"Is it Ever Right for a Therapist to Cry?"

My therapist hasn't cried or come close. I'm glad. I need him to be strong for the both of us.

I don't think I have ever said anything that I would think was all that moving or whatever. Crying seems to me to be a response that is way too much for anything I have or could have said. But for me, a therapist acting all emotional of any sort, whether crying or anything else, does not make it seem more real, like they care or anything like that.

That would be weird to me. I cry enough for several people and seeing a T cry would probably make it worse. My former T was good about showing compassion and sharing her feelings, as was appropriate, and the only time I ever saw her tear up in over a year and a half was in my very last session when I was pretty sad about leaving her. It was nice to see that she cared in that way, but I wouldn't have wanted her to actually full out cry in any session.

My t cries and is strong at the same time.

Mine used to cry. She was a tender soul. I didn't mind.

That is a good point about the culture of tears. It rings true in my experience when I have lived/traveled overseas. It would be cool if they did a cross cultural study surveying therapists in different countries.

I as an individual have shifted in my own level of comfort with tears. Twenty years ago, very uncomfortable with other people's expressions of emotions. Now, pretty comfortable.

That's an interesting response. I understand where you are coming from, but since when are tears a sign of weakness? Something to think about.

My T has always been a pillar of strength for me, and when he did tear up that time it didn't at all feel like he wasn't being strong. What it did show was a deep compassion which was really very helpful at the time. It was really very validating actually.

Mine has gotten pretty emotional... I don't know if he cried. I can't look him in the eye much.

My T has teared up a few times and said, "This is where I cry with you...." I think it strengthened our therapeutic bond

My T has cried several times because she was deeply moved by what I was going through. I was touched because I knew she was human just like me and I also knew she cared.

My own t has not cried, I don't think she would but my teacher in t school, who is a very skilled t said she feels everything the client feels and cries with them.

I definitely don't want my T to just be clinical.

Agreed, I wouldn't either. If I didn't want or need a human being in the other chair I might as well use ELIZA. For me, it's important that my T is not afraid to use his sense of humour when it's appropriate; we sometimes laugh together and that is healing and validating for me. And having thought about this some more, I would probably not react negatively to T showing emotion in the form of sadness either.

I don't like them trying to play with me either. Crying or laughing either one. Those are way too familiar acts for a therapist to engage in with me. They do not get to have those parts of me. I do not believe I would find a therapist crying created a bond with me or was validating of me in any way. I don't see how it could. I do not find the therapist validating in the first place and I don't really know what sorts of things a therapist could, in theory, validate for me particularly by weeping. Actually that is not confined to therapists -any outside person really. I don't usually worry if people are emotional (clients, students, friends etc). But I expect a therapist to set aside their personal issues for the time I pay them to be at an appointment.

No, I realise it would not be helpful at all for you, stopdog, and I hope your Ts respect that.

The therapist has refrained from crying or, more probably, I have had nothing all that worth crying about for the woman. The woman does try to be funny at times (I have asked her to stop) but she is bad at it and it has proven dangerous to me in the past.

A T never crying in session doesn't mean they're just clinical. My former T was incredibly compassionate, honest, and had a great sense of humor, but she never cried in sessions with me and I doubt she would cry with other clients either. I knew she cared and still cares about me from across the country, and I'm glad she's open enough with me to share that.

do you think the gender of the therapist affects how you would/do feel about them crying?

Mine teared up at our last session. We had a pretty big breakthrough where I am finally allowing her in and the fact that she teared up made me feel like maybe I am worth something.

I do not think it would matter to me.

I wonder how much gender plays a role in this? It seems at least in American culture that females are granted a wider leniency in expressions of all emotions, and perhaps, this carries over into therapy.

I have seen my male T "glisten," but never cry. While I would have no problem with his crying on his time about his own issue, I would prefer he hold it together during my sessions. I totally get the feeling of needing him to contain his own emotions, as I needed him to contain mine. That said, I never found him to be lacking in empathy, so I don't think tears are indicative of that.

And, I guess for me, crying by a T feels a bit unbalanced. Not in terms of humanity, but in terms of the purpose of therapy and the frame. It feels too nurturing at the expense of other expressions for my taste.

I've also seen a moistening of my therapist's eye, but I assumed it was allergies! (I'd be fine, but a bit surprised, if he cried.)

No, I think it would depend completely on the T's person and not on their gender. I base this on the fact that gender is irrelevant in how I feel about other people crying (not about things I say, just crying in general).

I agree except for anger. I think over here, women are not given nearly as much leeway to be/show angry as men are.

My T has cried one time...not all out cry but teared up and then tears ran down her face. I had a really really rough week and we had some ruptures. But at the end I made huge progress and there was a big change in me. As I was done talking one day she started talking and saying how proud she was of me and she started crying and gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. it was very sweet. ill remember it forever.