[RainbowLonesomeDove]

Have any of you wondered why Ts are taught to not show emotion and to act like they don't care? I know I do. I adore my T and I can't imagine my life without her- especially right now- but the fact that she shows minimal emotion just bugs me . I've developed some serious transference for her, and yet, I feel as if I can't connect with her completely because she wears what I call a "stiff face" all of the time. I'm a seventeen year old girl; I crave the emotional attention. I've been wondering weather or not my T is actually right for me. She's only the second T I've had in my life. My first T was a sweet, bubbly lady who wasn't afraid to laugh at my jokes and my ridiculuous behavior.

However, I did happen to ctach my current T crying over a patient of hers who had committed suicide. I just happened to walk in on it, but as soon as she saw me she quickly bolted from her office. When she returned the woman hadn't even looked like the other patients death had even touched her. Is it just me, or is this whole thing just crazy?

[skysblue]

I can't imagine having a T that showed no emotion. Yes, they're supposed to maintain their own healthy stability and not be rocked or thrown too much by their clients' emotions.

But to have to share with a T who didn't seem to connect would be tough.

My T has been strong for me but she also mirrors some of my emotions and I feel validated.

Just last week, I saw that she was emotionally touched by something I read to her from my journal. It felt so good that she resonated in some way with my feelings.

So, I would say that you either discuss it with her that you don't feel connected because she always wears a 'stiff face' or look for another T who is more able to give you what you need.

Good luck

[content30]

I guess I wouldn't say that Ts are taught to show no emotion and act like they don't care. My T does show emotion and acts like she cares. That being said, it is a professional relationship. She would not want her emotions to affect your therapy. So, in the instance of you catching her crying, what she did was very appropriate. Just because she was able to pull herself together at that moment does not mean that she is not emotional. She may have even sought therapy over that and discussed it with a supervising T.

In my opinion, a good T is present with you in the moment and highly empathic. They should mirror your emotions to a degree while maintaining a professional persona and boundaries. If your T was crying over a client, she cares. However, it wouldn't be productive for her to emotionally fall apart in front of you. If you truly feel like your T is apathetic, you can most certainly find Ts who show emotion and do care. My last T was apathetic, but my current T is appropriately emotional and present while professional at the same time.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by RainbowLonesomeDove

However, I did happen to ctach my current T crying over a patient of hers who had committed suicide. I just happened to walk in on it, but as soon as she saw me she quickly bolted from her office. When she returned the woman hadn't even looked like the other patients death had even touched her. Is it just me, or is this whole thing just crazy?

It is crazy and cruel and stupid.

However, you've seen your T cry. That is a great privilege. Hold on to that.

[tinyrabbit]

I think Ts are sometimes careful to keep their own feelings under control because therapy is about our feelings, not theirs. If my T reacts too much, I might not feel able to talk. If he gets upset, I'll feel like I have to take care of him, feel bad for upsetting him, etc. Sometimes they're not being emotionless but are providing a space for your emotions rather than taking it up with theirs.

Personally, I am forever misreading my T's facial expressions. I have to say a T who laughed at my "ridiculous behaviour" wouldn't seem very caring or emotional to me, so I guess everyone's different.

[HealingTimes]

I don't think i could work with a T who didn't express their emotions.

My T gets angry (on my behalf, towards my parents), sad (when i can't access that sadness myself), happy, and i find it really helpful to see, and it helps me to accept that emotions are normal and natural and there is no harm in showing them (this is a huge barrier for me).

However, there is definitely a time and place for this kind of thing, and she doesn't do it all the time or anything.

I think I understood something about that today, as I was processing my session. If my T liked me and showed it in word or facial expression, I would have something to lose (his esteem/respect) by showing myself the way I actually am; since he does not show that kind of emotion, I have nothing to lose. Which makes all kinds of sense. We do laugh together sometimes, and he does smile at me when appropriate, so he's not an emotionless robot by any means.

[RainbowLonesomeDove]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

It is crazy and cruel and stupid.

However, you've seen your T cry. That is a great privilege. Hold on to that.

I always thought that it was a treasure! Thank you so much!

[stopdog]

I think I more wish they would tell you upfront whether they are going to or not.
If there was a class in how not to show emotion, I would take it just to see if I could pick up some new tips.
I like it when the woman does not react or show emotion. I would just like the openness about how they are going to try to be so that those who want more emotion would not have hope the therapist who was not emotional was going to be and those who want less emotion would not keep waiting for them to get it out of their system.
It seems to me the one I see is just messing with me when she responds emotionally. I feel less like they are trying to manipulate me when they remain unemotional. The woman is getting better at remaining calm.

A therapist does 'care' but they're there to help us process painful emotions. They give us the space for that to happen. People who think hugs & dare, dares are the true models of compassion haven't truely experience the non verbal compassionate helper. Interfering with words can block the moment. Of course therapist (well the healthy ones) care. But they also have to use their skills too. Have to know when to speak, and when to 'be' there with us in the moment. It can take some time until we ourselves understand or feel another's empathy.