Home Menu

Menu



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
peridot28
Member
 
peridot28's Avatar
 
Member Since Jan 2011
Posts: 258
13
114 hugs
given
Question May 10, 2013 at 04:10 AM
  #1
Do you ever feel like no one really understands your pain, not even your therapist (on occasion, for me)? Are there times when you think you're doing a good job of explaining how you feel, (judging by the look on people's faces and/or their affirming sighs), and you get a "but...." where they go on to tell you how wrong you are about your own feelings and proceed to tell you just how you should get over them? I've been feeling like that for a few months.

My therapist is amazing, but sometimes she gets on my nerves, which is not often, but she can jump all over the last nerve I have left. It feels like she's wearing stilettos while she's jumping, too.

I'm a christian, but if I hear another person quote another scripture to me or tell me "God will...", I swear, I'm going to punch somebody. Actually, today I got so angry at someone who was on positive-thoughts-overload that I punched the brick wall near their gate as I left their house. They didn't see me do it. I didn't feel a thing when I did it. I have so much anger built up inside, and I feel like I can't tell anyone.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

Last edited by peridot28; May 10, 2013 at 04:14 AM.. Reason: spelling error
peridot28 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
anilam, Anonymous200320, Anonymous33425, Anonymous58205, daisy001, FourRedheads, ready2makenice, suzzie, tinyrabbit, ~EnlightenMe~
 
Thanks for this!
Lamplighter, ultramar

advertisement
growlycat
Therapy Ninja
 
growlycat's Avatar
 
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: How did I get here?
Posts: 10,308
17
16.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 04:37 AM
  #2
I just had this problem with my T--I tried to explain that it was as if my hand had a gaping bleeding wound and he was just standing there lecturing me about my hand's circulatory system. Insight is useless when the pain is so intense.
growlycat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Inner_Firefly, Lamplighter, likelife
anilam
Grand Poohbah
 
anilam's Avatar
 
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Middle of Nowhere
Posts: 1,806
13
743 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 04:57 AM
  #3
Got this problem with my mum. I love her and know she loves me too.
I dont know why, but whenever we tried to speak about my problems/what had happened to me it just got worse. Yeah, she too came up with the open yourself to God and he will help you (god knows I've spent nights praying when I was a child and it didnt help a bit), accept it, don't think about it, think about something positive... Anyway, I felt so frustrated (plus it deepened my it's-all-my-fault thinking).
i've learned not to speak about this with her and find a T who understands and can help calm me down when I feel that way. IDK how he does it but it works and I do feel better after speaking to him- great relieve.
Cant imagine not getting that even from my T...
anilam is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
CantExplain
Big Poppa
 
CantExplain's Avatar
 
Member Since Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!)
13
19.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 05:41 AM
  #4
There were times when Madame T didn't seem to hear me at all.

__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc.

Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
CantExplain is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
likelife
Poohbah
 
likelife's Avatar
 
Member Since Feb 2012
Posts: 1,408
12
401 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 09:29 AM
  #5
My H tries to hear me sometimes, but he will openly acknowledge not understanding at all. And he will say things like, "Well, why don't you just stop thinking about it?"

I don't know if you deal with depression, but I found this bloody brilliant, and it kind of gets at the idea of the obnoxiousness of people spewing random positivity:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co...t-two.html?m=1
likelife is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
~EnlightenMe~
 
Thanks for this!
Lamplighter, ~EnlightenMe~
Anonymous47147
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 10, 2013 at 10:32 AM
  #6
Yep i feel this way all the time by my husband

And the other night t and i were having an intense discussion, and we were BOTH yelling at each other "youre not listening to me!" "i AM listening, youre not listening!"
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
CantExplain, growlycat
 
Thanks for this!
growlycat
Lamplighter
Grand Member
 
Lamplighter's Avatar
 
Member Since Mar 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 929
14
1,508 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 01:23 PM
  #7
All the time! It's my chief refrain - I'm not being heard, not being understood. And Ts are the biggest culprits (I've seen many Ts in the course of my therapy career) despite what I think is exceptional clarity and lucidity on my part in explaining myself .

It especially winds me up to get that 'but'. Not being heard and understood, that 'just' causes pain, but when I get lectured (even if well intentioned) about how I'm wrong or that I ought to do this that or the other - well yeah then I become very very frustrated and angry .

But then I have a lot of resentment anger and rage built up over the decades, for many many different reasons - so this kind of thing is just one more red flag to my anger bull.

Peridot can I ask, how do you deal with your anger, what do you do with it? Mine just sits there destroying me from the inside out .

Torn

__________________
Somebody must have made a false accusation against Josef K, for he was arrested one morning without having done anything wrong. (The Trial, Franz Kafka)


Lamplighter used to be Torn Mind
Lamplighter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
content30
Veteran Member
 
Member Since Jan 2013
Posts: 607
11
92 hugs
given
Default May 10, 2013 at 01:28 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by likelife View Post
My H tries to hear me sometimes, but he will openly acknowledge not understanding at all. And he will say things like, "Well, why don't you just stop thinking about it?"

I don't know if you deal with depression, but I found this bloody brilliant, and it kind of gets at the idea of the obnoxiousness of people spewing random positivity:

Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two
Omg! I love this! I saw this the other day! I even printed it out to give to my T! I really recommend this to everyone! There is Depression and a part two. I highly recommend both!
content30 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
growlycat, likelife
Perna
Pandita-in-training
 
Perna's Avatar
 
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289 (SuperPoster!)
18
550 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 02:47 PM
  #9
I know that anger where people interrupt and/or obviously don't get it when I do get it out and they "should".

Make sure when you are talking about feelings that you say, "I feel. . ." and then use feeling words. List of Feeling Words Then gently correct people who try to tell you how you should feel or who try to tell you that you do/do not feel the way you feel, etc.

"You shouldn't feel sad, blah, blah, blah"
"That may be true, but I do feel sad."
"Well the Bible says, "A joyful heart makes a cheerful face", it works in reverse too, if you would only smile more you would feel better.
"I do not feel like smiling right now, but thank you for you advice."

Or,

"Maybe I will try that, thank you for your advice." (give them a sickly smile and walk away)

However, often when other people, especially T's negate what we say we feel, they are actually just giving their perception of us and that is "more valuable than gold". Just like another person cannot say we do/do not feel happy, sad, angry, hurt, anxious, etc. we cannot say how we look to them. And, to make matters worse, if they say, "You are not worthless" then, logically, we have to accept that since if we are of worth to them, then we cannot be worthless. If we insist on being worthless, we are calling them liars. Rock and a hard place.

If I were you, when your T or someone says, "You are not ______" take the word and ask them to give you concrete examples of how they see you as not ______. I have turned my thinking and perceptions around many times by taking the word of someone I love and/or trust and just arbitrarily deciding I'll agree with that view (take it on faith :-) instead of my own negative one. Over time, I start looking for the new actions that show I am not the negative but the positive instead.

__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
Perna is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
~EnlightenMe~
Magnate
 
~EnlightenMe~'s Avatar
 
Member Since Aug 2009
Location: The Abyss
Posts: 2,692
15
2,917 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 04:22 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by likelife View Post
My H tries to hear me sometimes, but he will openly acknowledge not understanding at all. And he will say things like, "Well, why don't you just stop thinking about it?"

I don't know if you deal with depression, but I found this bloody brilliant, and it kind of gets at the idea of the obnoxiousness of people spewing random positivity:

Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two

OMG Lifelike, I am so glad you shared this with me. I totally get the facial expression thing, it happened with me the other day at work. And I started laughing at something that happened in therapy that could have been just humiliating, and I did feel that way at first, but then I felt like it was so hilarious. That was brilliant and I totally relate. Whoever posted that clearly knows what it is like.

__________________
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allan Poe
~EnlightenMe~ is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
likelife
Anonymous58205
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 10, 2013 at 04:30 PM
  #11
All the time. People talk over me and never care that they are telling me what to do.
Even my t just ignores it when I say something hurts or something upset me she will totally skip over the feelings and look to the thoughts I had toile those feelings. It drives me nuts, I love her to bits but sometimes she is very frustrating because she talks so much I can never get a word in
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
CantExplain
Big Poppa
 
CantExplain's Avatar
 
Member Since Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!)
13
19.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 10, 2013 at 04:56 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torn Mind View Post
All the time! It's my chief refrain - I'm not being heard, not being understood. And Ts are the biggest culprits (I've seen many Ts in the course of my therapy career) despite what I think is exceptional clarity and lucidity on my part in explaining myself .

It especially winds me up to get that 'but'. Not being heard and understood, that 'just' causes pain, but when I get lectured (even if well intentioned) about how I'm wrong or that I ought to do this that or the other - well yeah then I become very very frustrated and angry .

But then I have a lot of resentment anger and rage built up over the decades, for many many different reasons - so this kind of thing is just one more red flag to my anger bull.
I can relate to this.

__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc.

Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
CantExplain is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply
attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:00 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.