[WikidPissah]

I often see peeps mention being triggered by threads. Some even have to talk to their t after reading certain threads. I don't usually like the word "trigger", because it sounds like something awful that you have no control over. I would rather use the words "bother" or "disturbed". I am using the word "trigger" though, because that's usually what we use on here.

What triggers you? Do you know why?

* Please only reference subjects, not people or diagnoses... I am not out to hurt anyone. My goal is to get a better understanding of each other.

I am disturbed when a thread mentions total dependence on a t or another person. I freak out if I feel like I am being needy, and do anything I can to stop myself from it. I like boundaries clearly defined and I don't push against them. I think it's because there were no boundaries growing up. I have worked hard to be self disciplined, and I get nervous when someone seems not to be.

Another thing that sets me off is negativity. When a thread seems to go haywire all negative, and positive remarks or helpful get bulked in with negative hateful responses. There was a lot of violence in my home growing up, and conflict scares the hell out of me, because in my world it could lead to death. Conflict = Death.

Lastly...talk of death sets me off the worst. I am petrified of graveyards and funeral homes. Even a photo of a body will put me in a tizzy for days.

And I just triggered myself while writing this!

[stopdog]

I dislike reading where someone tells another directly what to do or criticizes how the person approaches therapy or life in a direct fashion rather than as simply how they would approach it instead. The same is true for me with what I find to be a condescending know-it-all approach to responding to others. Particularly where it seems to me to be bullying or ganging up.

The idea of enmeshment being safe or desired freaks me out for me. If someone else wants it, I would think it was going to end badly, but I consider that their deal, not mine.

I also dislike it where the idea is the client is always wrong and the therapist is always right, safe and good. The idea of anyone making decisions for another or acting in anyone else's best interest over their objection or without their consent and knowledge and participation or even at all even with those things, sets me on edge.
Therapists as parents/parenting to clients is another thing I find completely freaky.
The idea of being trapped and treated against one's will or having one's choices ignored or supplanted or being unable/not allowed to quit is terrible for me. For me, abandonment and death are not the scariest worst things, being trapped and/or humiliated is. So in reading things, where the idea is there is no choice ("I can't do x because it is not an option"- is better understood by me to be "I choose not to do x because I consider the consequence of y to be worse" = I would always rather have things be my choice than see it as I am not choosing between what I consider to be the lesser of the choices. I would rather be almost anything other than what I consider a victim who refuses to make my own choices)

The content of threads doesn't ever seem to really bother me, although I don't like when there is a lot of animosity on the board and what has in cases seemed rather like bullying and ganging up.

Rejection is a big issue for me... If I'm having a bad day, sometimes it bothers me if I've tried to offer a helpful reply to a thread and it doesn't get acknowledged in any way - especially if it seems to be the only post not acknowledged... I start wondering if I upset the OP, or they don't like me, or if what I said was stupid, or maybe they have blocked me and I'm stupidly still trying to help like an idiot, or maybe EVERYONE here hates me or just tolerates me like everyone in real life, and it's just another situation where nobody freaking needs or wants me...!

And then I try to be rational about it.

[WikidPissah]

JSG... Consider yourself acknowledged!

[content30]

Nothing on here “triggers” me—this forum doesn’t cause me anxiety or depression, etc. If it did, I would not read it. It does annoy me a bit when I perceive that people are using and/or abusing their Ts. I love my T—she is awesome and has helped me immensely. I would never purposely try to hurt her or upset her or blame her for things that are just unreasonable. I expect her to be empathic and somewhat intuitive but not a mind reader (seems like many think all Ts should be psychic). So, sometimes I think, what if person x did/said that to my T? That would be so sad! I would feel so bad for her! Also, I am going to be a T. So, I think of someone doing that to me someday—eek! I need to thicken my skin (thankfully, it’s fairly thick already…)!

[BlessedRhiannon]

I don't get triggered by threads on here to the point that it causes anxiety or anything. If it did, I wouldn't read the thread. Talk about death/sui are a little upsetting to me, but mostly because it makes me think of my brother and my friend that both took their lives and that just makes me sad.

Stopdog covered a lot of the things that bother me - enmeshment, T as a parent, T as always right and the client always wrong, client not having any choices, being trapped. Those are all things that kinda freak me out and if I found myself in any of those situations, it would be exceedingly upsetting. So, I'm a bit bothered by seeing those kinds of threads and talk of those kinds of relationships with T.

I do get bothered sometimes when I post or reply to a post and don't receive much response, but then I remind myself that i'm not a very active participant in this forum, and I try to just let it go.

[QuietCat]

Oddly, what bothers me is the actual word "trigger". I see it used SO often these days. Not just on this board. I feel like this word is often used as an excuse to avoid or censor others from speaking about topics because it "Triggers" other people. I understand people get upset or distressed around certain tipics, and can understand the need to warn for things like CSA etc, but I feel like the word "trigger" is far overused these days.

[stopdog]

I agree about the word "trigger."
I don't think of anything here doing my actual definition of that to me.

[murray]

I also agree about the word "trigger." Sure things bother me or upset me but nothing that I read here results in that sort of extreme reaction. I do appreciate if posters give a warning about CSA, SA, violence and things of that nature and then I can choose whether or not I am in the proper frame of mind for reading something potentially upsetting.
Conflict of any sort does get to me and I find it difficult to deal with but it is easy enough to step away from the computer.

IRL I am more likely to have issues.

One thing that does trigger me at times is the news. Sometimes they will cover a story and before I know it I am huddled into a ball and shaking. Usually I just avoid tv news and will read it instead of watching.

I use the word trigger as a curtesy to others who maybe in a fragile frame of mind. I don't tend to judge who or what is triggering. Why would I?

[WikidPissah]

Thanks EVERYONE. Yeah, the word "trigger" is overused. I always think that when you trigger a reaction, you do it meaningfully. Like in pulling a trigger.

I also appreciate when people put warnings on stuff so I don't accidentally read something that may cause me anxiety.

One more thing that kind of bugs me is intimate sex talk. Not general sex talk or jokes, but intimate details about sex. I really think that's TMI (for me personally).

Mouse...what I was looking for is what triggers YOU, not judge what triggers others. I just kind of thought it would be nice to be aware, so we can understand each other better.

[tooski]

I agree with others who feel that the word trigger is often overused to the point where it's lost its original meaning (sort of the like the word awesome). To me, when I'm triggered, and I have been in therapy and occasionally here, is when I get an emotional reaction to something that is way out of proportion. I feel strong emotion and my logical brain stops functioning ... I just become emotional, often angry, and I'm kind of out of control in my response.

In real life, this can occur with things to do with animal abuse. I've put myself in physical danger a few times because I just reacted with no thought to my physical safety. Looking back, I realize that it was foolhardy but I couldn't control myself. I was triggered.

To answer the original poster's question, it can happen on these threads sometimes. Like when I perceive that people are putting all the blame on others (T, family, etc.) and refuse to see their own responsibility in the situation. (victim thinking) It took me years to get out of this way of thinking, so I react like an ex-smoker or drinker who crusades against their former behavior. ("Hey, I overcame it, why can't you???") Ah, I need lots of work on this ....

tooski, I also am reactive to people who blame others, but I come at it from the opposite perspective, of someone who was always blamed. I now know that not everything on the planet is my fault, but that was and sometimes still is a hard lesson. So, I tend to react badly when a person refuses to accept responsibility for his or her own stuff and blames others. I feel badly for the person being blamed, and angry and resentful at the person doing the blaming. If I'm being honest, I'm at least somewhat contemptuous of people who cannot accept responsibility for their own stuff, considering I have been owning my own and other people's stuff since I was a toddler.

I am also reactive to the enmeshment, boundary stomping stuff that gets posted sometimes, and I'm sure I "trigger" stopdog when I'm all "STOP IT!! THAT'S TOTALLY WRONG AND YOU SHOULD STOP DOING IT AND BE TOTALLY ASHAMED!" when other people are doing what I perceive as violating others' boundaries. I've been trying to work on that.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I am also reactive to the enmeshment, boundary stomping stuff that gets posted sometimes, and I'm sure I "trigger" stopdog when I'm all "STOP IT!! THAT'S TOTALLY WRONG AND YOU SHOULD STOP DOING IT AND BE TOTALLY ASHAMED!" when other people are doing what I perceive as violating others' boundaries. I've been trying to work on that.

I have not considered myself "triggered" by you. Sometime we disagree. From like opposite poles, but not triggered. I try to consider it /leave it up to the other person to define and enforce their boundaries, not me. I do have a tendency to want to side with who I perceive as the underdog in any given situation.


I thought this was an interesting post
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...drama-triangle

[WikidPissah]

very cool article. I am definitely of the "rescuer" variety. Need to stop doing that.

[critterlady]

I don't think much triggers me here. I have a negative reaction to threads about CSA and other child abuse. But it feels different from triggering to me.

When I get triggered, I'm right back in the trauma. I can feel what I felt then, emotionally and physically. I was taken by surprise reently by a song from the late 60s/early 70s that must have been connected to my CSA somehow. My mind didn't remember, but my body did. That kind of thing doesn't happen for me by reading a thread.

[growlycat]

If I think something is too intense to read at the moment, I don't read it. Sure, childhood abuse and neglect raise my anxiety but sometimes I want to read on anyways. So I'd hate for anyone to hold back on my account-this place is for everyone.

I am not a fan of judging, blaming, etc. There are helpful ways of being a devil's advocate and there are spiteful ways of getting in someone's face. If I post, I expect all comers, and I am open to at least reading other's views. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but there is a helpful way and unhelpful way of doing this.

When responding to posts, I try to read to see if someone actually wants advice or just needs to vent or maybe wants support.

[scorpiosis37]

I've never been "triggered" by anything on the forum; there isn't anything that can send me in a spiral, cause me anxiety, or give me a lingering reaction. However, there are things that I find frustrating or sad. For instance, I feel a little taken aback when I read what sounds to me like abusive behavior being directed toward a T, or when someone comments that it's okay to treat a T however one wants because it's "their job." I think it's important to remember that T is human, too and to use the T relationship to learn how to treat (and not treat) people in RL. I think therapy is a great place to learn how to treat people well; I see that as more productive than using T as a place to act out. I also feel frustrated when I see what appears to be a T condoning a client's poor behavior, enabling a client's acting out, allowing a client's boundary crossings, or being inconsistent in their own behavior/boundaries. I want everyone on the forum to have a consistent T who maintains appropriate boundaries and works with them to change unhelpful behaviors. I find it frustrating when a client is working really hard to change their behaviors, and then the T fails them by allowing boundary crossings/acting out. Of course, clients are bound to make mistakes sometimes, but I think it's helpful when the T points those out and uses them as teachable moments, instead of ignoring them and allowing them to continue. I think that can set back a client's hard earned progress. For me, the most difficult ting to read are posts that indicate that the poster is asking their child (under age 18) to do what appears to be a "caretaking" thing for them. The reason I feel that way is because of the role I was put in as a child as a result of my mom's mental illness. Of course, anyone who is in therapy and on these boards is head-and-shoulders above where my mom was, but it's still hard for me to think about other children doing the things I had to do as a child. Of course, I recognize that I do not know the situation, and my reaction stems from my own personal experience. Another thing that is difficult for me to read about is someone who states that they are in an abusive relationship (with T, a partner, etc) but is not ready yet to leave the situation. Again, having been in an abusive relationship when I was younger, it's hard for me to think that someone else is in that position now, but isn't ready to leave that relationship. It makes me hope that, one day, they will realize that they do not deserve to be abused and that there are much better relationships waiting for them if they do leave in the future. The last thing that I find difficult is when people don't give themselves enough credit by saying things like "I can't help it" or "I can't control my behavior" or "I'm not capable of change." I think we all have that kind of strength inside of us and we are all capable of being better versions of ourselves. There is no such thing as perfect, but we are all capable of growth and self-improvement. We're all capable of doing the hard work and then reaping the benefits that come from doing that work. It's hard, but it's possible. And, once we take those difficult steps, we're the ones who gain the rewards and get to feel proud of our own accomplishments.

[ultramar]

There was another thread where I wrote about parents getting needs met through children, this was my experience, so the below is no doubt due to this; it's the lens I use sometimes, and will not always be accurate.

It creeps me out when I see re-parenting in therapy taken to a near-literal level. I'll be honest and say it does upset me sometimes in part because my gut tells me (right or wrong) that the therapist is getting their own needs met (to be the eternally idealized parent, for example) at the expense of the growth of the patient. I also believe very strongly in personal responsibility, and when I see externalizing responsibility in therapy encouraged (or engaged in regardless) it bothers me. If someone already has a tendency to externalize responsibility and blame (my mother did and does) I think this can feed into it, exacerbate it, rather than helping to overcome it.

This is All. My. Own. Stuff. I suspect in most cases whatever may frustrate/upset/annoy whatever us here is more about ourselves than anyone else.

[growlycat]

It's funny, I've been coming to these boards for a looong time and the dynamic always shifts. It seems to be in a phase right now where there is a strong divide between two camps. It's not a bad thing, but it's helpful to know that what I feel saved my life (limited reparenting) also icks out some others too. I'll try to be more mindful of that when I post.

[stopdog]

I think that anything someone thinks works for them is a good thing. I would not want anyone to not post just because it was not my way, my lack of understanding, or etc.
For myself, it is a conscious choice I make to read some threads even where I know I am probably not going to understand or agree or have a different take on things. It is not, in my opinion, the other posters' problem to worry about how I might or might not react (I mean barring personal attack sorts of things). If I can't handle someone's thread, it is my problem to deal with and to walk away from the thread.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think that anything someone thinks works for them is a good thing. I would not want anyone to not post just because it was not my way, my lack of understanding, or etc.
For myself, it is a conscious choice I make to read some threads even where I know I am probably not going to understand or agree or have a different take on things. It is not, in my opinion, the other posters' problem to worry about how I might or might not react (I mean barring personal attack sorts of things). If I can't handle someone's thread, it is my problem to deal with and to walk away from the thread.

I totally agree with this.

You can't go thinking of every individual when you post (not saying this is the case) but imagine it.

[elliemay]

there are a few things that bother me here. They are my problems, but, well, you asked.

The first has got to be when people come here potentially seeking comfort and absolution for behaviours. These include yelling at their children, intruding on their therapist's private life (if they wanted you to know-they would tell you), acting out toward the therapist etc... I strongly believe that we are in control of our behaviours - not our thoughts, but our behaviours. We are also responsible for the reaction, or action, elicited as a result of our behaviours. I can't and don't offer the absolution the poster seems to be seeking.

The second is overt manipulation, desire to control responses etc...

The third is the excuse maker. Sometimes, and I totally get this, we come on here to vent. I am all about the vent. It can be such a release. Ultimately though, this has to be followed by potential solutions indicative of a willingness to try something new and different. When such solutions are are offered, and the poster either ignores, or comes up with reasons why that wouldn't work - and repeatedly does so, then I just have to pull away. To me it suggests that, well, they are okay with where they are, unhappy as they may be. My efforts and thoughts are best expended elsewhere.

Again, you asked!

[WikidPissah]

I don't want people to stop posting either. Maybe we can just understand that responses are sometimes knee-jerk responses.

Also, for me, writing out what sets me off also help to understand my own reactions better.

I've only been triggered once by the forum in the true since of the word. A poster out right lied on me, and the usual chaingang - we don't support those that want to heal - pushed their thanks and hugs buttons. I hate the wolf-packing, still does at times, that use to come out with certain brave posters. For most things , I agree the word trigger is way to strong a word to use, but I use it the forum's lingo of choice.

What makes me sad are all the people that says this is a supportive place or certain threads are a supportive place to post - it is for some, but for many other posters - they don't seem to matter, and they go away, because they are forgotten or ignored by the regulars.

It makes me sad that posters don't have people in their real life to lean or their therapist to lean on, if they are willing. I personally would be so far back in where I am in my life if I listened to all the naysayers on the way I do therapy with my therapist. How can you negatively judge someone else's therapy when they are moving forward or doing the work to heal? I thought the WHOLE IDEA of therapy and healing was to work on those things in our lives that do bother us, annoy us, trigger us, etc. - to change ourselves to live fully in the REAL WORLD. Many times I feel like this forum is a civil-rights rally walking backwards, sometimes running back words. And, we certainly do wear the masks. My experience on the forum says, that I and certain others are not aloud to march or watch - lets's set the barricades in another county - George Wallace would be proud.

It makes me sad that most people would rather trust anonymous people on this forum - not knowing if they are whom they say they are - than the therapist they have hired and/or people in their real lives.

It annoys me when people speak made up facts, and some easily checkable, and are thanked, and hugged by others that believe them, and ignore truth. Also, when people ignore simple logic.

It angers me when the young people are spoken to harshly by those I think should know better. But, things are difficult in their own lives at the time, and they use the young ones to take their shame/ fears out on.

It's sad that Mother's Day was so hard for many with their own mothers or being a mother - heavy therapy work, and doable. If I continued to not acknowledge i had parents, as flawed as they were, I would have continued to be less than a whole person in my own eyes. I had to heal that little person within that had a mentally ill mother, and a father that drowned his pain in alcohol, and said, "Trust no one, and your life will be okay." It took my therapist's brand of therapy to change that outcome. I hope Father's Day for many is fraught with less difficulties.

I get annoyed with those that think they are the experts on therapy, because they say they have finished their therapy work. They don't seem to have progressed on their own.
Isn't that what's suppose to happen once we've left therapy?

I am grateful for the members that have supported me in my healing, even if they don't agree with my process.

It triggers me that most all of us did not get what we needed way back when, and were failed by those we were suppose to - trust. I know. I'm working on it.