Difficult times in therapy..

Hello all,
Me again, hope everyone is good.

So after ditching my old T who frankly was a cowboy, I got me another T who has been good, been seeing her for the past 7/8 weeks every other week..

However the last two sessions including the one I just returned from today have been not amazing..

Reason being that i've not been feeling amazing for the past month, I feel like i'm at an all time low, I can't concentrate and I just feel everything is getting closer to that point of depression that I don't wanna go back to.

My T always ask me the usual such as sui thoughts etc and I just can't verbalise how bad I feel, I just seem to put on a normal face and she is pretty convinced, but to be fair to her she's not a mind reader. When she asks me these Qs I always feel awkward because i'm not being completely honest with her.

I also can't concentrate in sessions, the sessions are quite heavy as its CBT so lots of theory and explaining to do, and I zone out quite abit..

I do want to see her weekly, money isn't the object in regards to that but I don't know how to tell her..

Final thing is my T booked another client in my slot, and its a little frustrating to be told that I won't be seen for 3 weeks because someone else is in my slot..

Don't get me wrong, I consider her to be great, I don't necessarily feel that we have a connection as of yet but working on that...but me not being able to pull it together is really hindering my progress..

I don't even know what I want from posting this, I just maybe need some advice on how to man up and open up to my T, because right about now I just feel to say to her that I wanna go on a months break because i'm frustrating myself with how i'm handling therapy and I because I just can't cope with how i'm feeling at the moment.

Any words of advice as always are appreciated.

Hi,Oski
I feel your frustration...so huggggggs to you:-) I am far from an expert but I get a feeling that deep down you really want to be in therapy but that these feelings that you have are making it difficult to go. I know how hard it is to be completely honest with your T but as you build a relationship with her trust will come....I have been there and after four months of therapy I am finally beginning to trust her. Also, I know how it feels to be told that someone else is going in your slot....please talk to her about that, I did when it happened to me and everything was resolved to my satisfaction...but you need to be honest about how that made you feel!! Hang in there, be as open with your T as you can...it will help to develop a good understanding between you both and your therapeutic relationship:-)

I started by telling him that I don't do a very good job of explaining when I feel bad. I said I tend to always say and act like I am fine. He helped me from there.

Thanks for the replies guys, I will try that..
Think i'm gonna take that break though, I feel I need to regain my therapy focus.

I think we (and Ts) underestimate the value of breaks.

U have to stop fighting with yourself in your approach to therapy..

Your T has not only to see u but other people seeking her help.

What u need to do is find a way to convince yourself to accept the situation as it is and look for positive ways to distract your mind in between sessions with your T. With your present attitude about your relationship with your T you are doing yourself a serious disservice.

Don't lean on your too to the point that u find your situation helpless if you cant's see your T at your convience! Mental health does not work that way and u should be aware of it. Instead look deep inside your soul through meditation and/or prayer.

The majority of the work involved in getting yourself better is on your shoulders.... not your Ts......She is there to guide u but u are the driver!
Get yourself in the right direction and everything will fall into
the right place.