[tinyrabbit]

I started T in December. The session felt different today and I've realised I had a real sense of feeling contained, in quite a magical way, for the first time. I wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience. And I just feel like I need to tell it, I hope that's okay (I'm new).

I sometimes write things down on my phone for him to read if I can't say them. I did that this week, then kept talking instead of letting him read as it was something difficult.

Then I got up, stomped across the room like an angry toddler, and sat on the floor, which I'd been wanting to do for weeks. I was afraid he wouldn't offer to join me (I struggle to ask him for things) but he asked if I wanted him to sit with me.

He didn't laugh when I said I'd been so agitated about choosing somewhere new to sit, I'd actually looked at the photo of his therapy room on his website. He said he would have put better photos up if he'd known. It took me a moment to realise he wasn't making fun of me but was being completely serious.

He said he was torn as he wanted to read what I'd written, as it was important. "But then I won't be here, with you." He asked if he should read, or if I wanted to email it to him right then. I emailed it.

Then he said: "I want to know about your teeth. What's going on?" I mentioned a few weeks ago that I have to have some work done. There was something about him remembering and asking about it. It just felt so caring.

I found myself telling him something else, and about how it reminded me of some other things, and made me feel the same way as those things. I kept saying: "And because of X, I felt..." but I couldn't finish the sentence. I just kept saying: "I felt..." and trailing off.

The first few times I said it, he just stayed quiet and waited for me to finish. By the third time, I was crying. And then he nodded and said: "I understand." And in that moment, finally, I felt contained.

And now I keep thinking about how I'll have to stop therapy one day, and imagining how that loss is going to feel, and being afraid to let myself feel contained instead. Thanks, brain.

["Tilly may"]

wow, I can understand why you felt cared about. Your T seems sweet.

[Sannah]

I'm glad that you got to experience this.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

And now I keep thinking about how I'll have to stop therapy one day, and imagining how that loss is going to feel, and being afraid to let myself feel contained instead.

Now don't get the cart in front of the horse. Live in today instead of worrying about tomorrow. You will be in a different place in the future most likely and you will be able to move forward away from your therapist (just like all young adults do when they leave their parents).

[Wren_]

that is so wonderful you experienced that feeling of containment, reading through your experience was very powerful and in a way comforting knowing you were being taken care of by your T

be nice if we could stop and hold on to that instead of the worrying beginning wouldn't it

[tinyrabbit]

Thanks for the replies. Afraid there's no point applying logic to what I'm thinking now - it's the part of me that is resisting therapy right now because I'm afraid of being rejected and etc, and I just kind of have to work through it.

[granite1]

wow that sounds like an awsome session. i have had a few that have felt kind of that way

[pbutton]

That sounds like a great session. Your T makes me feel warm & fuzzy.

[adel34]

Hi,
welcome to pc!
Yes I've experienced this before. With my last therapist, I've felt that sense of being contained when facing strong emotions. It's a wonderful feeling! I wouldn't worry about therapy ending right now, it sounds like you two have just started and are on a good path that seems to be helping you open up and share things you never have before. Thanks for sharing with us.

[likelife]

What a wonderful experience! I'm glad that you were able to enjoy it without our brain immediately stepping in during the moment itself

[tinyrabbit]

Thanks for your replies, I tried to post and say so before but it doesn't seem to have shown up.

As to thinking about the end of T, that's just my fear of attaching and becoming emotionally dependent kicking in. It's not really about the end of T at all.