why am i in therapy?

the news says its not healthy. lol. but anyway..im not acting on anything. besides not liking them i dont think hospital is a choice i have. to me its a last resort.

If you can not see that feeling homicidal is not a good , positive feeling then I would think you NEED to be on medication and in the hospital until you get a better handle on things. I'm sorry you don't like them , but they are not there to be our friends, they are there to help us get better and a lot of times that involves doing and thinking about things we don't want to, hence we hate them. I am glad you aren't acting on anything but I would be afraid and add a "yet" to that statement. A thought can turn into an action with the blink of an eye.

yea im not denying it can. ive come close to jail time for almost assaulting someone a year ago. but i just cant keep going to the hospital ive been there near 12 times.

That makes you the proverbial horse ? As you have been led to the water, but you choose not to drink. I'm sorry you are in a low spot and I hope you choose to get help with these feelings, before you end up hurting or killing someone and spend your life in Prison . Maybe a little responsibility for ones self here would be good.

hospital is not always the best choice. plus its a tens of thousands of dollars for something i can fix at home. if it gets bad yea medications ill take them. the same meds they have at the hospital i can give myself. the hospitals within 100 miles of me are only crisis units. sit in a dayroom and take scheduled meds. i can do that in my living room. dont get me wrong ive been in a multiple hospitals - strapped restrained - been through near everything. thats why i have this opinion about hospitals. if i didnt think i could control myself id go. but theres no reason for me to be in one. i mean i personally dont think so anyway. im open to suggestions but hospital seems more than what i need. like overkill.

What about fixing the things you can then?
1. Take Meds
2. See T and be open to suggestions
Get proactive.

i actually think im doing alright without that stuff

but thanks for the help

if i hurt anyone its on me.

Just take care of yourself!

Newtus I tell my T when I have homicidal thoughts all the time. I've have yet to be hospitalized, it's a symptom. I think it's an issue a lot of T's have come across. If I am hospitalized it wont be because of that. T asks why I haven't acted on it yet. My reason was not a "normal" response but good enough for her. I would let your T get to know you first though. What about telling T "You don't know yet" or "to trust the mental health system".

What kind of Ts have you been seeing? My T is a relational therapist, they basically think the relationship between therapist and client is what heals, and you form that relationship and just sort of see what comes up, rather than having to walk in and explain what's wrong.

I totally sympathise as a counsellor put me off getting any kind of help for years by saying: "What do you want to talk about?" and then saying she couldn't help me unless I talked. I told my T about that and how I'm afraid he won't help me if I can't just talk. He said all I have to do is show up. If I want to lie on the floor and say nothing, fine.

I really hope you can find someone you can work with. You deserve the help you need. Everyone does.

thanks tinyrabbit. idk what kind i see. cbt i guess. im not well versed in therapy stuff.