How do you react....

...When your T asks a question and it brings up a lot of shame and rejection or any negative emotion that overwhelms you? Last night T asked a very run of the mill question, but I just felt my inside shut down, my mind go blank, and my body temp go up by about 10 degrees. It renders me mute, and I can't talk. It felt like a sci if film where the core reactor goes offline!

Does this happen to anyone else?

I need to tell T about this in my next session, I think.

I start crying. He switches gears some and is supportive and accepting. Sometimes we talk around it. Sometimes we talk about what's going on. Sometimes I just cry. One of the nice things about IFS work is you can talk about the parts in you, that aren't you, so it puts some distance between me and the shame I'm feeling. (Usually shame is involved for me when I'm overwhelmed.)

What does IFS stand for?

This happens to me sometimes. I feel a wall go up inside and it's like I automatically turn my off my feelings. i close my T out. I usually subtly (or not so subtly lol) stop my train of thought and try to move out of that moment. My T always notices and points it out. Can't get anything past him I guess /:

Internal Family Systems. Fascinating approach. My therapist uses it along with EMDR.

Not a fan of those moments when T hits a topic like that. I instantly start to feel feverish and I know my face gets red. I usually blink a million blinks a minute to prevent tears from falling, though it rarely helps. I stutter, too. Ts used to it now, thankfully, and gently brings me back to earth.

I just tell the woman I am not going to talk about it and move on.

I usually start to fidget, talk quietly, and give one or two word answers. This is totally opposite of me as I'm not fidgety unless I'm uncomfortable and talk average to a little loud and quite a bit. Yeah, I know my T can tell when I'm uncomfortable for sure!

Usually my response is "uh, no!" And then silents. Followed by "what do you want me to say? I don't know. I don't want to talk about this." Silents. T "you know you should. .." or notes and change of topic.

I can feel myself getting all fidgety and I feel like running away.

My T is really careful about asking questions, and generally only asks about things I've brought up. But sometimes he says things that freak me out, for whatever reason. I usually just go completely quiet and tense up.

I also have a well up inside of me and I go bright red.
I feel myself shutting down to suppress the emotions. As I go bright red, my T doesn't miss it. We usually sit in silence for a while for me to say something and if I don't, she slowly starts talking to get me to express what I'm feeling.

While these moments are not "pleasant" I "enjoy" them, as I know it's the start of healing

As time goes on I find sessions more and more intolerable. I feel a lump in my throat, my eyes go watery, I can barely breathe or get words out. My muscles tense up, I feel nauseous. The walls close in, I get overwhelmed, flooded, triggered, anything bad associated with the topic comes into my memory in full force. I do not feel comforted. Nothing is resolved. Then time is up and I go home a total mess.

i go silent and freeze.
after abit t asks should i wait for your answer. and i say yeah.
and the silence and freezing continues.
he eventually goes on.