What triggers you?

Thanks goingtogetthere.

People do come and go here, frequently. Ask the old-timers. There are few that hang around long. I don't think it's unsupportive though. For every post that you would consider unsupportive, I'll bet you can find at least 10 that are supportive. I have been posting for a few years, and reading for a lot longer than that, and I've found I've gotten far more positive responses than negative ones. You just really have to get to know folks, and that takes time.

Thanks for responding...a lot of the same things that make you sad make me sad as well.

I realize that many don't hang around for long. Nevertheless, I believe many new comers, or people with unpopular views leave, because of what feels like an exclusive club, and lack of acknowledgements. Summer's end will make it a year since I've found the forum. And, just looking at post over time, even being away for four months, I see trends that are not inclusive. A sociometrist would have a field day with our forum. It is what it is, and sometimes it's every man for himself, even if I don't believe that way. The forum mimics real life, junior high school, etc., this time I had some help negotiating the halls - my therapist. And, I now do it on my own.

I choose not to respond to most post, I feel I'm a thread killer at at times, but I will give thanks, and hugs to those that are hurting, trying to heal, and willing to put themselves out here.

I especially love to hear the stories of those that are making progress. And, those that question others to take a step to heal in a respectful way. IMO, some members get a humble pass because of who they are, what they are: doctors, lawyers, candle stick makers. Real life does happen on the forum, and I'm learning a lot from it.

There are some really wonderful and genuinely caring people on the forum, and to me, like my therapist, they are priceless.

Thank you for the thread wiki.

What triggers me most here are the judgements about other people's therapy and the conflicts that follow. I for one know that some people would have issues with the way my T and I do therapy. I know some people would see it as creating dependency or crossing boundaries or reparenting. I'm comfortable that its not inappropriate, and I know that it's exactly what I need. I've seen 13 different T's and this one is finally actually helping. But I would never share details of my therapy because I know it would trigger people and I know I would feel attacked and unsafe because I struggle so much with judgements. So I think for me, it's best to leave those aspects of my therapy between my T and I. It does trigger me, though, when other people share things that they are doing with their T and get intense responses back telling them how wrong they are, etc. Yes, there are some absolute boundaries in T. But there is a lot of grey area, and some things in that area will hurt one client and help another. I understand that when people react strongly to things that would fall in that grey area, they have often been hurt by similar actions and are legitimately trying to help, but when the manner in which they try to help is very judgemental, that triggers me. I also think it triggers people's own fears of dependency and abandonment and boundary violations when posters talk about doing some of these things. Heck I do them, and it triggers my own fears of all these things. I have spent a lot of time examining my own thoughts and feelings as well as talking to my T very openly about the things we do that other people consider "wrong". I for one am so grateful I have a T who is willing to do therapy in the grey area, because its been exactly what I need. I finally have hope that things will get better. I am finally healing. To each his own, though. I'm okay with people having a variety of opinions and feelings about how to do therapy and how not to do it. I just struggle when it's presented with a lot of judgement.

Very little triggers me here. I can keep this on-line forum separate from real life pretty readily. My triggers occur in my life at home, work, etc.

I see triggers as tools, like "red flags" that mark where I need to do more work. If something frightens or annoys me, I try to move toward it rather than away, to better understand myself and my surroundings. Unless there are spiders involved

I'm not sure things here trigger me, but there are things that irritate me and bring out my worst behavior --- stuff like enmeshment, victim mentality, or desire to control responses. If I find that I have difficulty refraining from responding in a non-helpful way, I block the poster. They certainly do NOT want to read my responses & I'm helping keep my free time enjoyable. Win-win.

Thanks for being so honest everyone. I appreciate it, and all of your responses.

I certainly would not want you to censor yourself. As I say, it's my stuff, my choice to read here, I can handle it.

People making fun of me or making judgmental comments
Making assumptions
Hearing about other people who lost people to suicide

Reading through this has made me realize I probably trigger a lot of people with my enmeshment issues and somewhat re-parenting therapy.

I didn't realize this effected people so much.

These responses have actually triggered ME! lol Not too bad but it does make me feel uncomfortable sharing.

I wonder what it is about other people going through re-parenting stuff that is so disturbing? I'm not talking about sucking your thumb or goo-goo-ga type of stuff. But the therapist as a parental role that was absent from your life as a child.

Not much really triggers me.. mostly SH issues and other people ganging up and thinking their response is the only valid one. This has never really happened to me, but I've read it and it is upsetting.. so I avoid it.
The biggest though is when others are judgmental of posters therapy and therapist because it's not like their therapy or experiences in therapy.

Sunne -In my opinion, no person/poster triggers others - others get triggered or bothered by topics or posts or other posters - but it is theirs to deal with - not the person posting about their therapy. It is the responsibility of the reader to handle the info and their reaction to it themselves, in my opinion.

I do hope this does not lead people to think they should not post about their experiences or troubles etc for fear of upsetting others. I don't think that was the point of the thread and whether others get upset or not is theirs to handle. If reading something on an anonymous forum is too upsetting, then accept yourself and go to another thread or do something else for awhile is how I see it.

With respect to reparenting for me- I am glad it helps some people. It is not what I do or want, but if it works for a client, then great.

Again...
I honestly don't think anyone wants you or anyone else to limit their posts. Just trying to be honest and talk about things that bug us openly. It's good to know what sets people off...not so you can avoid posting, but so we can understand where others are coming from. I think the block feature can be a very good tool for this!

I'm curious as to why it triggers others so I can understand better. If anyone would share their thoughts on that?

It just seems a lot of people are disturbed by it and like I said, I don't want to upset anyone or be... not liked because of it? But that is clearly my issue.

For me, trigger is too strong a word. But the concept of therapist as parent bothers me because I see that as a power thing. And I am seriously against the idea of the therapist controlling me or thinking of themselves as being in authority at me in any way. At all. Ever.

That makes sense. The authority thing would make me want to rebel.

No one here has ever "triggered" me. But I went off on Facebook last nite on some idiot that posted something clueless about the mentally ill. I realize now it triggered me big time. It is very uncharacteristic for me to get so agitated and call out someone I don't even know.

Reparenting doesn't bother me much. Reparenting combined with erotic transference kinda pinches the CSA portion of my brain. Definitely makes me feel hinky and weird and unhappy and angry. But, that's my stuff, not anyone else's.

Apparently T#1 triggers me.

For me, as for pbutton, it's the combination of parental + erotic that trips the trigger for me. The enmeshment is a separate issue and stems from having others tromp all over my boundaries with no sense of guilt or acknowledgement that their behavior was hurtful and wrong. Basically, unless I was having a screaming meltdown, it was all my fault that they were boundary stomping because I "let" them do it, and then when I did have a screaming meltdown, it was still all my fault because I didn't have a screaming meltdown the first time they tromped boundaries. Or I should be letting them tromp my boundaries because their needs were so much MORE than mine, or somehow it was my JOB to meet all their needs. So, all of those things, when done here, make me somewhat reactive and I often have to force myself to step back and step away and remember that none of these things are being done TO ME here, and that it is not my responsibility to get others to see why their boundary stomping is horrible even if their T does not tell them it is.

Not everyone agrees upon what they consider constitutes either boundary stomping or horrible or horrible boundary stomping. In some ways, that is what makes this stuff fun to read for me. (and I like playing with MKAC).

I understand that. And am glad you both shared your thoughts.

I can relate to having my boundaries broken time and time again and not even feeling like I deserved to have them in the first place.

For me, I have realized that this is an unhealthy and really weird dynamic. I think my boundaries have been broken so much through-out my life that I'm just learning what it even means to have them, and what mine are.

This forum has helped me quite a lot with those issues.. and still more work needs to be done. I'm trying to focus on the therapy itself and not become so focused on the transference. It just is what it is and that's all it is.

I can't really say anything on the forum triggers me. There are times I feel very sad for people who are stuck in unhelpful/damaging therapy situations. There are certain threads I generally don't respond to because now that I've been here a while, I see those threads as rehashing for unhealthy reasons. Really the only thing that deeply annoys me is passive-aggressiveness, especially employed as a cruel pattern of response. IRL, I have learned techniques over the years to defuse such situations if it isn't possible to walk away from them, but they don't work on-line. So when I see such a pattern on-line, I just avoid the thread/poster.

I think the re-parenting stuff sets me off as well. I just can't fathom putting someone you see for 1/168th of your week in that position. As a parent I know how much time, compassion and love goes into mothering, and I know there is no way a therapist can put that much into one patient. So, I more get upset with a therapist who pretends to be able to do so, as I think it to be a disservice to the patient. But I know this is MY OPINION, and only that, an opinion.

The enmeshment drives me bonkers because I had no privacy, my parents took all when I was young, and my mother still tries to take all now.