Internalizing the T

This morning I went to work just in the worst mood, crying all the way there in the car, stressing myself out unbelievably much over not being "perfect". So I sorta sucked it up and started taking calls and on my first break, sat myself down, allowed myself to feel, and then wrote my feelings. And something pretty darn cool happened. I finished what was basically a tirade by writing "Stomping my feet as usual and saying why is it always ME that has to change?"

No sooner than I close the question with a quotation mark, I hear loud and clear in my head T's voice saying "Because, my dear, YOU are the only one you CAN change."

and

I think that is very cool. In Buddha's Brain, the author recommends bringing to mind someone who cares about you as you're thinking about a stressful situation. It can change the synapses and neurology of your brain.

I do think that is one of the goals of therapy, though, to internalize how to treat yourself with compassion and understanding, that the T models.

And it seems to me that it's a good thing that you can be the one to change, that you repeatedly take the opportunities that the universe is offering you to change. Changing benefits you, even if others who are not working as hard also benefit as a side effect.

Thanks for sharing this.

Yes that's great. Later on a feeling of comforting that 'part' of you that felt the need to stamp feet comes out too. That's the real internalisation.

Thanks Anne2.0 and _Mouse, I'm going to look for that book Buddha's Brain it sounds fascinating. I just love this stuff. _Mouse, I look forward to the feeling of the internal teenager stomping her feet being comforted - right now though, it was enough just to hear t's voice saying that, it shook me outta my lil pity party that's for sure! Now I need to go rustle up some breakfast and head to work.

I guess I've internalised therapy to the point where it no longer seems to be someone else's voice.

That's the goal, right?

Oh I hear him in my head all the time.

Yes, that's the goal! I emailed what my T would have told me, and I think she'll wonder if she answered me after all!

Internalizing the T also means we have all of T's "good stuff" that she gave us, inside of us. It means we have the caring she gave us, the validation, the smiles, the empathy, the love. We have it all and can visualize it any time we need to. That's the goal. I'm working on it.

Things my therapist would say always come to mind whenever I am ruminating or being introspective. This makes me laugh or smile to myself, because I know it's exactly how she would respond.

Yup. I still get "Not with THAT attitude!" in my head in T's best, acerbic voice when I'm trying to feel sorry for myself