[skysblue]

I don't know if I'm continuing to see my therapist because it's become a habit which I enjoy and look forward to or should I be looking carefully to determine if it's really a crutch which I don't need anymore.

Spending more than $300.00 monthly is an expensive habit. Spending that kind of money on needed crutches is acceptable.

How to know when it's time to cut back or end therapy?

[rainbow8]

Why don't you try seeing your T less often to see how you feel? Also, have you asked her what she thinks about your cutting down and terminating therapy?

Interestingly, I told my T today something about not being able to quit therapy. She said if I'm not helping you, you wouldn't see me. I said, "Wrong. You should know that because it's what I came in with 3 years ago. My goal is to be able to quit therapy." I said I WOULD see her if she wasn't helping me, that I wouldn't be able to stop, that I saw my former T for 2 years after I thought she wasn't helping me anymore.

Some Ts are okay with check-ins, say monthly. I did that for the last year with my former T.

[CantExplain]

To pursue your metaphor:

You can and should toss the crutches when you can walk reliably without them.

Why not walk a little way without them and see how far you get? You'll soon find out if you can manage or not.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

She said if I'm not helping you, you wouldn't see me. I said, "Wrong. You should know that because it's what I came in with 3 years ago. My goal is to be able to quit therapy." I said I WOULD see her if she wasn't helping me, that I wouldn't be able to stop, that I saw my former T for 2 years after I thought she wasn't helping me anymore.

Yes, I think your T was a bit naive there.

The crutches keep working long after you can walk without them. Even when they are slowing you down, it might take a while to realise it.

[Moodswing]

Cut back to every other week. The first week you do not go will be hard because you are so use to going every week. Take the money you would have spent for therapy on that week and treat yourself.

My husband has to use crutches to walk because of a pain disorder. Sometimes he gets really stubborn and "throws" them aside because they are inconvenient, bulky, and a reminder of his disorder, but he realizes very quickly after doing so that he really needs those crutches and that trying to walk without them is actually causing him more pain.

So, as someone else said above, are you really able to walk without your crutches, or is this your pride or fear or vanity or wallet talking? That's what you need to be honest with yourself about.

Sometimes my husband can go without his crutches here and there, but he often has to pick them up again because his condition has worsened/relapsed. Do you have the discipline to pick up your crutches when you know you need them even if you have times in between when you don't need them as much or at all for awhile? Maybe you don't need therapy weekly right now and can spread sessions out; just be willing to return to more frequent sessions if need arises. This is about good personal insight and self-care.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Why don't you try seeing your T less often to see how you feel? Also, have you asked her what she thinks about your cutting down and terminating therapy?

Interestingly, I told my T today something about not being able to quit therapy. She said if I'm not helping you, you wouldn't see me. I said, "Wrong. You should know that because it's what I came in with 3 years ago. My goal is to be able to quit therapy." I said I WOULD see her if she wasn't helping me, that I wouldn't be able to stop, that I saw my former T for 2 years after I thought she wasn't helping me anymore.

Some Ts are okay with check-ins, say monthly. I did that for the last year with my former T.

eh, sadly many Ts probably keep their clients forever by being nicety-nice-cuddly but not helpful. Basically paid friends.

I don't your case is this case... but she's naive here.

[tinyrabbit]

Interesting that you say you enjoy it and look forward to it. I find therapy so utterly uncomfortable, even when I think I want to go. I told my T I wished I could just happily come in and enjoy talking to him. He said: "Well, if that was the case, we'd be finishing in six weeks."

I don't enjoy therapy. It's uncomfortable. Sometimes it helps me, but it's not something I like. If it's turned into coffee chat, it sounds like it may be time to move on.

tinyrabbit, my T said something similar just this week. I told him that I knew of people who claimed to ENJOY therapy. He said it was his firm belief that those who are enjoying therapy are either not working very hard or almost done with therapy.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

tinyrabbit, my T said something similar just this week. I told him that I knew of people who claimed to ENJOY therapy. He said it was his firm belief that those who are enjoying therapy are either not working very hard or almost done with therapy.

I disagree. I enjoy therapy because it is one of the only times in my life that I do something just for me. I enjoy the one-on-one. I enjoy my T (we get along really well). Do I enjoy the difficult topics, the tears, the pain? No, but the fact that something is often extremely difficult work doesn't negate the possibility that the difficult activity is enjoyable. I enjoy knowing that I am doing something, however difficult, that will ultimately be to my benefit.

I mean, for instance, my son marches in 110 degree weather on a parking lot for hours at a time. It is hot and miserable and trying and difficult work, but he LOVES marching. He loves the music, the teamwork, the contests (even though they are stressful and nerve-wracking), and the ultimate end result. He really does love marching, including those hot summer 3-a-days. The pain and suffering is just part of the package.

Enjoying therapy doesn't have to mean we aren't working hard or that we are almost done. We can enjoy therapy simply for knowing we are doing something to nuture our own lives.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I disagree. I enjoy therapy because it is one of the only times in my life that I do something just for me. I enjoy the one-on-one. I enjoy my T (we get along really well). Do I enjoy the difficult topics, the tears, the pain? No, but the fact that something is often extremely difficult work doesn't negate the possibility that the difficult activity is enjoyable. I enjoy knowing that I am doing something, however difficult, that will ultimately be to my benefit.

I don't think we are disagreeing here. We're talking about enjoying, or not, different aspects of it.

But when there's no difficult work left to do, is it worth going still? You can go if you want, but you don't NEED to so badly.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Why don't you try seeing your T less often to see how you feel? Also, have you asked her what she thinks about your cutting down and terminating therapy?

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Why not walk a little way without them and see how far you get? You'll soon find out if you can manage or not.

Originally Posted by Moodswing

Cut back to every other week.

This is what I will discuss with T today - cutting back to 2x a month.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Interesting that you say you enjoy it and look forward to it. I find therapy so utterly uncomfortable, even when I think I want to go. I told my T I wished I could just happily come in and enjoy talking to him. He said: "Well, if that was the case, we'd be finishing in six weeks."

I don't enjoy therapy. It's uncomfortable. Sometimes it helps me, but it's not something I like. If it's turned into coffee chat, it sounds like it may be time to move on.

Maybe the word 'enjoy' is not the exact word I should have used. What I mean is that therapy offers a place and a moment where I can really really be myself and expose and share so much of my trials and tribulations. There has been lots of struggle and lots of pain but it has been my therapist who has seen me through so much of my difficult journey. Even now, with less difficult issues, it has NOT turned into coffee chat.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

tinyrabbit, my T said something similar just this week. I told him that I knew of people who claimed to ENJOY therapy. He said it was his firm belief that those who are enjoying therapy are either not working very hard or almost done with therapy.

Again, 'enjoy' was probably the wrong word for me to use. Even at its most difficult when I've had ruptures with T or when I've been facing very tough emotional issues, it has been with my therapist that I've felt the most safe.

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I disagree. I enjoy therapy because it is one of the only times in my life that I do something just for me. I enjoy the one-on-one. I enjoy my T (we get along really well). Do I enjoy the difficult topics, the tears, the pain? No, but the fact that something is often extremely difficult work doesn't negate the possibility that the difficult activity is enjoyable. I enjoy knowing that I am doing something, however difficult, that will ultimately be to my benefit.


Enjoying therapy doesn't have to mean we aren't working hard or that we are almost done. We can enjoy therapy simply for knowing we are doing something to nuture our own lives.

Chris - I agree with you 100%

[skysblue]

I don't think I'm ready to give up my relationship with my therapist completely. She has taught me a lot and I have been able to put those lessons into practice. I guess I still see her as a constant source of stability in my life even though I believe I've gotten through the roughest patches of my journey.

Today, though, I will suggest to her that we scale back the sessions. So fascinating that I've reached this point. I remember a couple of years ago when I would have panicky feelings that she wanted to terminate me (my vulnerability and insecurity- nothing she even considered).

So, that I'm even thinking about this should show that I've come a long way. I DO feel stronger and I DO feel more balanced and I DO feel more capable of managing emotions. Therapy works!

[Perna]

Interesting you view therapy as a crutch. For me it was an education, taught me what I could/did not learn growing up.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by Perna

Interesting you view therapy as a crutch. For me it was an education, taught me what I could/did not learn growing up.

hmmm, Perna - you've made me ponder this a bit. Of course, my time in therapy has been an education. I have learned a lot. And also while I was experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil, my T was needed desperately as a support. While weaker in my sense of stability, she WAS a crutch.

Now, I don't seem to need that crutch as much. Yes, she still helps me sort through painful emotions and she still helps guide me in understanding but I am able to stand on my own 2 feet much better.

So I'd say the education was ongoing with the support (crutches).

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

eh, sadly many Ts probably keep their clients forever by being nicety-nice-cuddly but not helpful. Basically paid friends.

I'd pay for that.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'd pay for that.

that's what prostitutes are for. I think somewhere in Japan or other overly stressed Asian country they already have cuddle-prostitutes. I think it's rather sad reflection though.

From experience for cuddling, I recommend a cat. They love unconditionally, cuddle and it doesn't feel wrong.

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

that's what prostitutes are for. I think somewhere in Japan or other overly stressed Asian country they already have cuddle-prostitutes. I think it's rather sad reflection though.

From experience for cuddling, I recommend a cat. They love unconditionally, cuddle and it doesn't feel wrong.

You don't seem to actually have spent much time in therapy if you truly believe we go to therapy for a friend. Just sayin'.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

You don't seem to actually have spent much time in therapy if you truly believe we go to therapy for a friend. Just sayin'.

yeah, I didn't. I am not saying global "we", but sadly, there seems to be a "we" who does this. Just sayin'.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by skysblue

And also while I was experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil, my T was needed desperately as a support. While weaker in my sense of stability, she WAS a crutch.

"Support" does not immediately bring "crutch" to my mind; my spine supports my body, there are support beams in houses/buildings, good friends and loved ones "support" me in my life and efforts, we won't talk about my bra. . .

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

...Enjoying therapy doesn't have to mean we aren't working hard or that we are almost done. We can enjoy therapy simply for knowing we are doing something to nuture our own lives.

I so agree. I work my butt off in therapy, sometimes it's hard, sometimes I bawl like a baby, other times t and I share a good laugh about something. Overall though I enjoy the process because it has been and continues to be so good for me.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by Perna

"Support" does not immediately bring "crutch" to my mind; my spine supports my body, there are support beams in houses/buildings, good friends and loved ones "support" me in my life and efforts, we won't talk about my bra. . .

Yeah, you're probably right that the word 'crutch' is not exactly appropriate. But, then again, sometimes my r/l with my T HAS felt like crutches. Ah well, language....

btw, with my vacation and T's vacation i won't be seeing her for more than a month. A year ago I would have panicked but now - I'm fine. Hey hey

She and I talked about scaling back. I didn't really like when she used the word 'termination' because I do not intend on terminating anytime soon. But at least it seems like we're in agreement that it is appropriate to lessen the quantity of therapy sessions. (yikes!)

Originally Posted by skysblue

Yeah, you're probably right that the word 'crutch' is not exactly appropriate. But, then again, sometimes my r/l with my T HAS felt like crutches. Ah well, language....

btw, with my vacation and T's vacation i won't be seeing her for more than a month. A year ago I would have panicked but now - I'm fine. Hey hey

She and I talked about scaling back. I didn't really like when she used the word 'termination' because I do not intend on terminating anytime soon. But at least it seems like we're in agreement that it is appropriate to lessen the quantity of therapy sessions. (yikes!)

skyblue - just remember,vs calling back, cutting back, termination, or as my therapist said, weaning can go as slow as you want. It's at your pace. If you need to go back to more time with your therapist, that's okay.

Today is the first day of my cutting back - I'm okay, and feeling well.

Good luck to you

[growlycat]

Some people spend $300 on a gym membership. Why is working on your mind less important?