best) if they come in with something ready to go. This would really piss me off.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

in some cases, would coming to session 'prepared' (bringing a list, or a show and tell, or some definite topic) be a sign of perfectionism?

If the person came to session every time and was like that, then yes, he/she is probably are a perfectionist. If someone does it once in a while, then probably not. Some people are perfectionists, some laid back, some in between. We are not all alike, and I think that's OK. I also think therapy can be a place to try out new ways of being in the world. So if one is a perfectionist, and always brings a list, then one could try not doing that--just arriving without a topic or list and seeing where the sessions flows. I have found that some of my really great sessions have been when we talked about things I never would have imagined we would that day. I think if one feels at ease and safe with the therapist, it is easier to let go and allow things to flow.

[QuietCat]

T made it pretty clear from the start that I'm to come to each session with a topic picked out. Sometimes I flounder for a topic and I'll say something like, "Oh, now I have to pick a topic," and he'll say, "Well, yes. I'd like to know whats on your mind." And unless I've jotted down a topic or two beforehand, I'll do this: and waste several minutes trying to think of something.

I think only once or twice I have not been able to come up with a topic beforehand and he will use the time to review our therapy together thus far, to see if I'm still having the same issues I came to him with at the start.

Originally Posted by stopdog

To me this is the sort of trick question with therapists. Some are all like "I am not going to help guide you on what to talk about" so the client prepares.
then the client gets labelled perfectionistic (at best) if they come in with something ready to go. This would really piss me off.

Tricky they are!

Originally Posted by stopdog

To me this is the sort of trick question with therapists. Some are all like "I am not going to help guide you on what to talk about" so the client prepares.
then the client gets labelled perfectionistic (at best) if they come in with something ready to go. This would really piss me off.

See, this is exactly it Stopdog they do trick clients and manipulate them ! This is why my head is wrecked with therapy!
They ask you what you would like to talk a out and you come organised with a topic and then t says its controlling!
I am starting to see here that ts let their own feelings get in the way a lot, on one hand they pass the book to us and slack off: meaning the client does the hard work. On the other hand t uses this against the client as ammunition. We can't win. Maybe I am just too sensitive lately but it really makes me question where the healing is in some relationships by letting their own feelings get in the way!

[Victoria'smom]

I gave T a huge list of issues at the start. So "all" I bring is my homework

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

in some cases, would coming to session 'prepared' (bringing a list, or a show and tell, or some definite topic) be a sign of perfectionism?

can you tell it's an issue... (red face)

Hi sittingatwatersedge,

No, I don't think it's a sign of perfectionism, although I guess it depends on the context in which it occurs. If you came prepared to every therapy session and then were to become very anxious and/or agitated for example, if you weren't prepared on a particular occasion, then it might be?

On the other hand, my exT let me email my journal to him each week, which he would read before our session (with the understanding that there might be times when he wouldn't have the time to do so, but he read it most of the time).

Whether he had time to read it or not, his expectation was that I would come to therapy with specific topics in mind to discuss.

This worked well for us.

Bluey

[newtus]

Originally Posted by stopdog

To me this is the sort of trick question with therapists. Some are all like "I am not going to help guide you on what to talk about" so the client prepares.
then the client gets labelled perfectionistic (at best) if they come in with something ready to go. This would really piss me off.

i like your style

I always had so much to talk about with my ex-T...

I had a clipboard and wrote a lot during every session. If you want to drive your T a little nuts, try that. Mine was like, "Are you writing? I can't see if you're writing the way you are sitting. Wait, what did you just write?"

Then they know how you feel when they take notes on you...

I really wasn't trying to be evil, just insanely OCD.

[newtus]

in all my times in my life having a therapist i never went "prepared" with a list or an object or even anything on my mind. which im sure didnt help some things. ive ACTUALLY never ever actually worked through things with a therapist. my first therapist when i was a teen just told me to say whats on my mind. so i did all therapy like that. i found out years later that i was supposed to WORK THROUGH stuff but i thought i was supposed to TALK ABOUT stuff. my whole life with therapists have been really nothing but crap. partly cause idk how its supposed to work.

reading about everyones sessions is crazy to me - how what you all talk about with therapists is so analyzed to the detail. it almost seems absurd. dont get me wrong im not new to therapy. i just dont think ive ever done it right.

Originally Posted by newtus

in all my times in my life having a therapist i never went "prepared" with a list or an object or even anything on my mind. which im sure didnt help some things. ive ACTUALLY never ever actually worked through things with a therapist. my first therapist when i was a teen just told me to say whats on my mind. so i did all therapy like that. i found out years later that i was supposed to WORK THROUGH stuff but i thought i was supposed to TALK ABOUT stuff. my whole life with therapists have been really nothing but crap. partly cause idk how its supposed to work.

reading about everyones sessions is crazy to me - how what you all talk about with therapists is so analyzed to the detail. it almost seems absurd. dont get me wrong im not new to therapy. i just dont think ive ever done it right.

It sounds like you had "supportive therapy"...you talk, they listen (I guess). I had 5 years of that and was getting nowhere until a friend was telling me about her therapy and I was like, "WHAT???" and then I started seeing the same therapist for awhile and learned that one can work through things. So yeah I get exactly what you mean...

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

I always had so much to talk about with my ex-T...

Me too - that's why he wanted me to pick just a few things to discuss . . .

Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610

I had a clipboard and wrote a lot during every session. If you want to drive your T a little nuts, try that. Mine was like, "Are you writing? I can't see if you're writing the way you are sitting. Wait, what did you just write?"

Too funny lol

[3velniai]

After 4 years of therapy it never occurred to me that you could prepare for it Even if I come up with something I totally forget what it was after I walk into the room, so I just stopped thinking about what I want to say when I see T. I actually asked her once if I should think about what I want to say or something, she just said: so you want to control what happens here? Ts... they always over analyse stuff, don't they.

change 'prepared/unprepared' to 'guarded/unguarded'

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by stopdog

To me this is the sort of trick question with therapists. Some are all like "I am not going to help guide you on what to talk about" so the client prepares.
then the client gets labelled perfectionistic (at best) if they come in with something ready to go. This would really piss me off.

SD/button... have to speak up in defense of my T!!

this was not at all the behavior that caused T to bring up being perfectionistic.

I didn't want to believe it but I did a lot of reading and am mortified to find that she's right.
Now I look for other behaviors with the same driving force.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

change 'prepared/unprepared' to 'guarded/unguarded'

If the question is reworded that way the answer will be yes.

But I don't think coming with a show and tell, or a specific topic to talk about, is being 'guarded'. To me that says one is engaged in the work of therapy, you know, having something to ask the T's guidance on.

You seem 'defended' in your response sitting. Why so afraid??

[critterlady]

I read an interesting blog about this yesterday:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...lk-about-today

I've found it to be true that some of the most productive sessions have been the ones when I've gone in with no agenda. T always gets a gleam in his eye when I tell him I have nothing specific I wanted to talk about. He usually asks me a question and we're off.