[Littlemeinside]

Just a quick question in the name of "navel gazing"...What does it mean when a person, I´ve heard it IRL and and T says : " You have so many good qualities about you". Should that sentence end with a ..BUT..."this and that is wrong with you" or would you take it as a complement? Personally I feel that people saying that feel sorry for me?

[unaluna]

yeah, you're so talented - maybe the next question is, what is holding you back? Why aren't you doing more with your life?

[rainbow8]

When my T says that, she means it. No strings attached. When my Mom used to say it, the "but" meant: why aren't you doing something with your writing, or your art? Or: "You're pretty, so why don't you stand up straight?" I think it depends who is saying it. There doesn't have to be a "but" afterwards. It should be a compliment. We all have good qualities. Period!

Agreed rainbow. When my t says it, I never hear the "but" that it always came with if my mother were to forget herself and almost compliment me. "You have such pretty eyes, if you would just comb your hair or "you could have a pretty face IF" etc. Man my trip back to visit my FOO had some long lasting side effects. Bah.

[tinyrabbit]

Is it possible your T meant what they said and didn't say what they didn't mean? Mind-reading is dangerous because we can't actually read minds...

I know what you mean though, I worry about this too.

[Perna]

I take it to be a statement of the other's perception. I like when others say specific good stuff about me that I am unsure I see in myself because then I know if others see it, it must be there and I start looking for it

[WikidPissah]

I always wait for the "but....", but I don't think you should have to. I am working on accepting compliments. It's really hard though.

[1stepatatime]

Please pardon my ignorance but what is IRL? Thanks!

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

Please pardon my ignorance but what is IRL? Thanks!

It means " in real life" ..

I agree with Hankster...the comment must mean.." why don´t you get your act together" , and do something with your life. Sigh

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

It means " in real life" ..

I agree with Hankster...the comment must mean.." why don´t you get your act together" , and do something with your life. Sigh

Gotcha....thanks for clueing me in

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

When my T says that, she means it. No strings attached. When my Mom used to say it, the "but" meant: why aren't you doing something with your writing, or your art? Or: "You're pretty, so why don't you stand up straight?" I think it depends who is saying it. There doesn't have to be a "but" afterwards. It should be a compliment. We all have good qualities. Period!

So basically if someone IRL said " You have so many good qualities about you" would that be the same as saying " no strings attached" ..( I have a crush and don´t know whether to ask this person out)

[rainbow8]

I think it depends on the circumstances and who is saying it. I'm wondering if someone in RL who is interested in a person would say it in those words, "you have so many good qualities about you". It sounds more like something a teacher would say, not a peer. What was the context of the remark?

I would suggest asking the person out anyway. My mother used to say "nothing ventured, nothing gained." If you don't take a risk, you could lose out on a new adventure, or a new relationship. Good luck!

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I think it depends on the circumstances and who is saying it. I'm wondering if someone in RL who is interested in a person would say it in those words, "you have so many good qualities about you". It sounds more like something a teacher would say, not a peer. What was the context of the remark?

I would suggest asking the person out anyway. My mother used to say "nothing ventured, nothing gained." If you don't take a risk, you could lose out on a new adventure, or a new relationship. Good luck!

Thanks for replying. Is was sort of my boss and tutor.Sigh...it was said after I quit the job and we had been hugging intensely for like 5 minutes. Think your right. It was more a " teacher comment" than anything else. Just felt like we had been flirting all along at the job.

I missed this thread the first time around... it is interesting that some Ts say things like that to their clients. I don't believe a good T would make that kind of value judgment unless they meant it, and I think a good T would generally not say things that imply something that is left unsaid.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I missed this thread the first time around... it is interesting that some Ts say things like that to their clients. I don't believe a good T would make that kind of value judgment unless they meant it, and I think a good T would generally not say things that imply something that is left unsaid.

True...Just don´t know what it Means IRL. First extreme flirting, then this comment and a 5 minute hug goodbye I am hijacking my own post. Sorry. Just need to figure out, if I should contact this person again. Not related to therapy, but I agree with the comment above.