Nothing works.

I've been in therapy for almost 2.5 years and have been taking medication and nothing works. I just don't see the point anymore. There is nothing my T can tell me that she hasn't told me before and none of works anyway. My T has even told me that I am always going to have symptoms of depression/anxiety so why should I spend all this time and money on treating something that is never going to go away? I have a choice of living the rest of my life miserable or killing myself. I'm not keen on either though so now I am just stuck here. My T goes on maternity leave in a couple of months so when she does I am just going to quit therapy. I am also going to see my Pdoc about getting of these useless meds. I'm done.

Sorry to hear it all feels a bit pointless at the moment, retro_chick.
What type of therapy are you having? I felt exactly the same as you do, when i was having CBT. That type of therapy doesn't work for me AT ALL! My T told me the same thing, that i would always feel this way, but that i would be able to 'manage it better'..not what i wanted to hear!

I quit her, and found the T i am seeing now. She is an integrative therapist, and is helping me to get to the core reason why i have had such depression (and other issues). I FINALLY feel like it's working!

Maybe you need a change of therapeutic approach?

I cant advise you about the meds, as i dont believe they work for me, so i dont take any. But maybe you need to change your meds too?

I have tried CBT with a previous therapist and it didn't really solve anything much. I am doing ACT with my current T and I don't think that is working either. I am honestly so sick of therapy. My previous T left to go on maternity leave as well and never returned. My current T and Pdoc are both on some sort of leave right now. I am so over it.

Hello retro_chic,

I can see why you are disheartened if you have had T's leave for various reasons.

The time to give up therapy is when you feel at peace with yourself, when you have discussed all you have ever needed to talk about, when you feel able to cope and feel you have enough tools in your tool box to deal with the ups and downs. You don't sound ready to do that just yet. Two and a half years of therapy is a short time depending on all the issues you feel you need to deal with. As a previous poster has said, it may be that you need a more eclectic therapy, there will be a type of therapy or therapist that will fit your needs, I'm sorry it seems such a long haul and seems pointless right now. Please look into carrying on your therapy, life does not need to be so hard. Hugs

I am just reading your last response, and this part jumped out at me. I am wondering if THIS is what is really bothering you?
I don't at all mean to dismiss everything else that you have said in your posts,but in all honestly i'd feel like giving up if every 'professional' i saw went on leave when i needed the support in moving forward.

Yeah, I know this is part of it but I also was thinking the other day that my symptoms have not reduced at all. I do have periods of 2-4 weeks of feeling "okay" but overall I still feel the same, if not worse than I did when I started therapy. I think I just need to take a break for a while or something. I want to ask my T to "never leave me" but obviously that is unreasonable. She has her own life and child to give birth to. I am just a job.

retro chic, maybe you feel you don't want to continue because deep down inside you can't tell if the meds are working. They may be working and things are going to get better, you just don't notice the difference, but you may be becoming stabelized. i notice if i forget a med, i can't tell until it starts getting bad again. i understand that may maybe you think you're losing your T too. That can be a lonely feeling. Well I hope you can keep your T after she's ready to come back, or in the meantime, find a new good one.

My T is going to be gone for at least 6 months so I doubt I would return to seeing her and as I was saying, I really don't want to deal with more therapy. It is all too hard right now.

I know the meds I am on are doing nothing. I don't feel any different being on them and I am already taking more than the recommended dosage so I can't really increase them anymore. I need to make an appointment with my Pdoc and discuss tapering off them so I can stop wasting my money.

I just wanted to say I totally and completely get this. In fact, substitute the 2.5 years of therapy and replace anxiety with eating disorder youcompletely captured the hopelessness I feel with making meaningful change. Maybe I shouldn't have even responded to your post, as I don't have anything insightful to add, but I can sympathize with the feeling.

Is there any chance you would consider seeing a male therapist instead? At least you'd be less likely he'd go on maternity leave.

Well, "symptoms of depression and anxiety" may still be there, but reduced. It looks like your therapy works on your reaction/response to the feelings rather than getting rid of them. Valuable coping skills could be involved, but it sounds like you expected a lot more and maybe aren't even getting any relief - no change. Therapy was useless for me, but I couldn't really tell you what kind it was, either. Just saying I hear you, though I have no solutions.

Therapy takes time as I am sure you know retro chic
I think if your symptoms have lessened its a great way of knowing your therapy is working but that maybe your therapists aren't working for you .
I would feel abandoned over and over and feel hopeless too if they kept going on maternity, Hence, anxiety and depression over this situation. Someone suggested seeing a male therapist, would you consider that or an older lady maybe, would that help?

Symptoms can be managed better or worser :-) Therapy often is a way to learn to manage them better if they cannot be helped to be less needed in the first place.

I enjoy imagining what else there can be than my either/or thinking. I found a whole life to enjoy between misery and killing myself; they are not the only options or even the only dichotomy I explored.

I am sorry your T is going on maternity leave, that would be an added stress for me but I guess I would make a project of it, use the "space" she is gone to see what I could come up with to help myself. When my T was away for 4-5 months my last year of seeing her, I decided to write a book, a novelized autobiography to give her when she got back, the story of my life and what I had been through and how I had struggled and changed. I did not write it at that time (started another couple novels "like" it) but did write the real deal a couple years later.

I believe we keep moving forward, whether it feels like it or not, and with that forward movement (time is a moving sidewalk?) comes new opportunities and experiences, any of which might hold the key to helping us.

I know it seems hopeless right now, and worse that both providers are leaving at a time when you are not in a good place. I imagine in the situation you're in it must be hard to see any improvement you may have experienced over the years --but maybe there have been small changes? I try and think in terms of baby steps, to expect huge change in a relatively short period of time can be overwhelming.

My understanding is that ACT is a kind of behavioral therapy, in any case similar in some ways to CBT. I think it might be useful to look into a different type of therapy -perhaps a talk therapy where the emphasis is not entirely on behavior and thoughts. I know it must be very hard to look around right now, but I'd strongly encourage it, make sure you have something in place for when your therapist goes on leave.

((Retrochic))

Five years ago this was me. And I'm mostly happy now.

That must have been very discouraging to hear.

But when you are depressed, you see the world through dark glasses. She might not have have meant as black a picture as you heard.

Good luck, and stay tuned. There is a lot of support here on PC.

I never encourage people to quit meds.

BUT....I did it last year because nothing was working. I got to the point where I needed to see what baseline is. So, if you discuss with your pdoc this option, of figuring out what is you and what is side effects from the meds you can wipe the slate clean and get a fresh start. Meds don't work for everyone. Please only do it with pdoc's help though.

If my therapist took 6 months maternity leave, or 6 months leave for whatever reason, I would quit them for sure. 6 months is a long time to suspend therapy with anyone.

How *could* therapy work with that hanging over your head.

Honesty from both parties is very important in therapy and your therapist may be exactly right - you may experience symptoms of depression and anxiety for the rest of your life.

However, hope is another keystone of therapy. Yes, you may experience symptoms, but if it's not a life sentence. Feeling horrible or killing yourself are not the only two options in play.

They way you feel about the symptoms, your coping mechanisms, or even strategies to manage them, should fall out of therapy. Your life can and will get better.

We all get frustrated and howl at the moon sometimes. I do see, however, some flags in this therapy do not foster hope though.

Things can be very different with another therapist. One that's around perhaps.

For depression and anxiety, I had a lot of luch with psychodynamic therapy.

Good luck to you.

Thank you everyone for the replies. I have been thinking about tapering off my meds for a while but unfortunately my Pdoc doesn't return from her leave until 13 June so until then, I can't do anything.

I think that once my T goes on her maternity leave, I will take a bit of a break from therapy for a while. I just really can not deal with it anymore. I have been working through transference issues with T and I think that is part of why I am struggling so much right now. I keep flipping between being upset with my T and then feeling overly attached to her. I have no idea what is going on anymore.

I hope you are able to find a peaceful solution.