[QuietCat]

So other than my awkward/confusing emotional session with T today I had this happen: I was silent for a VERY long time and T didn't interrupt. Then I looked at T and stared (eye contact) for what felt like many many minutes long and neither of us spoke. In reality it was probably about 45 seconds to a minute at most. This was NOT in a romantic type gazing in the eyes sort of thing at all. This was me staring him down to see how long he would last and of course he won.

Has anyone else done this? Stared at T to see if they would look away first? I'm just really curious what was going on in his head while I was doing it. I could kick myself now for not being in the frame of mind to say, "What are you thinking?"

[Victoria'smom]

I've done that the therapist always wins. I usually break up by saying "how are you doing today ?"

[roads]

ow.ooow. ouch.OUIEokay, I get it, rough session. I hope he didn't make you play mouse to his cat too long. Was this your first session with him?

[Sunne]

I'm going to try this tomorrow

[QuietCat]

Originally Posted by Sunne

I'm going to try this tomorrow

Haha! Let me know how it goes. I think they might take some type of required training in "how to out-stare the patient".

[QuietCat]

Originally Posted by Roadie

ow.ooow. ouch.OUIEokay, I get it, rough session. I hope he didn't make you play mouse to his cat too long. Was this your first session with him?

No, I've been seeing him for quite awhile now. I didn't look at him at all when I first started out.

[BluRose9068]

This happens almost every appointment. I always last longer (not easy). I think he is trying to figure out if I am present or if I have "checked out" to use his words. I'm sure he could outlast me if he wanted to.

[likelife]

I wouldn't last more than 5 seconds.

Ya do this to let you know they are there and present for you! Ha, although sometimes it can feel like a staring contest alright!
They keep eye contact at all times if possible!

[dismantle.repair]

There's actually always a silence wheN I start a session... but my T realised I'm too stubborn to speak first... and that I never know what to say ()... So she usually has to say something.
I've never actually stared at her though... I try to not keep eye contact, but damn is she good at making me look at her. There's a vibe...

Yeah, this has happened twice. I wouldn't call it a staring contest. We just looked at each other for what seemed like a really long time, but it was probably only a few seconds. Both of our expressions were neutral, but it was an extremely intimate moment. You might say he "held my gaze". Very powerful. I'm still not sure what was going on. But since we're working on my fear of intimacy, I guess it was in that area.

Now I know why so many of us avoid eye contact. Looking someone straight in the eye can be an incredibly intimate moment. Still digesting it. Scary.

[stopdog]

The only time I look at the one I see is if I am angry. And then I can hold the gaze longer

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The only time I look at the one I see is if I am angry. And then I can hold the gaze longer

I bet you do!

I haven't had a staring contest, but I have gazed into her eyes.

[tinyrabbit]

I've recently started asking to sit side by side on the floor as I look away a lot and don't like to feel he is staring at me as I interpret it wrong.

I think not making eye contact is down to a sense of shame and/or attachment issues that relate back to how you bonded with your parents. You may have trouble reading facial expressions or be stressed out by them. If I look at my T, I just think any expression on his face is a sign of anger.

[Nelliecat]

I have but very rarely, I usually feel great discomfort looking her in the eyes. But when I did, I won

[LearningMe01]

This has been happening to me a lot lately! I've been seeing my T every week for over a year. We have a wonderful relationship and great rapport (she's around my age, still a phd student) but I feel like I'm starting to run out of things to say, and lord knows the T won't ever start the conversation...so we're been engaging in "staring contests" for the first few minutes of the session quite often. She usually wins, I'll either look away or start laughing. It's hard with her, because she doesn't just stare, but she also smiles while staring at me and looks like she's thinking "Ok girl , you can start talking anytime you want now" I find myself squirming uncomfortably in my chair, figiting with my earrings or hair and making "sighing" noises to try and break up some of the silence. Those staring contests are not fun

[QuietCat]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

Yeah, this has happened twice. I wouldn't call it a staring contest. We just looked at each other for what seemed like a really long time, but it was probably only a few seconds. Both of our expressions were neutral, but it was an extremely intimate moment. You might say he "held my gaze". Very powerful. I'm still not sure what was going on. But since we're working on my fear of intimacy, I guess it was in that area.

Now I know why so many of us avoid eye contact. Looking someone straight in the eye can be an incredibly intimate moment. Still digesting it. Scary.

Yes, like this. Even though there was some ambivalence on my side, it was also a strong emotional connection going on during those seconds.

[QuietCat]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The only time I look at the one I see is if I am angry. And then I can hold the gaze longer

I was feeling anger and I think that's why I was able to do it.

[tooski]

I can stare down just about anyone when I'm angry. Anger is a very powerful emotion. I've heard that you can't feel anger and fear at the same time, so in times of danger it's better to get angry because you have more power that way.

But looking into someone's eyes w/o anger .... it can be soooo revealing - on both sides. Hellllloooooo, intimacy! It must be why I have trouble with eye contact with T. I'm trying to hide things, and if I look directly at him I'm afraid he'll see into me. And also afraid of what I might see in him... That's why I'm so well acquainted with the pattern in his carpet.

[ReddClay]

Originally Posted by tooski

... That's why I'm so well acquainted with the pattern in his carpet.

Ha ha that is funny! I have done this a few times, and T always wins. One time recently T broke out into a big grin and it made me feel good. Made me wonder if I made T nervous or what it was that T was feeling. Maybe they feel the intimacy as much as we do.

My T has this other habit that when telling me "no" in an effort to put me ease (I.e. no, I am not frustrated with you or no, I would never do that), T just smiles and shakes their head no while telling me so in a reassuring voice. That about undoes me every time. If people could say no to me in real life just like that, it would be great!

[Mike_J]

My therapist used to try this with me, to just stare at me waiting for me to say something, didn't take her long to figure out that I can tolerate extended silences better than most people, including her.

And I actually enjoy gazing into her eyes.

[photostotake]

I usually am the first one to break when this happens between T and I. Now I've started asking T "So tell me what you're thinking." At first he laughed, but it has opened up some interesting conversations between the two of us.

My t and i could try to have a staring contest, but we would both end up in a fit of giggles.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My t and i could try to have a staring contest, but we would both end up in a fit of giggles.

That would be a better outcome than T always winning.