Therapist knows best?

I lose my temper. However one of the things I am learning in therapy is that I am an adult and I am in control of my behaviors. There are consequences for immature actions. Support is not one of those consequences. Acting out and expecting people to bow to one's desires is called bullying.

If controlling your temper, not acting out in anger, whatever, is one of your goals in therapy (and it has appeared it is), then at that moment in particular, I would suggest support is a dysfunctional response.

Non-reaction, withdrawal, or confrontation--not engagement in anger--would be functional responses. And it seems like those are the typical responses of your T.

You can accept her responses or not. Stay in therapy with her or not. Contrive a rupture to feel justified and powerful, or not. You have a number of choices, but trying to coerce support from others isn't one of them.

I suppose it is *technically* a choice to attempt to coerce support from others, but it's not something that I would ever participate in willingly or deliberately. I would hope that this kind of behavior wouldn't be rewarded, online or elsewhere.

The most important thing to me in participating as part of this forum is that I get to say what I think. I hope that when I'm posting in response to someone, that my response is helpful to them. Or if it's not helpful to the person it's directed it, it might be helpful to someone else. But if it's not, that is okay, because I have my own reasons for saying what I want to say. It isn't always all about the original poster and no one has the right to demand that any thread that they start be all about them. No one is entitled to take emotional hostages in a thread just because they don't get what they want.

(((Anne)))

Just a thought here, you can't be taken as an emotional hostage without your consent.

We all agree on that. My thing is that it is very difficult to spend time trying to draft a response that is honest, that I believe raises valid points and gives the other person something to think about, without being too blunt, and be completely dismissed in a somewhat insulting manner. I have really tried to offer help and things to think about, just to be dismissed, complained about on other threads and blocked by the original poster.

Although I know that many other members of the forum agree with me, at least two other people have really attacked me when I respond to them, or to other people with whom they identify, even when I just offering a different way of looking at the situation. So then I end up only responding to people who think the way I do. For me, that defeats the purpose of getting a new viewpoint, new input, and a new way of looking at things.

Right, but if I feel someone trying to do this to me, I am going to point it out.

MANY different people have made the points made in this thread in MANY different threads concerning this. I think there is some justification for people getting bit tired of the attacks no matter how nicely disagreement is expressed. And then the ball gets taken home because someone no longer wants to play.

And it's a good thought. I could have perhaps worded this better as an attempt rather than a per se thing, but I do appreciate your gentle reminder that I have my own agency that no one can take away.

I feel this has been my experience, too. It especially bugs me when people who complain that other people are critical or non-supportive then go on to criticize and say unsupportive things. The hypocrisy makes me the most upset of all.

I have found that sometimes the better part of valor for me is to not reply or read some posters. No matter how well meaning we each are, if I know we just are not going to respond well to each other, I try to remember not to try.
I try to remember my message might be better received if delivered by someone else.

Thanks stop. I need to remember that. My hands are shaking now from getting attacked elsewhere. I just need to not waste time on people who do not wish to hear any viewpoint other than their own.

To be honest, I am trying to start posting my position on things and accepting that not everyone is going to agree with me. It isn't easy for me. I am not trying to take sides, I am putting forth an effort to see all sides, even if I don't understand them. This is new for me, and I think it is progress, as compared to me getting triggered and wrongly posting an enraged post, which I have done a few times and was totally my fault. So, that is where I am coming from at the moment.

I am sorry that people have attacked you, that sucks. I also see the split where people respond to others with whom they identify, I suspect I have been like that in the past. I think that if you put forth your best response, and if you are doing it in an effort to help another (which it definitely appears to be so), then maybe that is what you should take from it (easier said than done). If anyone doesn't take your responses well and dismisses you in an insulting way, that doesn't make your thoughts and words meant to help any less important or any less valid, imo. That would be on the person who is posting (I am not talking about this OP, just in general). I think if this happens continuously with any one poster, that maybe not replying would be the best answer, but I could be wrong. I am not stating any of this as fact, just my opinion at the moment. Take care.

((((Anne)))))