[QuietCat]

Is it true that generally a person in long term therapy tends to either regress in age mentally when in sessions or to become more agressive?

T was telling me this is a normal thing that I feel like a kid when I'm around him lately. I always feel eternally 12 years old, but this is more pronounced in sessions.

I can't seem to find much info about this on the internets. I understand transference and all but is that what this is a result of? I see T as a father figure so I act like a kid more?

For me I believe we don't necessarily digress we just start to recognize our true age, and begin to grow.

[tinyrabbit]

I have only felt like my current adult self in therapy once. I think the parts of me that need therapy come out in session.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by QuietCat

Is it true that generally a person in long term therapy tends to either regress in age mentally when in sessions or to become more agressive?

T was telling me this is a normal thing that I feel like a kid when I'm around him lately. I always feel eternally 12 years old, but this is more pronounced in sessions.

I can't seem to find much info about this on the internets. I understand transference and all but is that what this is a result of? I see T as a father figure so I act like a kid more?

Attachment to Your Therapist

tooski posted the link to this article in Cant Explain's thread "Cant Change T". I can relate to it and to what you say about feeling like a child in therapy. It's very hard for me to be there as an adult and feel like a child, and have the feelings, needs, fears like a child. That state is with me when I leave therapy too sometimes.

I believe I live in a constant struggle between Big and Little Lola.

[Perna]

I don't think it is that simple. We are all of our experiences, those that we experienced when we were 3 and those we experienced when we were 13, 23 33, etc.

But, when an experience happens to us, we only have our previous experiences, genetic dispositions/intelligence, and developmental stage to help us. I "lost" a bridge when I was 2 because the stream curved through the neighborhood backyards and I was too young, developmentally, to understand/judge what could have happened; you've probably seen the Piaget experiments he did on his own kids? Piaget Cognitive Stages of Development.

I can still remember and re-experience the anger and puzzlement I felt; I knew the bridge had to be there and what direction it was in, etc. Conclusion? Someone had to have moved it But I was helpless to get across the stream (too big to jump and I couldn't take my socks and shoes off and wade it because of the sea monster that might get me :-)

I know about things being around corners now but did you catch the sea monster reference? It was only 10 years ago, in therapy, that I was thinking about the Dr. Suess' book, McElligot's Pool, how it was my favorite book when I was 2 and I went out and bought it 10 years ago and was sharing it with my therapist and we were both shocked to find the "sea monster" at the end, was a friendly, happy-looking whale! Our further discussion of my life when I was 2 made it all make sense and "fixed" a few mis-perceptions (other than the bridge being stolen :-)

We have to "go back" and re-work the experiences that tripped us up before, for whatever reason they tripped us up. Kids are notorious for getting things wrong and jumping to incorrect conclusions so there is a lot we grew up thinking that ain't necessarily so? My stepmother once apologized in my late teens/early 20's for treating me so harshly in my early teens and explained she had had a difficult menopause. At the time, I still did not "understand" but, at 62, I do now? It is often very helpful to wander back and forth like that, scan for possible misperceptions and "you'll understand when you get that age" sorts of experiences, even after therapy.

[likelife]

I very often feel like a child in therapy. I think there's a part of it that's about longing from my T for the things I didn't get as a kid and another part that feels like the powerless kid I was. Neither is very appealing.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

I've never felt like a child. Not even when I was one. I was always an adult waiting for my body to catch up. Now, that's not to say I haven't acted like a child! Have not! Have to!

I don't think of T as mother, tho she has certainly tought me more than my own did, nor do I think of myself as child (tho she calls me kiddo). But I do long for her attention, which I consider childlike, and am a little bit bothered that she sees other women and probably calls them kiddo too.

Now that I write this out, I sound more confused than I feel!

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I believe I live in a constant struggle between Big and Little Lola.

me too! thanks for sharing

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by QuietCat

Is it true that generally a person in long term therapy tends to either regress in age mentally when in sessions or to become more agressive?

T was telling me this is a normal thing that I feel like a kid when I'm around him lately. I always feel eternally 12 years old, but this is more pronounced in sessions.

I can't seem to find much info about this on the internets. I understand transference and all but is that what this is a result of? I see T as a father figure so I act like a kid more?

I think I've taken on a more 'childlike' persona at times with my therapist when I feel vulnerable for whatever reason and also when I just want to feel protected by him. He will often respond more tenderly at these times and I think, maybe on an unconscious level, this is what I'm trying to elicit from him.

This actually doesn't happen much anymore, but did a lot more towards the beginning of therapy, maybe because at that time I was mortally terrified of the relationship, and I needed to be reassured -through this child-like dynamic- that he was safe. That said, I think it's possible to stay 'stuck' in that state, possible for it to hinder therapy after a while, although this would probably depend on the person and their therapy.

As someone mentioned, if I understood it right, especially maybe for those of us with many years behind us, we may weave in and out of different 'ages,' (or personas, etc.) including adolescent and adult ones from different times in our lives -although I think all of these are part of and integral to each person, our identity, not separate (unless I guess if you have DID).

Yes, I now often slip into a child state when in therapy. Yes, I have got more and more aggressive. I've been in therapy just short of 2 years, and most of this has been happening prominently within the last 7 months or so. If you'd have told me this time last year I would talk to my beloved therapist the way I have recently, I would have been shocked, wouldn't have believed it. I think, think, I am coming through it now, hopefully learning to deal with it better, but I've had such problems with it. T, too. We've had such ruptures. Almost terminated. It's reassuring that others experience this and that it's possible to get to the other side. Therapy can be so painful sometimes, and when caught up in these old wounds, these childhood feelings, it can seem like you've stepped backward, which can be discouraging to say the least. Seems like you just have to hang in there until you grow out of it

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Attachment to Your Therapist

tooski posted the link to this article in Cant Explain's thread "Cant Change T". I can relate to it and to what you say about feeling like a child in therapy. It's very hard for me to be there as an adult and feel like a child, and have the feelings, needs, fears like a child. That state is with me when I leave therapy too sometimes.

That's a great article. I relate, and breathe a sigh of relief!

[wills11]

After reading all of these I'm starting to wonder what goes on inside of me/in my sessions.

I've never felt like a kid, or had an attachment or needing attention from my T.

Actually, I usually feel like I'm older than I actually am. Like I'm looking at myself from a different perspective, even though I may actually not be. Like I'm this person talking about my experiences and problems, even current ones, like when you talk to someone old and they're always saying things like "well in my life...." or "in my experience..."

Maybe a different way to say it is that I feel like I'm on a talk show or something. Like I'm Jay Leno's guest and I'm being interviewed and telling stories or bits and pieces of myself. A little bit insight, a little bit issues, some pain, some humor... I've even thought about this before - that it's probably strange :-/

[QuietCat]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Attachment to Your Therapist

tooski posted the link to this article in Cant Explain's thread "Cant Change T". I can relate to it and to what you say about feeling like a child in therapy. It's very hard for me to be there as an adult and feel like a child, and have the feelings, needs, fears like a child. That state is with me when I leave therapy too sometimes.

Thanks. The link explains a lot.

[wills11]

^^^ Ok, maybe to add something else to what I had just posted...

I always find myself looking forward to my sessions. Like the day after I've just had one it's like I just can't wait... 6 days is far too long.

Maybe it's because I have nothing else going on in my life socially. As in friends or family members to talk to, no real social outings, just kind of sorting out my own life and my thoughts. That kind of thing.

Which this is also strange because I usually leave my sessions feeling utterly frustrated - as if nothing was accomplished and I didn't get to address the things I had planned during the week.

[QuietCat]

Originally Posted by wills11

After reading all of these I'm starting to wonder what goes on inside of me/in my sessions.

I've never felt like a kid, or had an attachment or needing attention from my T.

Actually, I usually feel like I'm older than I actually am. Like I'm looking at myself from a different perspective, even though I may actually not be. Like I'm this person talking about my experiences and problems, even current ones, like when you talk to someone old and they're always saying things like "well in my life...." or "in my experience..."

Maybe a different way to say it is that I feel like I'm on a talk show or something. Like I'm Jay Leno's guest and I'm being interviewed and telling stories or bits and pieces of myself. A little bit insight, a little bit issues, some pain, some humor... I've even thought about this before - that it's probably strange :-/

My T said that some people feel younger in therapy and some people feel older. So maybe you're one of those "feel older" types.

[stopdog]

I am not sure I feel like a child but I do feel frozen and inarticulate. Like I cannot convey what I am trying to and that I cannot understand what the woman is trying to convey to me. It is quite frustrating.

Wills11, I relate to what you've posted. I remember feeling like a talk show guest those first few months of my therapy... Don't worry, needy childhood attachment issues could be in your future..

[wills11]

Originally Posted by QuietCat

My T said that some people feel younger in therapy and some people feel older. So maybe you're one of those "feel older" types.

I suppose that could be it. I'm just one of those "older people types."

Maybe it's also my defense mechanism to not absolutely breakdown. Sort of like trivializing it in a way?

Either way...

[wills11]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am not sure I feel like a child but I do feel frozen and inarticulate. Like I cannot convey what I am trying to and that I cannot understand what the woman is trying to convey to me. It is quite frustrating.

I can completely identify with the first half of this. I have unsurmountable empathy and awareness of the world. I can express anything into beautiful words and paint pictures and scenes. I'll admit that. ...But when it comes to myself I feel absolutely incompetent.

But this is actually something I'm trying to work on. I've avoided my own problems my entire life for various reasons. Most importantly, I never learned or had an environment in which I could express my emotions and feelings and translate them into healthy thoughts and actions. So it's been something I just avoid. I'm known for being vague and "mysterious" in my own life.

The most important step in expressing myself in therapy has been to take ownership of what I'm trying to "translate." I've always replaced words like me and my with you and your. This usually happens when I'm explaining a way I feel and act in some sort of metaphor - yet another speciality of trying to get someone to understand. Saying personally possessive words felt really uncomfortable at first. It still does sometimes but I've started doing a lot more without thinking about it. But even now and then I'll hear a generalized word slip out (i.e. your, they) and I'll stop and rephrase it. It's definitely helping me at least understand my tendencies a bit more and think about how people might not always understand what I'm saying. If nothing else, it helps me be more aware of what I want to say and how I'm going to say it.

Not sure if any of this is your problem. But maybe someone will stumble across this and find it useful LOL

[wills11]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

Wills11, I relate to what you've posted. I remember feeling like a talk show guest those first few months of my therapy... Don't worry, needy childhood attachment issues could be in your future..

I wonder what we would be like on a talk show together! HAHA!

Maybe the needed child is somewhere in my future. I'd be quite surprised though since I've always strived to be independent and carried that "chip on my shoulder."

If anything, the pissed off and resentful child is in my future... coming back to say all the things he never did. Hello Chuckie.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think it is that simple. We are all of our experiences, those that we experienced when we were 3 and those we experienced when we were 13, 23 33, etc.

My T said this to me. That we are a constellation of ourselves at different times, and other people who have influenced us (parents etc).

I'm amazed at how childlike I can be in therapy. I wanted to start sitting on the floor and couldn't seem to move from my chair. Instead of politely telling my T I wanted to move, I got up, said: "I am GOING to sit on the floor, stomped across the room and say down with a scowl on my face!

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by QuietCat

Is it true that generally a person in long term therapy tends to either regress in age mentally when in sessions or to become more agressive?

T was telling me this is a normal thing that I feel like a kid when I'm around him lately. I always feel eternally 12 years old, but this is more pronounced in sessions.

I can't seem to find much info about this on the internets. I understand transference and all but is that what this is a result of? I see T as a father figure so I act like a kid more?

This is a fascinating post.

My T is always telling me that I've regressed back to my teenage self.

When I went through a crisis, afterwards she told me that I had reverted back to a baby in regards to my language.

[nonamecomestomind]

Jumping back a bit in this thread, ECHOES and tooski thanks so much for the link to "Moments of Change" blog site. I am enjoying browsing, reading so much and he gives great links to.

[refika]

I have definitely found myself to be acting more childlike in therapy. The first time I was aware of it, I actually had flashbacks to when I was a child wanting to curl up and hide in myself from being ashamed at something.