I ask because this week alone in class my t self disclosed something ver traumatic from her childhood after I told class about a reoccurring dream I have. This left me anxious, mad, sad and frankly all over the place, so I told new t about it and she said it was handled very badly and no wonder I felt anxious about it. We went on to discuss something else and then she self disclosed after saying how unprofessional the other t was, her self disclosure left me angry about what happened to her too.
My last session with old t she told me a lot too, about her sons and when they were growing up.
All of this makes me wonder why they do it? They must now it will hurt the client, surely this is not their intention. I wonder why they chose to tell me since I never ask them anything personal.
I am so confused over it all.

[photostotake]

I'm sorry button. I don't think your T had any idea that disclosing this information about herself would have this kind of impact on you. Or if she did, it was very insensitive of her to do so. Can't imagine the reasoning behind her doing so. Especially after saying that it was unprofessional of your old T to do it.

My T has shared a few struggles he has dealt with, with me. None of it has been anything too traumatic, but I believe it's been to show me that he's also flawed and is working on some things about himself too. While I'm working on my ED, he has told me about his own issues with his weight and about the healthy eating he's doing now to help himself. He self discloses quite often, but always in the context of helping me. I've never once felt like he was dumping his problems on me. I've always walked away from it with a new perspective on what I'm working with.

Perhaps you can share with her what impact this had on you at your next session. This sounds like it needs to be discussed as it sounds like it's had quite an impact on you.

Hi Photostake,
I think I need to talk about it next time too. It really got to me because it was so difficult to hear and I don't think I can look at her again now without thinking about this.
If it was something that helped me such as what your t told you, then yeah it would help but this didn't. I felt the need to protect her

Originally Posted by button30

Hi Photostake,
I think I need to talk about it next time too. It really got to me because it was so difficult to hear and I don't think I can look at her again now without thinking about this.
If it was something that helped me such as what your t told you, then yeah it would help but this didn't. I felt the need to protect her

I'ts understandable that it was upsetting to you. Your sessions need to be about you and what's going on.I think I would have reacted very similar. Where I'm at right now if my T disclosed about his life It would make me wonder about the relevance of him doing so. I think it might depend on where a person is at. If they reflect on their life's dilema's do they want us to empathize with them, how are we suppose to react. For me anyway this is what I would be thinking.
Warm Thoughts

[BlessedRhiannon]

I think that sometimes, a T disclosing something painful from their past can help to bring them closer to a client, and show that they can relate to what the client is going through. But, it only works sometimes. The T needs to be able to choose whom they disclose things to very carefully.

My T has never disclosed much of anything other than basic info to me...she knows that I would empathize too much and want to help her instead of focusing on me.

Button just address this with T, it actually sounds like you would prefer a "blank slate" there are many that don't, me included. Tell her you prefer she keep her personal details to herself.

[Anne2.0]

I have a T who engages in a lot of self disclosure, but it is not detailed or extensive or in any way seeking a response from me. This T and one other T have both disclosed traumatic events, again in a very low-detailed way and without me feeling any pull to feel sorry for them or focus on them or react in any way to their disclosure. I might have said I was sorry that happened to them or something like that, but neither one of them encouraged me to focus on them.

Did it serve me? I am not sure. I know it didn't hurt me or upset me. I am sad that my T's had to experience something traumatic, but it was clear from their disclosure that they are healed from it. I do work exclusively with people who have been very, very traumatized, so I am practiced at learning how to respond to these kinds of disclosures. If you want to be a T, then I think it might serve you to practice learning to respond to disclosures. I think beyond professional training, I think the world might be a better place if everyone could handle disclosures of trauma with sensitivity and an okay-ness about them. There would probably be less silencing of survivors if that were true.

I think like with everything else, if you have a negative reaction to whatever your T does or doesn't do, it's not really a matter of what's right or what's professional. The point is for you to be able to talk with your T about it, understand your own reaction, and maybe understand her purpose behind her action or statement. And whether this served you or will serve you in the future as a client depends on your goals in therapy and what or who you want to be.

[unaluna]

I think if you're going to t school, it's to be expected. I think the more important question is, why are you so surprised by this?

my t self-discloses rarely, but when she does it's helpful because she's very thoughtful about when she does it.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think if you're going to t school, it's to be expected. I think the more important question is, why are you so surprised by this?

Oh, Button, are you talking about something that occurred in class, not in your own personal T session?

I think you are, re-reading your original note. But I would echo hankster's point-- I would think it is part of your education and part of the job of your teachers to self disclose. If you can't handle your teacher disclosing, how are you going to react to clients' disclosures? I don't think that any of the "rules" that apply to your own personal therapy can be applicable to what you are supposed to be doing in your training for T school.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by button30

I felt the need to protect her

This would be a good place to focus IMO.

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

Oh, Button, are you talking about something that occurred in class, not in your own personal T session?

I think you are, re-reading your original note. But I would echo hankster's point-- I would think it is part of your education and part of the job of your teachers to self disclose. If you can't handle your teacher disclosing, how are you going to react to clients' disclosures? I don't think that any of the "rules" that apply to your own personal therapy can be applicable to what you are supposed to be doing in your training for T school.

It happened in my class but also with my two private therapists! Maybe I didn't explain it properly! I am only a few months into my class I am still learning about all of this. I was just looking for some support or guidance with this!
I won't be seeing clients for another four years but I don't think this is the right place for this!

The right place for support and not judgement, I think lately I am only annoying people on here and it doesn't feel very supportive at times. Not from everyone just a few people so thank you to everyone who has supported me in the past x

No it doesn't serve the client.

[tooski]

My T self-discloses quite a bit and always in context. I think he's doing it as part of relationship-building. When he discloses something personal, it makes me want to do the same. It draws me in and increases the intimacy. And because intimacy is one of the things I'm working on, I think this is the reason he does it. He didn't do it in the first few months, before we got into the intimacy problem.

I don't know if this is why all T's do it, but to me it's a really powerful thing. And it makes me wonder if the reason some people have strong reactions against it is because they do not want any intimacy with their t.

Anyway, just IMHO.

Intimacy is more than just sharing words, story's. it's sharing feelings. Self disclosure isn't always prove of that. Some can rattle off their entire life history without an ounce of feeling being had. Sitting in silence with someone can be more intimate then filling the room with talk. Perhaps listening to someone is a deflection from intimacy or a mistake for it??

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by button30

I ask because this week alone in class my t self disclosed something ver traumatic from her childhood after I told class about a reoccurring dream I have. This left me anxious, mad, sad and frankly all over the place, so I told new t about it and she said it was handled very badly and no wonder I felt anxious about it. We went on to discuss something else and then she self disclosed after saying how unprofessional the other t was, her self disclosure left me angry about what happened to her too.
My last session with old t she told me a lot too, about her sons and when they were growing up.
All of this makes me wonder why they do it? They must now it will hurt the client, surely this is not their intention. I wonder why they chose to tell me since I never ask them anything personal.
I am so confused over it all.

I think sometimes they don't realize how it will impact, and I think self-disclosure is rarely in the best interest of the client. One litmus test is that if it ever leaves the client feeling worried about the therapist, you can be sure it was not in the best interest of the client.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by button30

It happened in my class but also with my two private therapists!

I think that you were a student in this context, not a therapy client. What your T's disclosed and why and how is not relevant to your therapy, it's relevant to your training. I don't believe any parallels are to be drawn from this anecdote from your training.

But, that raises the issue of whether there is a conflict for you between your role as a student and your role as a therapy client with two (? I thought you were going to go with a new T, and stop seeing the old T) therapists? Perhaps you need to re-evaluate whether it is in your best therapeutic interest to be in school with the same therapists who teach you-- perhaps you need to consider getting a therapist who isn't also your teacher, or delaying school until you are finished with therapy. It's perfectly reasonable to discuss the effects of your training in your individual therapy, however that might be tough if your teachers are also your T's.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Intimacy is more than just sharing words, story's. it's sharing feelings. Self disclosure isn't always prove of that. Some can rattle off their entire life history without an ounce of feeling being had. Sitting in silence with someone can be more intimate then filling the room with talk. Perhaps listening to someone is a deflection from intimacy or a mistake for it??

You're right. Now that I think of it, my T discloses more than just facts. There are feelings there too, like talking about his only brother who has been institutionalized all his life for mental illness. Yes, it's sharing rather intimate stuff and feelings that creates that emotional intimacy. Thanks, earthmamma. I hadn't really seen that before.

[unaluna]

Button, I try to choose my words very carefully with you, because I really don't want to sound insulting or whatever. So when I asked why you were surprised, it's because that's what reminded me of how I felt. I felt surprised to hear people at work talk so openly to each other. Or my therapist to me. Because my family didn't really talk openly to me. But I didn't realize it, because they hid it from me. Anyway, I really didn't mean to not be supportive. Anne did do a better job of saying what I meant though.

Originally Posted by hankster

Button, I try to choose my words very carefully with you, because I really don't want to sound insulting or whatever. So when I asked why you were surprised, it's because that's what reminded me of how I felt. I felt surprised to hear people at work talk so openly to each other. Or my therapist to me. Because my family didn't really talk openly to me. But I didn't realize it, because they hid it from me. Anyway, I really didn't mean to not be supportive. Anne did do a better job of saying what I meant though.

Awe Hankster, I didn't mean you! I like reading your comments and I am sorry if you feel like you have to be careful with your words! That is my problem because I am sensitive. I understand about your family too, we never spoke openly either and everything was hidden and brushed under the carpet!

[CantExplain]

I really think Ts should adjust their level of disclosure to the needs of the patient.

(Don't get me started on who decides what the patient needs!)

Some patients, like myself, want more disclosure. Others want less.

[tinyrabbit]

My T doesn't tell me anything personal. I don't want to know. I especially don't want to know if he has children, as I think I would feel horribly jealous.

But he does talk about his own experiences in therapy if it's helpful to me, e.g. I said he seems to look much older in some sessions, depending on how old or young I feel in therapy that day, and he told me that, when he started personal therapy, he thought his T was much older than they were. That kind of disclosure is helpful to me.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I really think Ts should adjust their level of disclosure to the needs of the patient.

(Don't get me started on who decides what the patient needs!)

Some patients, like myself, want more disclosure. Others want less.

I think if they're good they probably do. I have no idea how my T is with other patients. But I do know he's very sensitive to my reactions to different things he does and will modify his behavior if I have a negative reaction, like him getting too physically close.

T didn't self-disclose until about 4 months in, and I remember the first time he told me something personal about himself. I was shocked!!! Seriously, it was uncomfortable. I remember that session well, and I think that was when the light bulb came on with him and he realized that I had a big problem with intimacy. And his treatment plan for that situation is to build intimacy into the therapeutic relationship, until the patient cracks. Or leaves. But I ain't leavin' until I've got myself figured out.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by tooski

T didn't self-disclose until about 4 months in, and I remember the first time he told me something personal about himself. I was shocked!!! Seriously, it was uncomfortable. I remember that session well, and I think that was when the light bulb came on with him and he realized that I had a big problem with intimacy. And his treatment plan for that situation is to build intimacy into the therapeutic relationship, until the patient cracks. Or leaves. But I ain't leavin' until I've got myself figured out.

Hello, my own light bulb. I'm sure that's why my sneaky male T has engaged in a fair amount of self disclosure with me. And he does this very deliberately as a GUY of all things, because he knows it is my explicit goal to be more emotionally intimate with my H. He's not just humanly disclosing, it is always himself as a man, either in relationship to his wife or some experience where his maleness is relevant.