Bloody Ethics

12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asiablue

MLS just a thought... even though your T is primarily CBT orientated, which is time limited doesn't she also use other approaches? I see you've made great leaps in therapy but i think you are also on the edge of doing some really deep work if she allows it. I don't think you are finished.

Yes, she is eclectic and uses a range of approaches. She wanted to go deep in first place but maybe her idea of deep and mine are two very different spectrum's. I have gone from being manic depressive and not wanting to be here to actually enjoying life again. So t has done so much for me

Asiablue · May 28, 2013, 12:00 PM

I agree she has helped you very much. Are you at peace with leaving therapy then?

unaluna · May 28, 2013, 12:18 PM

Mls, I had an abusive gf too. When I let it slip to my mother, something abusive the gf had said, my mother got mad. But it was more like she was mad because the gf was encroaching on her territory. Like how dare the gf beat up on me - only the mother was allowed to beat up on me.

So I'm not insightful per se - I just think we have had similar experiences, and dealt with it similar ways. We think if we will just be good and patient, we will eventually get what we want. But I think our parents see us as much worse than we really are. And their goal is just to die before we embarrass them to death. If you ask them, they will deny it. Their only hope is for you to remain unaware. I may be talking more about myself than you. But that is the truth. It took me too long to figure it out.

Your parents will not find out what you say about them. And besides, as one t of mine said, I had already informed her of the major details, of anything important. Her actually meeting my brother (by accident) didn't make any difference, we didn't have to stop my therapy because now they knew each other, even though my brother wanted me too.

You are just going to have to decide to live your own life, despite them, at some point. We all have parents - we all came into the world the same way. Don't let their limitations define your life.

May 28, 2013, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I agree she has helped you very much. Are you at peace with leaving therapy then?

NO WAY, perhaps I can deal with it a little better but I still want to see her. I have to see a t for the next three years as part of my t training so I am not sure if I should continue to see her. I would like to if she allows it. Actually maybe this is why she is suggesting this because she knows that I will be wanting to come back to see her in September.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultramar

You indicate that you want to stay with her primarily because she is like a mother for you. I think where this is hindering you, though, is that you seem to feel that if you share certain things with her, she will no longer play this role, she will not care, not like you, etc.

There is so much you keep from her... I can't imagine bottling all of that stuff up, even in the course of therapy, or especially then.

I wish so much there were something I could say that would help you believe that no matter what you say, she will still care about you, like you very much, want to help you. And if you do share these things, you will likely come to feel a lot better, and will have the experience of sharing them with someone who won't judge you, will not take it personally, and will stick with you.

You seem to go in cycles where she's either all-good or all-bad, and right now it's not good (triggered by your last session). But despite how you're feeling now, I hope you can leave the door a little open for the possibility of sharing with her things you've been keeping bottled up for so long

I am unsure about sharing things with her in case she hates me. I know I have to take a risk and trust that she will still like me but I have kind of lost faith in the human race somewhere along the way and am still finding it difficult to trust and to share things. Part of this is because of my shame of my sexuality and how \i feel I can't be myself and share this with anyone.
I do go in cycles of good t and bad t but this is me trying to look for something to hate t for when she has been there for me all along and I have no reason not to trust her.

[quote=hankster;3084639]Mls, I had an abusive gf too. When I let it slip to my mother, something abusive the gf had said, my mother got mad. But it was more like she was mad because the gf was encroaching on her territory. Like how dare the gf beat up on me - only the mother was allowed to beat up on me.

So I'm not insightful per se - I just think we have had similar experiences, and dealt with it similar ways. We think if we will just be good and patient, we will eventually get what we want. But I think our parents see us as much worse than we really are. And their goal is just to die before we embarrass them to death. If you ask them, they will deny it. Their only hope is for you to remain unaware. I may be talking more about myself than you. But that is the truth. It took me too long to figure it out.

Your parents will not find out what you say about them. And besides, as one t of mine said, I had already informed her of the major details, of anything important. Her actually meeting my brother (by accident) didn't make any difference, we didn't have to stop my therapy because now they knew each other, even though my brother wanted me too.

You are just going to have to decide to live your own life, despite them, at some point. We all have parents - we all came into the world the same way. Don't let their limitations define your life.[/quote]
I love this line and will make it my business to follow this quote, starting from today. Thank you hankster.

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