[Dreamy01]

Never mind.

Dreamy
Touch is so important to you and t knows this- that it is a comfort to you but yet she denies you of it for a good reason to protect you from rejection and abandonment. If she holds your hand this once will it really make you feel better? Maybe, but then what happens next time you need it and t is not there or not in a position to give it to you. You will feel hurt and rejected all over again.
I would feel the same too if my therapist was inconsistant, this is why boundaries are so important in therapy. Touch is a taboo and some therapists are afraid of it.
Your ts sudden change and one minute its ok to hold hands, next minute its not. Its not wonder therapy is so confusing at times.
Do you have any support in real life that you could get this need met? I know you said your parents didn't provide it but is there any other pereson you can get these needs met with?
Your need for a quick fix won't go away and I think you know this dreamy One hand hold isn't ever enough unfortunately and I am sorry for being so harsh and agreeing with t but this time I think she is right but the way she went about it was wrong and left you longing for more and this is natural, of course we all want our ts to make us better and hold our hands so don't feel ashamed as it is not your fault

Dreamy,
I am sorry if I upset you with my response; it was not my intention. I am very sorry. I hope you are ok?

[Dreamy01]

Thanks for your response Button. I'm not upset with you - I edited my post before I read yours.

I'm not okay but it isn't you, i'm just finding things really hard.

No I don't have anyone to get that need met from.

Dreamy , I am sorry you're T changed the rules... you need to talk about it. I like touch too.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by button30

Dreamy
Touch is so important to you and t knows this- that it is a comfort to you but yet she denies you of it for a good reason to protect you from rejection and abandonment. If she holds your hand this once will it really make you feel better? Maybe, but then what happens next time you need it and t is not there or not in a position to give it to you. You will feel hurt and rejected all over again.

Is this really the way therapy works? Life is tough so T must be tougher?

That makes me sad.

[Dreamy01]

I couldn't come back to this thread yesterday. Thanks for responding to it.

T didn't change the rules as such - she said a while back that she felt hand holding was pulling us both into something unhelpful and that she didn't feel able to hold my hand at that time, but she didn't say in so many words that she wasn't going to do it any longer. I suppose that has made the need linger in me but I like the fact she hasn't said 'no.' She said she acts on what feels appropriate for us both in the moment and that's why she hasn't drawn that boundary full stop. The fact she leaves it open helps me retain some sense of her care.

At times it HAS been helpful. A couple of the most healing theraputic moments were in fact when she was holding my hand because it has settled deep seated anxieties that have never resurfaced in the same way again.

I'm badly triggered at the moment and her decision yesterday hit hard. I can see what she means about not wanting to get pulled into something unhelpful since I'm working through issues relating to my parents but I felt it would have shown me some sense of her care and it would have settled things inside me again especially as our relationship has been unsettled lately.

Button I do see what you mean about feeling rejected but at the same time I've not wanted my hand held all the time. It comes up at random and I feel I've progressed enough to not be pulled back into the same messiness as before. I honestly feel that if my T had held my hand and then couldn't for whatever reason next time I will deal with it. In fact, I have dealt with that very scenerio before and even found myself agreeing with her that it wasn't helpful at that time. It really depends what place I'm in and yesterday I honestly feel it would have helped me to have contact with her. But I respect that's not what she felt.

Can't Explain I think I understand what you're saying. I too think that therapy shouldn't be about rejecting someone in order to avoid the feeling of rejection.