[Moodswing]

When ever some says,"Remember so and so? Well he/she became a bla,bla,bla. Amazing how he/she turned their life around. Thought for sure they would amount to nothing." Why does this make me want to stab myself 500 times! Why can't I find the passion,enthusiasm the motivation to be/do something then living one day at a time? I have no desire to amount to anything. I have no belief I have the ability to amount to anything. This makes me hate myself so much. I hope I die soon. No I am not depressed.

[winter4me]

When you hear those things, does it sound like a subtle negative comparison of you to someone else? Or does it engender envy? Do you believe every word?
Does that kind of talk remind you of anything/one. ( for myself, it might, especially when i was younger, remind me of my parents going on about so and so being so successful etc, interesting, knowing they felt I had not amounted to "anything" in their eyes)

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Moodswing

I have no desire to amount to anything. I have no belief I have the ability to amount to anything.

These are two different things.

What is it you do not desire to amount to? The vagueness of your distress is part of the problem I think. I don't want to be a neurosurgeon either :-)

Instead of "amounting" why not pick something that does interest you and pursue it. You cannot amount to anything from a standing start, it takes at least 10 years of work and experiences. When we start something we are all beginners, it isn't about inspiration and then suddenly we're artists, writers, musicians, business tycoons, advertising executives, department managers, oceanographers, or anything else.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Moodswing

Why can't I find the passion,enthusiasm the motivation to be/do something then living one day at a time? I have no desire to amount to anything. I have no belief I have the ability to amount to anything. This makes me hate myself so much.

To me, these are in conflict with each other
I can not do x and think - "I don't mind that I don't do X but others think I should" - then I have to decide if what others think matters enough to me to change. It often, for me, does not.

But thinking I do not have the ability to do x is a different thing - then I would have to go learn how to do x and see if, after learning it, x was worth it.

So not having a desire to amount to anything (and do you have a clear definition of what that means? If you, without the outside influence, are happy living one day at a time - then the problem seems to me to be allowing outside judgements to bother you and one might try to break free of that)
is to me different from "I do not have the ability to amount to anything" - which to me would also involve deciding what counts as amounting to anything (is it money, steady job, certain type of house, certain type of job, people loving you, etc - it could be any number of things).And then either adjusting what counts to you to something realistic for you and learning to consider it valuable.

Is your therapist helping you with this?

[Moodswing]

Originally Posted by Perna

These are two different things.

What is it you do not desire to amount to? The vagueness of your distress is part of the problem I think. I don't want to be a neurosurgeon either :-)

Instead of "amounting" why not pick something that does interest you and pursue it. You cannot amount to anything from a standing start, it takes at least 10 years of work and experiences. When we start something we are all beginners, it isn't about inspiration and then suddenly we're artists, writers, musicians, business tycoons, advertising executives, department managers, oceanographers, or anything else.

Regret of the wasted years. I see no point to persue anything at my tender age of 46. Yup hear all the time of older people in their 50's and 60's going back to college. I just cant find that kind of drive. I can't even find a skill or talent to cultivate. By the time I am done with the education I am at the age I should be thinking of retirement and enjoying what is left of my life. Not even sure what enjoying is suppose to feel like.