Therapist knows best?

I don't think of "best interests" as judgmental. Nor as an expression of power--though in the wrong hands it can certainly be both of those things.

I see it more as acting out of best professional knowledge, while leaving the door continually open to the possibility of misjudgment.

Reasoned judgment is good; judgmental (usually unreasoned by definition) is bad.

No right to try to change the therapist's mind?

She has said (I think it's in one of my other threads) that she's not going to try to calm me down because that is not good for me.

I'm the opposite. T focusses too much on the roots and not at all on skills. And she won't budge.

It's starting to look like an irreconcilable difference.

And if my T does not believe that? Back to leaving, I guess.

You're not the only one, I assure you!

The short answer is that it takes time to build a therapeutic relationship. A T is not easily replaced.

I have serious questions about T's methods, but I have no doubt at all about her integrity and her motivation.

She took me back four times, and she'd take me back another four times if necessary.

I have seen the tears in her eyes.

Finally, there is ample evidence that she has helped me in the past.
1. I have accepted much more domestic responsibility.
2. I am not angry all the time.
3. I have stopped hating my mother.
4. I am reconciled to my father's second wife.
5. I don't have to take Prozac any more.
6. I have stopped sulking.
7. I can look people in the eye.
8. I am happy most of the time.

We certainly haven't got to the bottom of the power question yet. She is sure that power is a huge issue, and between us it certainly is. She thinks my power issues extend beyond therapy, but she could very well be wrong.

I can't find anyone who agrees with her. I walk all over my boss? I think not. My boss gives me a long leash, but it is still there. My T deliberately keeps a very short leash, and refuses to see that she is being stupid. She seems to think that lengthening my leash would be bad for me.

In what way do you think she keeps a short leash on you? I would see her response to you as being a VERY long leash, particularly when you discuss your behavior in the "good" group.

I am not trying to say this in a mean or sarcastic way, but I think if you asked for a show of hands HERE on this issue, there would be some people who would agree with her.

Or, perhaps I'm incorrect, it's only me.

My T cries too. You can't assume what it's about. They might not even be thinking about you. They could be remembering something else. Fact. That's how therapy works from their end. Their mind goes wherever. But what they say hopefully is applicable to our situation. But they get their feelings and responses from their life.

What about your wife? Your brother in law? The bad group? Here, where you get really upset when people offer suggestions or thoughts you don't agree with? I seem to recall with your boss also that you have commented that he pretty much lets you do what you want. That, to me, seems like a power and control issue. Even with your daughter, who you love, you have had control issues with her using your things, wanting her to leave you alone when you want her to, wanting her to interact with you when YOU want to, and getting so frustrated about difficulties getting her ready for school that you need to talk about it in therapy and get hugely upset at your T for not being "supportive" enough. Getting reluctant kids ready for school is something some of us face every day, by the way. But for you, it seemed to be a huge issue, and it seemed with both your daughter and your T, that the issue is about power. Your daughter for not complying the way you want her to, even though it's perfectly normal behavior for a kid her age, and then with your T for not giving you support in the way YOU want her to.

And here I am concerned about the whole leash idea with a therapist. Take off the leash/slip the collar. How did a therapist get a leash on you in the first place? A client does not have to/need to submit to a therapist. Don't give her your power in the first place is my approach. Don't let them put the leash on you.

I don't think we are going to understand each other. You are too much like my T!

My T had tears in her eyes and said, "I thought I was going to lose you." It couldn't possibly have been any clearer.

Sorry. I am very curious about this, unfortunately, because it seems so foreign to me. I'll leave you alone.

I'll put you down as agreeing with my T. You're a shortleasher.

Maybe this is just a difference in opinion. In which case, T is wrong to view it as a sign of mental illness.

Analogy: There was a thread by a woman who felt her T didn't understand and wouldn't understand that she was a lesbian. Her T wanted her to like boys. Her solution was to switch Ts. She did the right thing, don't you think?

I'll butt out. I thought those were legitimate questions that might be helpful for you to address. If you do not wish to, that's entirely your right. Although I seem to remember a certain someone who would ask questions on here and ask people what they were avoiding when they did not wish to answer.

I don't understand how one logically follows from the other.

But I think it's demeaning to call someone a "shortleasher" even though I don't understand exactly what that means. And I don't understand why you couldn't just explain what MKAC asked you to explain without resorting to a simplistic label that seems to be a subtle put down. Or maybe not so subtle.

And some of us don't. For me it was the first time.

The expert
at anything
was once
a beginner.

In this instance, I find you unsupportive.

So me pointing out that this is common activity (and we all did it for the first time at one point or another) is unsupportive? It's not like I said, "suck it up, Buddy, and stop complaining about perfectly normal behavior on your kid's part." I am legitimately confused on how me pointing out that this is not an unusual activity and not unusual behavior on a kid's part, and not an unusual response by your T such that a huge rage reaction would follow, is unsupportive. You SAID you couldn't find anyone who agrees with your T. Ta-DAH, here I am. And you have also indicated that you think a rupture with your T is inevitable over this incident, but that you DON'T want a rupture to happen. I thought that it would help to a void a rupture is you could consider these things.

In all seriousness, please tell us what you need. If you only want responses from people who agree with you, please say that. You could have said, "I cannot find anyone who agrees with my T and I don't want to." The questions I asked WERE honestly meant to give you some new things to possibly consider.

I think you would have support here if you really want to change therapists.
I don't think you will find support here if you call people names like short leasher.
Just my opinion.

This is one of many examples where I've seen you blindly dismiss someone because they do not agree with you.

Several people here agree with your T, but it seems you are unwilling to see that.

I agree a therapeutic relationship is hard to build, but it was hard to understand 10 years if she is as bad as she sounded before. Now that you explained she helped you with taking care of more of your domestic responsibilities, etc., I think I understand it more. I think that maybe I didn't read enough of your posts to understand what was going on before.

BTW, I think that you were laughing at yourself for your issues with power in some of your signature quotes, like the one you have on here now. Is that right?

I apologise.

Obviously it is more pleasant all round if I don't lose my temper.

But I do lose my temper and that's when I most need support.